Things to write on check memos

Things to write on check memos
That’s cheque memos to my readers abroad. When writing a check for an unpleasant bill, there are subtle things you can do to amuse yourself, while confusing those on the receiving end. Add any I’ve missed.

  1. You’re fired
  2. I’m still sore from last night
  3. Devil Clowns are making me write this
  4. You left something by my bed
  5. I knew you liked puppies, but not that way…
  6. I heard about your little accident
  7. Congratulations on “coming out” to your office
  8. My water broke; hurry!
  9. I gave head to a lemur
  10. What’s that smell? Is that you?
  11. Have you learned about Scientology’s benefits?
  12. This is my last entry… Cannibals approaching… All hope is lost…
  13. I know where you sit, and I’ve just cleaned my rifle.
  14. Ancay uoyay eakspay igPay atinLay?
  15. I hate the socks you’re wearing
  16. Have you seen my keys?
  17. The tests came out positive
  18. This hour is mine!
  19. The baby is yours
  20. What do you write on your check memos?
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comment 47 comments
  • mikeB

    You had me at “I gave head to a lemur” 🙂

  • Mandy

    1. I’m naked.
    2. Do you know where this check has been?
    3. I hope you know my baby will starve because I am sending you money!
    4. I just used this check to snort a line
    5. BRAAAAAAINNS!!!!

  • Minnie

    All your cheques are belong to us.

    (Oh come on, couldn’t resist the geek factor). 8)

  • Minnie

    “I’m a Czech on a pogo stick. Watch me bounce.”

  • mitch

    1. You came to work in that outfit?
    2. NSF! Thought I would beat you to the punch!

  • Nikki

    Not the Brooklyn Kid again. Who kicked over that rock?

  • evilqueen

    Hush money.

  • Driver

    The yellow stain on this check is NOT lemonaid !

    # 13 is the best .

  • Creelock

    21. “Theres TP stuck to your shoe”
    22. “Umm ,, Your spotting” :undies:
    23. “The guy behind me has a GUN” :dead:
    24. “HELP I’m being kidnaped” 😈
    25. “Are those nose hairs or has a mouse taken up residence in there?”
    26. “Is that a Catapilar on your lip or are you growing a Mustache” 👿
    27. “I named my willy “Secret,” strong enough for a man but made for a woman” 😀
    28. “Umm ,,, could you please speak ENGLISH” ❓
    29. “You look familiar, are you a Hooker by night?” :wtf:
    30. “If you show me yours i’ll show you mine” 😛
    31. “Considering the price could you please use Vasaline?” :limp:
    32. “If your horny please smile and say “Have a good day”” :wtf:
    33. “Since you have my Ph# can I get yours?”
    34. “I’m not wearing Underwear are You?” :wang:
    35. “Last check I wrote Bounced” 🙄
    36. “There’s a spider crawling up your Shirt” 😈
    37. “If theres pus uzzing out and its green is that bad?” :puke:
    38. “Have you ever played with a Sail Rabbit?” 😕
    39. “You have such a Purty Mouth” 8)
    40. “Sorry, I got nothing more” :dead:

  • Steve

    Ok, I’m English, so I know what a cheque is, thanks for translating, but what is a cheque memo???? Your translation of cheque is still lost on us brits who don’t know what a cheque memo is or even why we would want to write silly things on it. I’ve now asked at least 10 people and not one of them has any idea what a cheque memo is. One person thought it might be a chequebook stub, but as the only person who would read that would the chequebook owner it still doesn’t make a lot of sense. And besides, who uses cheques still????

  • Master Solace

    1. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell ANYONE.”
    2. “Maybe you should cover this one.”
    3. “The next one will be made of rubber.”
    4. “That’s me outside your window.”
    5. “Which car is yours? Ah, I sliced all the tires anyway.”
    6. “It’ll be our little secret.”
    7. “Single-barrel or double, sawed-off or not.”
    8. “Two words: Lynch Mob!!!”
    9. “I thought I paid this before.”
    10. “My mind is saying ‘pay you’, the voices are saying ‘kill you’…there still isn’t a winner…”

  • Davezilla

    [Comment ID #45194 will be quoted here]

    It’s a line at the bottom of the cheque that you optionally fill in as a reminder of what the money was going to, since it’s not always apparent from the NAME field
    (Ex. For: Tuxedo rental for wedding)

    Look at the bottom left of this cheque, Steve.

  • Miss G

    “Hookers and Blow” is what I always write. I like the bank people to think that I am living much more exciting life than they are. Now, if only I knew of someone who solicitated these services and would actually take a check…

    I also use write this on check I receive from other people. I am sure my family likes to know what I am spending my birthday money on.

  • optimus

    Ooh! This was a near-sport with my undergraduate housemates. Some samples from our cheques to split the utilities (bearing in mind the average value was somewhere in the range of $30.)

    1. “Tell your mum it was worth every penny.”
    2. “Thanks for running my bag through customs.”
    3. “Final payment for Hoffa contract.”

    .. Et cetera.

  • Dennis Bookhart

    I know you’re company is screwing me, but I’d much rather it be you personally! :wang:

  • Dan Portnoy

    For: Sexual Favors
    For: Girl Scout Cookies. I hope you win!

  • El Raymundo

    Your balls are showing.

  • Steve

    Thanks for explaining that Davezilla, That not something we have on our cheques in the UK. All we would fill in is the name it’s paying to, the date and the amount in numbers and words. Can’t say I see the point of it though, as surely the recipient would know what it was you were giving them the cheque for, and it’s hardly a reminder. for yourself as you’d never see it again would you, because that’s the point of the stub. I guess we just do things differently

  • Bigwavdave

    My two favorites were always “The team says thanks” and “For Drugs”

  • Davezilla

    [Comment ID #45251 will be quoted here]

    Ah, see we don’t always have stubs, except on business cheques. We tend to have carbonless forms between each check that make a duplicate of the cheque so one needn’t rewrite anything.

  • DaPopster

    You gave me WHAT !!?? :puke: :wtf:

  • Steve

    Hmm, I’m still lost as to why you would write a ‘memo’ on the cheque itself. Once you’ve handed the cheque over you’ve handed your memo over as well. Pretty pointless I think, unless I’m missing something obvious. We have stubs on all our chequebooks so we can write on there what the cheque was for to help us reconcile when we get our statements. Surely writing the memo on the cheque itself is a waste of time because you’d never see it!

  • Nikki

    [Comment ID #45256 will be quoted here]

    Duplicate checks come with a carbon copy, so in a sense you can see it any time. Formely, banks would mail your processed checks back to you. I know of some that still do that.

  • Steve

    Aha, thanks Nikki. Now it all makes sense to me. We don’t have processed cheques mailed back to us, and I don’t think that has ever been the case in the UK, (unless you are a business with a prior arrangement with the bank). Bank charges are high enough without them finding some other way to charge us for the postage. And as I said earlier, we don’t tend to use cheques much these days, preferring to use debit cards or BACS (electronic) payments mostly. Gradually the banking system is starting to get rid of cheques and I can’t recall when I last wrote one, probably at least 10 years ago…

  • Arthur Chaparyan

    1. you had me at hello
    2. would you like to enlarge your penis?
    3. need to refinance? act now!
    4. check the other side for a secret note (on the back: check the other side for a secret note)
    5. FYI: your grandmother is a filthy whore.
    6. no hug? no tip!

  • lucygoosy2004

    1. Thanks for the best blow job Ive ever had, Divine 2. You have a booger in your nose 3. For crack 😀

  • Spud

    Well, we here in the Great Southern Land also use the english method, all cheque books have stubs in them for writing appropriate comments, dates, amounts etc.

    I think the US of A version would make for some rather amusing comments if used in these parts.

    I suppose that’s the point of the topic.

    *sigh*

    21. Here’s your tax money blood sucker.
    22. You’re. in my way
    23. Keep laughing, I’m reloading.
    24. I farted on this cheque, can you smell it?
    25. I know where you live.

    :geek:

  • Marcus

    We don need no stinking checks. 👿

    1. Call your mother.
    2. I talked to your priest about your confession
    3. Podex perfectus es

    Brooklyn kid is a Brooklyn old fart. I hope that he makes it in cinema and gets rid of his web page.

  • Eric W.

    [Comment ID #45250 will be quoted here]

    Marvelous.

    “Two words: Donkey punch.”

  • Bjorn Freeh

    20. Go Habs!

  • Tara

    My favorite check memo is:

    “Guns, hookers, firetrucks.”

  • Drusky

    The Utility companies sometimes require your acct. # or some other info on that memo line…

    20. AAAAHHH! Giant centipedes wrote this check! 🙄

  • Timmmy

    When paying taxes, a friend of mine writes “BULLSHIT” in the memo field.

  • Meagan

    20. Show me the money! SHOW ME THE MONEY!
    21. For dildos and vibrators. :wang:

  • Master Solace

    “Trojan or Durex? Just in case I visit.”

  • prtyprincess

    ” This money was made using 4 year old child laborers in a Dominican sweat shop.”

  • Patrick

    Memo: Blood sucking leech bastards

  • Teri

    I live in a very small town and our utility rates are very high.I always pay by check to City Hall and Never have I actually made the check out to the right place.Its supposed to be made out to the City of *********.But I always write City of Sewer,City of Crackho’s and Wineho’s,stuff like that.The cool thing is I went to school with the city clerk and we hated eachother. 😈 So in the memo section I write Bitch,Crack whore…..you get the picture.

  • starhealer

    1 bag tag
    2 your sex chang was done porly
    3 my brother is a marine and has a big gun
    4 what no kiss?
    5 the lub is on the night stand
    6 i am the walris ko ko kacho

    my brother and i alwas made a game of this thes are some of his mine where to rude to repet

  • pirate steve

    “you were eaten by a grue”

  • Crystal

    1. This check will self destruct in 5 seconds.
    2. Please send change.
    3. I’m watching…
    4. I could use this more than you!
    5. Why do you hate me so…
    6. Will work for money
    7. Uncle Sam is robbing me!
    8. No More!
    9. Playin with my money is like playing with my emotions!
    10. Insufficient funds. Please do not cash.

  • Jane

    I PLAYED with this money :thong:

  • verybigjen

    when i’ve had to write checks to MR man to transfer funds I would write stuff like “goat rental”, “Bastard Fee”, or “For Scotch tape, razors and Gin”

  • kaity

    After a night of heavy drinking, my friend’s roommates came home tanked, and one of them apparently um… relieved himself on her very expensive video camera. He was kind enough to pay her for the damage. The memo line of the check read: The R. Kelly Treatment.

  • Anna

    Dave, thank you for the translation.

  • Meagan

    “Hit for hire. Kill Celine Dion.” 😈

  • Bryan

    for deviant sexual favors

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