dirty diapers

Parenting: What no one told me

So I became a father for the first time. At 49. I had pretty much given up the hope of having children, but then it happened. No, don't congratulate me. It was easy. What wasn't easy was sifting through the reams of advice you're given from doctors, family, magazines, blogs, friends and complete strangers—yes the same strangers who feel compelled to feel up your wife's belly like she was a prize Berkshire hog at a county fair. Most of the advice a new parent gets seems to come from well-meaning, but childless adults who are disappointingly often dead right. Other…

Can’t win.

I got all excited because tomorrow night, Daylight Saving Time ends. Then my wife reminded me that our baby won't likely adhere to that and we'll still be up at the crack of dawn. Damn.

Sleep deprivation

LIZZ: "That's it, honey." [SITTING UP, ROCKING IN BED] ME: "What are you doing?" LIZZ: "I just… I have to stay awake and…to make sure the baby doesn't fall asleep on me." ME: "What? I didn't even hear you get out of bed." LIZZ "Oh. My. God. I am losing my mind." ME: "What?!?" LIZZ: "This isn't even the baby. I've been rocking the cat."