Recent Effluvia:

10. Car alarm going off
9. Hyenas fighting over bones
8. Blender full of silverware
7. Angry baby
6. Chiropractor adjusting a spine
5. Dentist’s drill
4. Nails on chalkboard
3. Garbage disposal with a spoon in it
2. Air horn
1. Celine Dion

What do you tihnk the worst ringtone would be?

With suggestions from Natalie, Jason, Liz B. And Lynette R.

Longtime reader Marcus recently told me of the worst “Secret Santa” gift he ever received:

”I once received a black beaded woman’s handbag. I guess they were thinking a
woman would get the gift.”

I have never had much luck one way or the other in those. I’ve only been in three. The first time I participated in one, the spending limit was US$25, which I generously exceeded. In return, I got a pack of gum. In the other two, I was somehow forgotten and went home empty-handed.

What’s the worst Secret Santa gift you’ve ever received?

1. Link of the Day: How many five year-olds could you take in a fight? [I scored 26]
2. Video of the Day: I hope you like pain!, link via Lizz (link fixed)

1. Your friends routinely throw sheep at you. You do not find this at all disturbing.
2. You start dreaming your friends are all werewolves and you’re a vampire. You do not slayall of them as you need at least one to play Scrabulous with.
3. You’ve groped, dry-humped, licked and trout-slapped 190 women that you’ve never met in person.
4. Your Facebook profile has more apps than your computer does.
5. The majority of the text messages you receive are friends’ status updates.

Apologies for the 14 lost comments. Had a database bork on this post. Had to delete it. Sorry!

1. Lube
2. Lifesize nude portrait of yourself and your spouse
3. The Satanic Bible
4. His and Hers Matching Thongs
5. Black Velvet Oil Painting of a Clown
6. Slash fiction about your inlaws
7. The Collected Works of GG Allin
8. Chocolate poop in a diaper
9. What gifts do you think are risky?