And furthermore… Part I

29 December, 2007Posted inObservations29 Comments
I really need to take a camera with me every time I have coffee with my friend Liz. We see the best freaks. Tonight topped them. Ever go to a coffeehouse, it’s really crowded so you find an empty table with not enough chairs? Then you hunt around to see if anyone isn’t using all the chairs at their table? Well that. So we got our drinks and Liz found a great table with no chairs. I spy a man sitting alone with an ancient, underpowered Mac laptop and walk over. Me: “Excuse me, sir. Is it cool if I…

Lamest Super-powers to have, Part II

26 December, 2007Posted inBad Ideas45 Comments
I would like super powers. Nothing too fancy, mind you. Just minor abilities to get me through the week. The ability to see through chocolates to the fillings before taking a bite The ability to sense road construction in time to catch an alternate route The ability to psychically detect which cashier is the fastest and least likely to call for a price check The ability to see through scratch-off tickets before purchasing them The ability to remove rusted, old screws without stripping the threading A magic bag that always contains the right size batteries for any appliance The ability…

Last minute gift ideas

24 December, 2007Posted inObservations25 Comments
$38 bottled water Stretchmarks Mutant Kewpie Dolls Trouble Some hot new fashions, via Michelle Kwajafa A monobrow A Toilet Headrest, via the other Michelle Crow's feet wrinkles A steel wool Christmas scultpture What last minute gift ideas do you have? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra…

Complete this sentence, #41

23 December, 2007Posted inObservations26 Comments
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I rarely have snappy comebacks

22 December, 2007Posted inBad Ideas36 Comments
…but today I nailed one without skipping a beat. [SCENE: Starbucks] Woman: "Ahem. Is that an Apple product?" Me: "Yes, it's a G4 Laptop" Woman: "Well, you must be a devil worshipper, because only Democrats and satanists use Apple products." Me: "Why, I am a devil worshipper. Did the Mac give it away?"

Worst ringtones ever

21 December, 2007Posted inObservations53 Comments
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Obey the Naughty Palace

19 December, 2007Posted inUncategorized52 Comments
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Words mangled by last night’s waitress

18 December, 2007Posted inObservations38 Comments
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Caption Time #213

17 December, 2007Posted inCaption Time58 Comments
This is my neighbor's inflatable Grinch. Every night he deflates and by morning, it's difficult to tell if he is hungover, facing Mecca or performing auto-fellatio. Link of the Day: Student Arrested After Cutting Food With Knife, expect Homeland security to outlaw everything but spoons next. Video of the Day: Everyday Normal Guy, link via Lung the Younger viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal…

Nice parking job

15 December, 2007Posted inUncategorized33 Comments
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14 December, 2007Posted inUncategorized33 Comments
You may have noticed a lot of hiccups on the site lately. This is due to several things: Asshole spammers hitting the server at an unbelievable rate The Recent Comments feature is suddenly eating up server resources, meaning lots of you are getting 403 errors Extra long comments. Spammers leave lengthy comments and the spam-catching software looks for that. Some of you have been getting rather chatty, lately. Try breaking the comment up into a few comments, or email it to me directly and I can manually add it. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra…

Worst “Secret Santa” gifts

14 December, 2007Posted inObservations25 Comments
Longtime reader Marcus recently told me of the worst “Secret Santa” gift he ever received: ”I once received a black beaded woman's handbag. I guess they were thinking a woman would get the gift.” I have never had much luck one way or the other in those. I’ve only been in three. The first time I participated in one, the spending limit was US$25, which I generously exceeded. In return, I got a pack of gum. In the other two, I was somehow forgotten and went home empty-handed. What’s the worst Secret Santa gift you’ve ever received? Link of the…