The other day I made a comment to someone that got an unanticipated response (I know, right, me saying something that bothers someone? how … odd).
I suggested that if superpowers were on the bartering table, I would see my way through to selling my soul. I mean, superpowers. Come on. Who wouldn’t want that. Even assuming that I’m not completely serious about bartering an unsubstantial, non-recordable and altogether magical essence for the concrete power to teleport, or shoot laser beams from my eyes, or whatever power I chose, it’s a good topic of conversation. It gets the ball rolling. From there we could have gone with ‘WHat would you sell your soul for’ or ‘What’s the nastiest place you had the sex in?’
I got: “I can’t believe you would treat your soul like it’s nothing.’
I was shocked. Astounded, flabbergasted and even, I would hazard, overwhelmed by the response. Partly because, and I can’t stress this enough, we are talking about fucking superpowers. Powers that are by their very nature, SUPER. Partly because the woman to whom this whole thing was directed did not seem to me to be the sort of person who would put, shall we say, an inordinate amount of worth on something that may or may not exist (I believe in ghosts and shit, but maybe not the soul, yeah, I’m a hypocrite).
I told her my willingness to part with the eternally immortal part of me was pure sarcasm and the story, for her, ends there. I relayed this information to a friend of mine via text, and we got onto the subject of how I should be more sensitive to the moods and beliefs of other people (he is, of course, completely fucking with me and baiting me into a prolonged argument where he snipes at me).
Here is an excerpt (after suggesting I am not sensitive)
Me: There is no possible way I could have guessed that. None. And fuck you. I am WAY more sensitive than you.
Him: I never said i was sensative my wife reminds me of that all the time
Me: I will sensitive all over your face. That’s how sensitive I am.
Him: O yah, that’s sensative!!! SOme people don’t respond well to the whole going to hell thing Mr Sensative (my friend has some kind of data phone and he has apparently either turned off spellcheck or predictive text, or it’s broken itself because he can’t spell for shit)
Him: Ur as sensitive as an overjerked wang.
Me: Yes, I am sensitive. I cry when little puppies are used to beat baby seals. Because puppy-tenderized seal meat is so delicious it can bring a tear to your eye.
There followed a long period of non-communication. I assure you it wasn’t because I shocked him silly. Implying that I would eat a baby seal that has first been clubbed to death by a cute little puppy is nowhere near the worst thing I’ve said. Or done.
He was silent for so long because he had to pull his vehicle (a gigantic cement truck full of cement) over so he wouldn’t flatten a few bystanders.
I am that funny. And I am sensitive. When that guy died at the end of Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring trying to save those hobbits, I fucking bawled my eyes out. Cuz there ain’t nothing cooler or sadder than a guy dying in slow motion while being shot by evil black arrows.
Tear.
Comments
29 responses to “Mr Sensitive? You BET!”
[quote post=”2539″]Yes, I am sensitive. I cry when little puppies are used to beat baby seals. Because puppy-tenderized seal meat is so delicious it can bring a tear to your eye.[/quote]
You just made me cry from craving such meat. 😥
Me: Yes, I am sensitive. I cry when little puppies are used to beat baby seals. Because puppy-tenderized seal meat is so delicious it can bring a tear to your eye…… Only if stuffed with ground kitten ……
:puke:
[quote comment=”520350″]Me: Yes, I am sensitive. I cry when little puppies are used to beat baby seals. Because puppy-tenderized seal meat is so delicious it can bring a tear to your eye…… Only if stuffed with ground kitten ……
:puke:[/quote]
Hot young pussy…Mmmm
So what superpower would you trade your soul for? Keep in mind that it would be a fairly even trade – you’re not going to get an awesome superpower for a poorly maintained, albeit sensitive, soul.
mmm…. prolly flight. since you’ve so cunningly trapped me with the ‘tarnished soul’ offensive, I’ll go with that, although teleportation would be pretty awesome. that, or making women’s undergarments move one foot to the left. yeah, that’d work, too. because, uh, you know what it means when no underpants magically appear?
yeah ….
commando.
Heh.
This post about insensitive remarks was funnier than a burning orphanage.
I can see teleportation, but panty removal is right up there with invisibility. You’d have to possess a pretty high-valued soul to get either of those.
Anyone know where you can get a soul appraised? I tried New Orleans but they said that I ain’t got no soul. Kinda makes me wonder if I didn’t trade it off as a kid for something stupid like a bike or a bag of candy.
Y’know, Keanu Reeves must have had one hell of a soul to get the superpower to convince people in the film industry that he could act. With a soul like that he probably could have gotten invisibility and panty removal.
Very funny story Lee… *clap clap clap* take a bow you sensitive puppy wielding seal clubbing cry baby. 😛
“He was silent for so long because he had to pull his vehicle (a gigantic cement truck full of cement) over so he wouldn’t flatten a few bystanders.”
Now what would be the harm in that Lee? A little culling of the herd… 😛
You write very well Lee, but I doubt you’ll ever acquire the sobriquet of “Mr. Touchy Feely” except perhaps in relation to your aforementioned “commando” scenario.
If I sold my soul for superpowers, I’d probably turn into some sort of villain (what with my soul being gone) using my whip as my weapon of choice and – hey, that sounds kinda fun. Count me in, Mr. Sensitive! 👿
-i would like to be able to supermorph into a snug and vibrating faux leather suit for each zillagirl but unfortunately i gave away my sensitive soul years ago to someone who’s need was greater than my own. 😐
[quote comment=”521422″]-i would like to be able to supermorph into a snug and vibrating faux leather suit for each zillagirl but unfortunately i gave away my sensitive soul years ago to someone who’s need was greater than my own. :-|[/quote]
It didn’t by any chance go to Lee, did it?
[quote comment=”521452″][quote comment=”521422″]-i would like to be able to supermorph into a snug and vibrating faux leather suit for each zillagirl but unfortunately i gave away my sensitive soul years ago to someone who’s need was greater than my own. :-|[/quote]
It didn’t by any chance go to Lee, did it?[/quote]
yes…briefly it went to bruce lee and then it passed to chuck norris.
[quote comment=”521335″]If I sold my soul for superpowers, I’d probably turn into some sort of villain (what with my soul being gone) using my whip as my weapon of choice and – hey, that sounds kinda fun. Count me in, Mr. Sensitive!
:evil:[/quote]
So you’d be the Catwoman? Use your whip, baby. MEOW! :wang:
I would definately trade my soul for the power of invisibility, being a voyer and all. Even better if I could make just parts of me visible. How far would a Zillagirl chase a floating member?:wang But if you have to take into consideration an even trade, I could only get something silly like Frebreeze farts or long distance stinky finger.
I’d trade it to have the power to be “IN” a woman. In her mind, feel what she feels, know what she’s thinking, feel what it’s like when a man is in her, experience her orgasm from the inside out…You get the picture..
[quote comment=”521679″]I would definately trade my soul for the power of invisibility, being a voyer and all. Even better if I could make just parts of me visible. How far would a Zillagirl chase a floating member?:wang But if you have to take into consideration an even trade, I could only get something silly like Frebreeze farts or long distance stinky finger.[/quote]
excuse me but aren’t you superman’s father? your floating member might really be a huge pointed crystalline phalygimite (pain). can you verify your soul?
[quote comment=”522241″]I’d trade it to have the power to be “IN” a woman. In her mind, feel what she feels, know what she’s thinking, feel what it’s like when a man is in her, experience her orgasm from the inside out…You get the picture..[/quote]
shudder No thank you. About the closest comparison that I can think of would be to take a guy from an Amish community and making him a gay cab driver in Tokyo. It would be a totally foreign place where nothing in his reality makes sense anymore.
cornbot?
[quote comment=”522241″]I’d trade it to have the power to be “IN” a woman. In her mind, feel what she feels, know what she’s thinking, feel what it’s like when a man is in her, experience her orgasm from the inside out…You get the picture..[/quote]
That was a very powerful, sexy and romantic thing to say Bigwavdave. We already had an inkling of how lucky your lady is… but you just confirmed she hit the jackpot when she found you. :kiss: :love:
Well at least the pants were made without any beatings, well except for beating the person who designed them!! :puke: :wtf: :troll:
I heard that any Catholic Church will appraise a soul but then you have to give it up to them for payment. 😉
So Lee “What’s the nastiest place you had the sex in?” :tit: :wang: :tit:
[quote comment=”522881″]So Lee “What’s the nastiest place you had the sex in?” :tit: :wang: :tit:[/quote]
… a church … 👿
[quote comment=”522881″]So Lee “What’s the nastiest place you had the sex in?” :tit: :wang: :tit:[/quote]
may be an urban legend but i thought the correct answer was “that’d be the butt bob”.
[quote comment=”522792″]cornbot?[/quote]
I’m reading. Trying to get past the puppy/seal visual, wondering if one would bread and fry the resulting tenderized meat.
[quote comment=”522964″][quote comment=”522881″]So Lee “What’s the nastiest place you had the sex in?” :tit: :wang: :tit:[/quote]
may be an urban legend but i thought the correct answer was “that’d be the butt bob”.[/quote]
NOT an urban legend … seen the footage myself, and it’s HILARIOUS
[quote comment=”523016″][quote comment=”522792″]cornbot?[/quote]
I’m reading. Trying to get past the puppy/seal visual, wondering if one would bread and fry the resulting tenderized meat.[/quote]
breaded and fried????
philistine.
pan-seared with a white wine sauce.
[quote comment=”522793″][quote comment=”522241″]I’d trade it to have the power to be “IN” a woman. In her mind, feel what she feels, know what she’s thinking, feel what it’s like when a man is in her, experience her orgasm from the inside out…You get the picture..[/quote]
That was a very powerful, sexy and romantic thing to say Bigwavdave. We already had an inkling of how lucky your lady is… but you just confirmed she hit the jackpot when she found you.
:kiss:
:love:[/quote]
Thanks Sweetie Pie! :kiss:
[quote comment=”522793″][quote comment=”522241″]I’d trade it to have the power to be “IN” a woman. In her mind, feel what she feels, know what she’s thinking, feel what it’s like when a man is in her, experience her orgasm from the inside out…You get the picture..[/quote]
That was a very powerful, sexy and romantic thing to say Bigwavdave. We already had an inkling of how lucky your lady is… but you just confirmed she hit the jackpot when she found you.
:kiss:
:love:[/quote]
AnnieB is that really sexy to you? I think the dude wants to be a chick…