Lesser-known predictions of Nostradamus

A Pizza-Maker shall be born near Italy.
Who shall cause all penguins to explode,
They shall say, with what marshmallow peeps he keeps company
He shall be found less a Pizza-Maker than a misshapen toad.

From a simple plastic surgeon he will rise to the empire,
From the short nose he will attain the long.
Great schools of Sea Monkeys shall arise.

A great troop shall come through Russia.
The destroyer shall eliminate the color beige.

The great color beige will soon be exchanged for the color puce.
Which will soon cover the most.
A small puce of tiny area in the middle of which
He will come to lay down his trove of Melba Toast. 

The captive prince, conquered, is sent to Melba;
He will sail across the Gulf of Mexico to Tijuana.
By a great effort of the foreign tequilas he is overcome,
Though he escaped the fire, his bowels yield to Montezuma’s Revenge. 

Out of the deepest part of the west of your bathroom,
From poor people a young child shall be born,
Who with his spleen shall seduce many people,
His fame shall increase the size of Sea Monkeys.

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32 Replies to “Lesser-known predictions of Nostradamus”

  1. Here’s another of Nostradamus’ forgotten predictions :

    And all shall look upon them and knowest,
    That they shall be damned for eternity,
    And the many shall weep big, wet, fat, squirty tears,
    Causing floods and rivers and seas and lakes,
    That shall spread like peanut butter.

    The monkeys of the sea will merge with the chickens,
    But all shall feel the icy hand of Bill Withers,
    Except on a Tuesday for evermore,
    So it is written and shall come to pass,
    Like hot bacon in the summer.

    Harrowing stuff indeed and even scarier still if it were to come true.

    I hope not.

    I bloody hate Bill Withers.

    :dead:

  2. From the talents of a simple plastic surgeon he will rise
    from a dark past to a white pop music empire
    and sing a two-fold autobiographical song
    about how it makes no difference
    if you’re black or white

    He will be known as the Prince of Pop,
    and possess a great love of children
    but cursed shall he be, as Peter Pan,
    never to grow up
    so play with lost boys he will
    in Never Neverland

    Havoc will wreak, and his neurotic tribe of his kin shall once again unite
    to protect their own
    amidst Boobiegate chaos
    Black or White Prince shall dance on the tops of limousines, under umbrellas
    and the people of the world shall be spoon-fed ridiculous banter about his winky
    for months

  3. And the lesbians shall cometh forward with tinned produce,
    All shall know them and fear the beans within,
    The tangy rich sauce will flow outwards like blood upon the soil,
    Like the tide underfoot or the wizard with toast,
    We shall be left wanting and the cheese mongers will rejoice.
    For the path of the dairy shall inspire all who follow it,
    Onwards like cows in pasture the lambs will smile outwardly,
    With smiley faces, like on biscuits sometimes when you go round your Mums,
    But the jam within shall be found without and sickly shall it be,
    Like Dawson’s Creek.

    These posts are starting to sound like the bible now. Except ours are true and have some basis in reality.

    👿

  4. P.S Before anyone goes all God fearing and holier than thou, I would just like to say that I’ll settle my own account with God when the time comes. 😈

  5. He who goes to bed with itchy butt wakes up with dirty fingernails.:sad: (From the same guy that studied fat people and soap.)

  6. How odd it it that it rhymes when translated to English.
    Man, that Nostradamus must have been great to forsee that 🙂

  7. If God really was a women.

    The Earth would be tidier and there would be more cushions.

    :dead:

  8. There are currently two schools of thought on Nostradamus:

    1.Either, he had a supernatural ability which enabled him to forsee the future with an amazing accuracy.

    or

    2.He did for bullshit what Stonehenge did for rocks.

    I know which one I’d choose.

    😀

  9. You guys are not gonna believe this!

    I just phoned the “Enema Helpline” for product advice and I’m not even gonna repeat what they told me to go and do…..

    Talk about poor customer service!

    👿

  10. And from the land of oil there shall be born a Jr. who will avenge his father’s failure to rid the earth of the devil incarnate…regardless of the human and monetary costs.
    And though he will achieve this goal he will ultimately lead his country down the same road that was taken by the big bad USSR and the end result will be financial and moral bankruptcy.

  11. Am I the only one who wonders how the hunt for Bin Laden turned into the overthrow of Hussein? It’s total manipulation and complete BS! And don’t give me any of that ‘America, leave it or love it’ crap from the Viet Nam era. I think we have the best system but this ‘war’ is wrong. WMD be damned!

  12. Sorry all. I’m just very angry that there are people living in cardboard boxes in this country and our administration is spending millions in a foreign country. I’ll try to KISS in the future…gets off soapbox and hopes the CIA doesn’t come knocking. :^)

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