Observations

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My cat recently turned 17. That age marks a special time in a cat's life when she ascends from a Demanding Diva to a Hirsute Hobgoblin. True, she is still deceptively beautiful, in the same way many terrible vipers are. It is her mannerisms that have transcended during this special year. Socks I used to come home from travel and find a matching pair of my socks by the door. She would drag them there in hopes of bringing me back, which clearly worked. She still does this, but now adds special touches to them: hairballs, dryer lint, vomit. It…

Some interesting road trips you can make in the United States. Suggested by misterarthur. From Intercourse, Pennsylvania to Climax, Michigan From Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina to Hell, Michigan From Spread Eagle, Wisconsin to Hooker, Arkansas From Cut-Off, Louisiana to Blueballs, Pennsylvania From Cold Water, Mississippi to Hot Water, Mississippi From Toad Suck, Arkansas to Monkey's Elbow, Kentucky From Panic, Pennsylvania to Fearnot, Pennsylvania From Boring, Oregon to Eclectic, Alabama From Ogle, Kentucky to Loveladies, New Jersey From Smackover, Arkansas to Assawoman, Virginia From Muck City, Alabama to Shite Creek, Idaho From Fort Dick, California to Dickeyville, Wisconsin From Dismal,…

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Dear Visor Engineers: I am writing a letter to express my disappointment with your products. I understand that as automotive engineers go, your job is not a glamorous one. Indeed, yours is on the bottom rung of the engineering ladder, right below the windshield (windscreen) wiper engineers. That said, I think you could do better. No, I'm not trying to make the world of the visor more exciting. Don't kid yourself. You'll never play in the wind tunnels alongside the aerodynamics engineers. Nor will you get to road test with the Brake and Shock engineers. Yours is a life of…

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Scene: Natalie and I are eating Thai in what we thought was a private booth. Behind us was a grandmother and her two unruly grandchildren. Grandmother: Mawcus? Mawcus! You've taken in too much food. Spit it out. Spit it out right now, young man. Right here. Spit it out on the table. Marcus: Plplpltew! Granddaughter: Ew! Grandmother: That's bettah. Marcus: Grandma? Who is better? Me or my cousins? Grandmother: No one is better. Marcus: But you said my cousins have better manners. So that makes them better. Grandmother: I nevah said that. I said they had bettah mannuhs. That doesn't…