How I feel right about now

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Hell hath no fury like a kitten scorned

My cat recently turned 17. That age marks a special time in a cat's life when she ascends from a Demanding Diva to a Hirsute Hobgoblin. True, she is still deceptively beautiful, in the same way many terrible vipers are. It is her mannerisms that have transcended during this special year. Socks I used to come home from travel and find a matching pair of my socks by the door. She would drag them there in hopes of bringing me back, which clearly worked. She still does this, but now adds special touches to them: hairballs, dryer lint, vomit. It…

To Hell and back

Some interesting road trips you can make in the United States. Suggested by misterarthur. From Intercourse, Pennsylvania to Climax, Michigan From Kill Devil Hills, North Carolina to Hell, Michigan From Spread Eagle, Wisconsin to Hooker, Arkansas From Cut-Off, Louisiana to Blueballs, Pennsylvania From Cold Water, Mississippi to Hot Water, Mississippi From Toad Suck, Arkansas to Monkey's Elbow, Kentucky From Panic, Pennsylvania to Fearnot, Pennsylvania From Boring, Oregon to Eclectic, Alabama From Ogle, Kentucky to Loveladies, New Jersey From Smackover, Arkansas to Assawoman, Virginia From Muck City, Alabama to Shite Creek, Idaho From Fort Dick, California to Dickeyville, Wisconsin From Dismal,…

Overheard: People are stupid edition

Barista: "She has like, an accent or something. She speaks in British." Woman on the phone near me: "I heard that if you break vitamins in half, most of the amino acids escape." Young girl on phone: "If I shave my head, will the hair ever grow back? No, I'm being serious. It will? Really?" viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to…

Imponderables #3

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I need your help

Tell some jokes today. I got up at 3am yesterday for a day trip in and out of Washington, D.C. and it fried my brain. I got home in plenty of time to post, but I was dry. Nada. So please, entertain me. I need a recharge.

From Russia, with funk

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A letter to the inventor of the automotive visor

Dear Visor Engineers: I am writing a letter to express my disappointment with your products. I understand that as automotive engineers go, your job is not a glamorous one. Indeed, yours is on the bottom rung of the engineering ladder, right below the windshield (windscreen) wiper engineers. That said, I think you could do better. No, I'm not trying to make the world of the visor more exciting. Don't kid yourself. You'll never play in the wind tunnels alongside the aerodynamics engineers. Nor will you get to road test with the Brake and Shock engineers. Yours is a life of…

Rejected Childrens Book Sequels

Frog and Toad and Mortal Enemies Harriet the Spy in Guantanamo Bay Curious George throws his feces The 500 Diseases of Bartholomew Cubbins Where the Girls Gone Wild Things Are Horton Hears a Glock James and the Giant Bitch The Princess and the Period Everybody Poops. Just Not at School. Which ones did I miss? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to…

OK, class…

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Davezilla’s Dictionary, Part 4

Fuckle: v. To really screw something up. Won't get you in trouble to say it. At least not right away.Ex. Darn it all, this Windows Vista sure is fuckled up. Janx: v. Past tense of jinx. Or should be. Ex. I janx that bitch, but good. Pune: adj. Something disgusting. Something that smells bad. (On a side note, how come we can impune, but not pune?) Ex. John's bedroom was so puned out.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for…

Overheard: Thai Restaurant Edition

Scene: Natalie and I are eating Thai in what we thought was a private booth. Behind us was a grandmother and her two unruly grandchildren. Grandmother: Mawcus? Mawcus! You've taken in too much food. Spit it out. Spit it out right now, young man. Right here. Spit it out on the table. Marcus: Plplpltew! Granddaughter: Ew! Grandmother: That's bettah. Marcus: Grandma? Who is better? Me or my cousins? Grandmother: No one is better. Marcus: But you said my cousins have better manners. So that makes them better. Grandmother: I nevah said that. I said they had bettah mannuhs. That doesn't…