Hell hath no fury like a kitten scorned

My cat recently turned 17. That age marks a special time in a cat’s life when she ascends from a Demanding Diva to a Hirsute Hobgoblin. True, she is still deceptively beautiful, in the same way many terrible vipers are. It is her mannerisms that have transcended during this special year.

I used to come home from travel and find a matching pair of my socks by the door. She would drag them there in hopes of bringing me back, which clearly worked. She still does this, but now adds special touches to them: hairballs, dryer lint, vomit. It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t all of the above on each pair.

It’s well-established that cats sleep roughly 16 hours a day, reserving the lion’s share of their energy store for tearing apart paper bags two hours before the alarm clock is set to go off. This changes as a cat reaches the upper echelon of feline society. A greater emphasis is placed on the importance of attacking Very Loud Objects in the wee hours.

Vox felis
As a young cat, Jade had a positively melodic meow. Quiet, polite and dulcet. Her new role is more demanding of her vocal abilities. Practice time for her scurrilous, operatic yowling begins promptly when I enter the morning shower and ends five minutes after I go to sleep. On a good day, she can decimate a champagne flute from 20 paces.

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  1. Mikeme

    What a Cat-astrophe!

  2. pablo

    My cat limits his attentions by giving multiple headbutts to get my attention. Throw in uncontrolable drooling when he is happy and there you go!

  3. Bigwavdave

    Dogs have owners, cats have staff.

  4. Jinx

    According to Robert Heinein, “Women and cats will do as they please, men and dogs had better get used to it.”

    My beloved Siamese lived for twenty years before winging his way to the land where kitties are eternally blessed. He was vocal and demanding until the very end!

  5. Yougottabekiddingme

    Did they seriously name their child URINE? are you kidding me?

    no wait….URINE and SPECIAL K?


  6. Anna

    mine are your regular weird too ….. they want to lick my dogs ….. the dogs try to evade them, but are unsuccesful … in the end they submit to the indignity of being “washed” by cats :limp:

  7. Wow, Jade’s developed quite the attitude. She used to be so sweet and docile years ago!

    But I still miss Astrid…

  8. Flash Gordon

    I love cats. They and ‘possoms were the main source
    of protein for Dad’s family during the depression.
    😈 πŸ‘Ώ πŸ™„ :kiss: :wtf:

  9. cows go moo

    my cat doesn’t leave my socks out for me, but she has an uncanny habit of leaving dead rats outside my door when its near my birthday. ❓

  10. When in doubt, blog your cat.

    Somehow, I accidentally closed myself out of the Ann Coulter poll before thinking of the one correct answer: “missing person”.

  11. dougieace

    its all about the pussy once again

  12. She was a perfect angel when she sat on my lap for 2 hours. πŸ˜‰

  13. [Comment ID #135993 will be quoted here]

    I didn’t mean to leave you out. I’ve been leaving them open until the first spams appear, which seems to be by Thursday. Getting ridiculous. 😐

  14. [Comment ID #136129 will be quoted here]

    Well, who wouldn’t want to sit on your lap for two hours and get stroked? 😈

  15. “open until the first spams appear, which seems to be by Thursday. Getting ridiculous.”

    Hmmmm, I just stayed up to catch ‘Saw 2’ and then you mention spammers. Don’t temp me! πŸ‘Ώ

  16. pablo

    Bad bady names.

    I’ll say this, if my parents named me Uhrine, I’d be totally pissed!!!

    I remember hearing about someone named Nimrod. In their native language it meant born for greatness. Too bad they moved here.

    The Hogg sisters, Ima & Youra

  17. 17 years old? How old is that in cat years?

    And just when you thought Pilot Inspektor and Suri were the worst names to give your child, along comes Urhine Kendall Icy Eight Special K. Poor kid.

  18. Creelock

    All I have to say about the Urine Kid…Those parents are so going to the nurseing home ASAP… Don’t piss off the Kid if they may have control of your future :wtf:

    My cat is more inventive in its annoyance, it likes to bring Live birds into the house through the cat door at night… the bigger the bird the better… some how she’s learned how to bring them all the way to my bedroom while still alive then she turns them loose and plays tag with them… Any Idea of what its like to get smacked in the head by a foot tall blackbird in the middle of the night ❓ :wtf: :dead:

  19. My twenty-two year old kitty who passed away in October was the same way with the loud, operatic yowling in her later years. I think it was mostly because she was going deaf and she couldn’t hear herself.

  20. [Comment ID #137496 will be quoted here]

    Jade is definitely going deaf. She can’t even hear when I shake the can of cat treats.

  21. My spritely tiny kitten with the pitiful, barely-heard squeak turned into a yowling, 18-pound doorstop over the course of 17 years.

    My friends had a Siamese who lived past the age of 20; there are few sounds louder than a deaf, slightly semile Siamese cat who has forgotten where he is and where his people are. I’m surprised the neighbors didn’t call the police on him.

  22. Happy Belated Birthday to Jade, btw! πŸ™‚

  23. [Comment ID #136117 will be quoted here]

    It’s always about the pussy! It’s just toned down on other days to give other topics a chance. ;o)

    [Comment ID #135450 will be quoted here]

    Get them young, train them right and, just like men, you can trick them into thinking they’re in charge! πŸ˜›

    Minnie: But I still miss AstridÒ€¦ πŸ˜€
    I’ve only heard that name once before…tell me more. πŸ˜›

    I have a yellow lab Sgt. that wieghs about 100 lbs and stands on his hind feet at about 5 ft. We’ve kitten sat a few times and he just loves to take care of the babies! I finally had to get him his own kitten, Felix. He was only about a month or two and half the size of Sgt’s snout when I brought him home. It was astonishing to see the tenderness of this giant nuzzling a ball of black fur that was only about the size of a doggie treat for him!
    Felix is now two years old and refuses to sleep anywhere but Sgt’s dog house but I still get the head butts and significant amount of drool from both. I feel loved!

  24. jeffro

    I’ll never understand cat people. Cat pukes on socks… cat goes for a ride in the dryer.

  25. Drusky

    I’ve a cat who I swear that when the Vet fixed him, left a testicle in… This cat loves to hump sweaters and blankets… he’ll even drag them off hangers and chairs to the middle of the room and do his business…
    All the time it’s ‘Yowl, Yowl, purrrr, Yoowwlll!’
    No kidding! I love the cat but for the life of me cannot figure out the little horny bastard… :wtf:

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