Category: Observations

Your friends routinely throw sheep at you. You do not find this at all disturbing. You start dreaming your friends are all werewolves and you’re a vampire. You do not slayall of them as you need at least one to play Scrabulous with. You’ve groped, dry-humped, licked and trout-slapped 190 women that you’ve never met…

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Every year, the Bell’s Brewery hosts Eccentric Day, a day long beer-tasting fest. Drinking begins promptly at 8:00 AM and ends really damn late (4 AM?). I can’t drink that long. Anyway, a stipulation of entering is dressing in costume. The group I went with came dressed as Friars. Cause you know, monks invented beer.…

Ever see movies where the hero goes through some wild adventure, wakes up and realizes it was all a dream, but miraculously has an object in their hand from the dream? This kept happening to me. I kept waking up with objects on my chest. This morning it was a shiny metal knob which I…

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Stuff the turkey with packing peanuts Schedule the cable TV to be disconnected during the 3rd quarter of the game Replace your grandparents’ decaf with double espresso Melt double salt licorice in the mashed potatoes. You know, for kids! If asked to bring pie and whipped cream, show up naked under a trenchcoat with several…

New shoes are the natural repository for cats to vomit into Your current reading material is the most comfortable place to take a nap There is no cupboard door made that cannot be pried open with a paw The ideal surface for removing clingy cat litter from paws is a laptop keyboard If it can…

When the holidays come around, we are once again called upon to perform a duty which I feel should be made illegal as soon as possible: entertaining relatives. As that is not likely to happen in my lifetime, it is incumbent upon us to take matters in our own hands. Here are some solutions I…