4:30 AM Alarm goes off. Hit snooze twice.
4:48 AM Drag feet out of bed. Trip over Catholic martyrs who have been groveling at feet all night.
4:51 AM Wait for morning erection to subside.
4:59 AM Take a pee over North America. Giggle as Canadians mistake it for acid rain again.
5:12 AM Take shower. Runoff water floods small Pacific Island. Oops.
6:02 AM Scrub back with a 90 foot loofah. Skin flakes fall over starving Ethiopians who mistake them for manna.
8:33 AM Got the hiccups. Americans mistakenly assume the sound is from North Korean bomb tests and send a pre-emptive strike on Kim Jong Il.
12:30 PM Went out for sushi. Had 6 Blue Whale Rolls and Giant Squid Sashimi.
2:14 PM Moved some Cretaceous fossils to the Devonian strata to mess with the paleontologists again. April Fools!
5:10 PM Overheard skeptics doubting my existence again. Decide to appear in a cloud over St. Petersburg and on a piece of roti in New Delhi.
6:19 PM Still peeved about skeptics. Create only one specimen of a new species of talking jellyfish. Place it in poor fisherman’s net. Arrange for it to die five minutes before camera crews arrive.
8:59 PM Write a new “missing gospel” and bury it in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
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Jesus Mary & Joeseph! whatever will the neighbours think?
Thank [god] he didn’t scratch his balls 😕
“Moved some Cretaceous fossils to the Devonian strata to mess with the paleontologists again.”
Brilliant, Dave.
9:03pm Afternoon sushi causing late evening flatulence. Gas causes stir in atlantic resulting in hurricanes that wipe out the entire state of Florida.
8:00 PM Poker Night with Buddha, Allah, Yaweh, Jim Jones, and David Koresh. :dead:
:java:
😀 Merth! that was awesome!
ummm…only problem i see is that women don’t have morning erections
Oh I wasn’t writing about REAL God, Ladybug; just the cartoon version in the OT.
11:05 A.M. Saturday— Send Jehovah Witnesses by Dave’s Place. Have a good laugh
Two snaps for ladybug. :java:
In response to Ladybugs comment about women don’t have mornig erections. I agree especially the ugly ones.
12:10 Take a dump. California sinks into the Pacific. :dead:
Word up, ladybug.:kiss:
That was brilliant! I give that post :undies::undies::undies::undies::undies:
😆
Blue
Just like me, the Almighty just doesn’t have time to take a dump…
😈
Jaysus Christ! That was fucken hilarious!
Heh. I figured God would be Irish. 😛
Wonder what God does between 8:33am and 12:30pm?
He watches Maury Povich, Montel Williams, and Jerry Springer.
Proof positive that God has a sense of humor.
The other day a friend of mine said “if god exists he’s a motherfucker” …i tend to agree
It was pretty bloody funny anyhow.
7 vstars Dave
😀
Whacking off in the ocean and laughing as people thought it was a new sea bacteria. That’s what I was doing between 8:33 and 12:30.