Hipster Jokes (before they go mainstream)

Hipster Jokes (before they go mainstream)

22 July, 2014Posted inObservations1 Comment
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: You wouldn’t know. It’s a really obscure number. Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: Force her into the mainstream. Q: What unit do you use to weigh hipsters? A: Instagrams. Q: How do you kill a hipster? A: Stab him with a Pitchfork. Q: Who was the first hipster? A: Doesn’t matter. You’ve never heard of her. Q: Why do hipsters only use the microwave? A: They don’t like conventional ovens. Q: What do you call a shy, soft-spoken hipster? A: Mumblr. Photo Credit: Joel…
The Contents of Our Pugs Stomach

The Contents of Our Pug’s Stomach

25 April, 2014Posted inObservations1 Comment
We have a fat, old pug named Bennie. He’ll be 14 years old this year, so we don’t really give him shit about being husky. I’ve heard that Pugs cannot eat chocolate. That it’s poisonous to them. No one sent that memo to Bennie. He’s eaten chocolate, literally by the pound. He’s also eaten a pound of fudge from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, hunks of soap and bath bombs from Lush, glitter, an entire bunch of bananas, brownies and a loaf of bread. Not all at once, mind you. He does have some restraint. My favorite story about Bennie is…
asshole cats

My Asshole Cats

17 April, 2014Posted inObservations2 Comments
My Asshole Cats …Refuse to chase their toys until I’m in 4th stage REM sleep. …Only get nauseous when the floor is clean. And only on the hardwood. …Are responsible for 99% of all poltergeist activity in the lower 48 states. …Inform me their claws need trimming when they are sitting on my crotch. …Allow my baby to pull their hair, slap them and bite their heads. If I so much as pet them too close to their tails, I lose a vital organ. …Love our cranky old Pug, but are plotting the slow, painful death of our gentle Italian…

I have a quwestion

31 January, 2014Posted inObservations
Thank you for your patience! Your AT&T Representative will be with you shortly. Welcome! You are now chatting with 'Vanessa' Vanessa: Hi David, Thanks for chatting, let me help you with your concern Dave: thank you Vanessa: Your welcome! Dave: You're, not your. Vanessa: I'm not sure what you mean. Dave: You wrote "Your welcome", but you should have written "You're welcome." Vanessa: Do you have a quwestion? Dave: No, but I have a question. Vanessa: ok. Please inform me once done. Dave: Once what's done? Vanessa: Go ahead Dave: What? Vanessa: I see. So everything is ok now Vanessa:…

If it seems contrary to common sense, you're either about to die a redneck death, or have an innovative breakthrough. —Davezilla

Redneck Death or Innovation?
Bored

My easily attainable 2014 New Years Resolutions

03 January, 2014Posted inBad Ideas1 Comment
I make resolutions with the bar set really low, so I can attain them. I resolve never to purchase a Perfect Polly™ this year. Or any year. I resolve not to eat my fellow travelers if we're stranded in the Arctic. Expanding on that last one, I resolve not to go anywhere I could possibly fall into a canyon (alone) and be forced to saw off my own hand. I resolve not to defect to a Communist nation. I resolve not to use my spit to hold my daughter's hair in place. I resolve not to punch a Great White…