What I Learned About Italians from 10 Days in Naples

19 October, 2012Posted inObservations1 Comment
Their local motto is, "If you can drive in Napoli, you can drive in Hell." At the outdoor cafés, pigeons are smarter than waiters. The pizza really is 10 times better. Pulcinella is either good luck, bad luck, an evil clown or a sex god, depending on whom you ask. Napoli is full of budding Banksys. Stone-washed jeans are still alive and well in Southern Italy. Children not only openly use professional grade fireworks in the streets, they are encouraged to do so by adults. Texting while driving gives you the right of way.

What I Learned from Movies, XV: Cop-Out Answers

12 October, 2012Posted inOriginal Humor2 Comments
One thing I really hate? Unacceptable answers to cover a weak plot or to justify why a character can do a certain thing. The second and third Matrix movies are notorious for covering plot gaps with lines that at first listen sound like they could be deep—then you remember that these are movies with Keanu Reeves as a savior figure. Maybe it's a childhood thing of hating when my mother always said, "Because I said so, that's why!" but I really dislike copout answers. Here's some that appear in multiple films that have irked me greatly. "How do you know…

My Embarassing Dream Soundtracks

28 August, 2012Posted inObservations1 Comment
As I've written about before, I remember most of my dreams, which isn't so bad, but they always have a soundtrack. A bad one. Usually a short section of a song or jingle that repeats throughout the dream like a broken record. Ninety percent of the time, it's a musical genre I would not listen to, willingly. Worse, I wake up with the song replaying in my head. This morning, it was Olivia Newton John's Xanadu. Here's some of the more revolting ones from this month. The theme music from HGTV's Love It or List It Shakira's Hips Don't Lie…

People Who Need to Go Far, Far Away

18 August, 2012Posted inObservations3 Comments
People who hit their brakes inexplicably when nothing is in front of them and they aren't speeding. People who use douchebag words like 'braggadocious' and 'YOLO' in everyday speech. The inventors of Powerpoint, Jeggings, Crocs and UGGs. The creators of 'Call of the Wildman', 'Hillbilly Handfishing' and other white trash train wrecks. Professionals who say, "Let's really think out of the box on this one, guys." As if their coworkers were intentionally coming up with tired ideas because no one reminded them to be innovative. Honey Boo Boo, although I rather feel bad for this kid. She'll grow up realizing…