Worst things to do in a library

1. Lung the Younger

   12 January, 2007, 4:09 am

   11. Continue reading when you have been informed that your country is under attack.
   12. To the librarian: ‘Excuse me Miss, there’s no toilet paper in the john so do know where I can find The Da Vinci Code?’
   13. Make your own glory hole by removing a couple of strategic books from shelves N-P and V-W.
   14. Rip out the last 3 pages of all the mystery novels.
   15. Walk in with a can of gasoline and ask for the Salman Rushdie section.
   16. Walk by the Women’s Studies section while singing ‘Thank ‘eaven For Leettle Girls….’ In a Maurice Chevalier accent.

2. mikeB

   12 January, 2007, 7:33 am

   [Comment ID #83615 will be quoted here]

   LOL! I forgot what I was going to write after reading #15.

3. Infernos

   12 January, 2007, 8:21 am

   Don’t mess with the children’s librarian. They can be foul, evil, and unforgiving creatures should you piss them off. On the other hand, they have very dirty minds and a bizarre sense of humor so they make great party animals.

4. Bigwavdave

   12 January, 2007, 8:26 am

   Sitting in a crowded section, unleash the chili / beer farts. Follow up with the loud proclamation “Good lord, somebody cut one!”

5. Shrubby

   12 January, 2007, 9:22 am

   Dress in nothing but red swim trunks and hold a large orange floatation device with it strapped across your chest. Then, using your best David Hasselhof impression “rescue” a foriegn student (preferably from Japan or China) from their homework. Repeat until either you are kicked out of the library for life or you have successfully saved all the international students from “shark infested waters”.

6. sledge

   12 January, 2007, 9:41 am

   Borrow 25 movies,20 books,as many CD’s that you can carry bring them back 3 weeks late and inform the librarian that you are only returning them for a friend

7. Nikki

   12 January, 2007, 9:54 am

   Video = Awesomeness.

8. adognamedgromit

   12 January, 2007, 10:41 am

   re: Video
   The Librarian is so quiet.
   I think the only way to win that game is not to play it.

9. Astryd

   12 January, 2007, 10:53 am

   [Comment ID #83630 will be quoted here]

   YOU GOTTA TRY THIS !!!!! IT’S AWESOME!!!!! I have a 95% rescue rate! THANX SHRUBBY!!!

10. Rosalind

    12 January, 2007, 11:35 am

    I heard some one going mental in the library the other day; I think I know what they were reading at the time!

11. Penguin Pete

    12 January, 2007, 1:28 pm

    #17(?) Use a cell phone. Loudly.

    whoops, forgot, that’ one people actually do. 🙄

12. Meagan

    12 January, 2007, 1:29 pm

    – Go into the romance section with your boy/girlfriend and read the steamy scenes outloud and role play.
    – Photocopy numerous pages out of the Kama Sutra and then place the photocopies in childrens books.
    – Hurdle jump over the turnstiles.
    – Check out a huge pile of books and then ask the librarian if books are flammable.
    – Cyberstalk someone on one of the public computers.
    – Scare people in the history section by jumping out at them wearing a viking helmet and brandishing a sword.
    – Grab a whole bunch of encyclopedias and then use a permanent marker to “update the information.”
    – Go into the video section and replace some of the educational films with porn.

13. Meagan

    12 January, 2007, 1:35 pm

    Release the termites!

14. Spud

    12 January, 2007, 9:32 pm

    Video – funniest I’ve seen in a long while, the Japanese make an art of these kind of pranks.

15. alecto

    12 January, 2007, 11:06 pm

    [Comment ID #83634 will be quoted here]

    I think I’ve done that!!

    Ask the meanist looking libraian you can find to help you look for the most embarrising/ hardest to find books, do it for about a hour or so and when you’re done and s/he asks you if you want to check out say “No thanks. I was compairing selections. Do you have any bargin DVD’s of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ I could use to decapitate you with?”

    Stupid upity forign librairians who cancel your library card just cause you don’t wanna pay 50 BUCKS CAUSE YOU LIVE OUT OF COUNTY! Bitca.

16. Anna

    13 January, 2007, 7:21 am

    Horrified …… horrified ….. that you would treat my fellow librarians thusly. You should be more loving towards them …… they love to be frenched in public. Please make them happy.

17. Davezilla

    13 January, 2007, 10:38 am

    [Comment ID #83692 will be quoted here]

    Is that a dare? 😀

18. Lisa

    17 January, 2007, 2:30 pm

    [Comment ID #83692 will be quoted here]

    Okay. That’s hot. 😆

19. Beki

    11 February, 2007, 3:34 pm

    – Take a pile of books and put them on a large study table. Get the family in and light a bonfire and make smores and marshmallows!
    – Do the same thing as above, but get everyone in the library to gather around and have a good old camp out sing song!
    – Re-enact scenes from a porn film when a group of children is being read a story.
    – Pretend to be an Irish leprachaun and look for your pot of gold.
    – Let your dog poo on the Magna Carta and don’t pick it up.
    – Wear only a loincloth.
    – Dress as Atilla the Hun and read the books on him and rip out all the pages and eat them very messily. After you have done this, walk out like nothing happened.

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