Who’s wearing my genes?

Each year I become somewhat introspective on my birthday (rather than merely depressed), as I reflect on my life and what I have or have not become. This year it became apparent to me that the following genes remain absent or dormant in my genetic make up:

  1. The gene that enjoys waking up prior to 10am
  2. The gene that thinks pop stars have something relevant to say
  3. The gene that allows one to wear spandex pants with fur-lined Mukluks
  4. The gene that let one appreciate interpretive dance, tumbling routines and Disney on Ice
  5. The gene that drives one to own a dog equal in weight to a Ruby Grapefruit
  6. The gene that believes ruffles and shoulder-width lapels look good on females over three years-old
  7. The gene that lets males think women are impressed by cars with Hemis
  8. The gene that thinks couples should wear matching outfits in public
  9. The gene that wants to be tattooed without extensive forethought
  10. The gene that sets its TiVo up to record American Chopper
  11. The gene that desperately wants a televised theme wedding
  12. The gene that believes any philosophy of note can be gleaned from our nation’s bumper stickers
  13. The gene that leaves dinner on the stove on and then goes out for the evening
  14. The gene that blames its spouse for a nightmare it had the previous evening
  15. The gene that eats with its mouth open in front of others
  16. The gene that is responsible for putting outfits on unsuspecting pets
  17. The gene that wants to actively participate in employee pep rallies
  18. The gene that calls into Top 40 radio stations to deliver the “phrase that pays”
  19. The gene that leaves its cigarette butts on its friend’s lawn
  20. The gene that is certain all its friends all want to hear its poetry, rap or spoken word performances
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  1. I’d say you have good genes and should procreate!:lol:

  2. Spud

    I believe in all of the above…

    I must be a genius!


  3. Anna

    It’s like reading poetry.

    PS Couldn’t congratulate you this weekend, so HAPPY B’DAY!

  4. Interesting slant on the old Nurture Vs. Nature argument.

    Although IÒ€ℒd argue that Nº. 6 is probably less to do with heredity and more to do with growing up in an environment that included Chrissy Hindes.

  5. TinaMarie

    I believe that I am missing the gene that allows me to appreciate most television sitcoms and all reality shows. I just don’t get it–I know they’re supposed to be fun, but…I just don’t get it.

  6. Spud

    I’ve a question…

    What’s a Hemi?

    1. A high falootin semi?
    2. An upgraded semi?


  7. And for the lack of those genes, we are grateful.

    TinaMarie – that’s not a missing gene, honey. That’s taste. :java:

  8. I am apparently missing the gene that allows me to appreciate the aesthetic charm of a man in a Speedo.

  9. My ex-sister’s ex-husband has this gene: that makes him think that he’s entitled to borrow inordinate sums of money from my poor sainted mother and pay them pack at his convenience.

    Have a nice day!

    Oh, and that gene as well…

  10. Esther

    I am definitely missing the gene that allows me to tolerate idiots in the workplace with just a smile. πŸ‘Ώ

  11. R

    I’m missing the gene that has anything to do with NASCAR. THEY DRIVE IN A CIRCLE FOR 3 HOURS.

  12. Anonymous


  13. In thoughts like these, it’s usually safest to blame your parents.

  14. True Freak

    I lack the gene that would let me rationalize paying $4 for a single cup of coffee like substance. :java:

  15. Spud

    I still haven’t got an answer people.

    wtf is a Hemi?


  16. Unfortunately, I inherited one of my dad’s genes: after a good meal at the dinner table he would lift one cheek…

    ’nuff smelt, … er, said. My poor sainted mother.

  17. I do not have a TV watching gene or a fat gene so I guess I would make a lousy couch potato.


  18. Lace Valentine

    That reminds me, my poem about Xerox machines. As soon as I find my poem on Xerox machines I’ll be sure to post it here. I know you’ll understand it. I just wont share my Xerox machine poem with anybody!

  19. Lace Valentine

    Oh and my poem about albino bunnies. I’ve got to post that poem too!!

    It starts off:

    “You of the pink eye, ever nibbling, carrot thief of the snows,
    you rabbit of ever white whiteness under
    tinkling stars,
    being white as you please
    because whiteness of bone is death but you’re fluffy, my hunny bunny…” etc. and so forth

    Yeah, my poems are in my unwashed jeans.

  20. Lace Valentine


    O, O, O, Ohio tomboy guitar strumming vixen tongue of coy inflection,
    Give me some of that honey drip, Sappho el sexo,
    yes whispy mermaid of power chords and melody,
    you can call me anytime, leaving your indelible mark
    like a scratch on vinyl, the throb under needle is your look (mascara thick)
    flex me your bosom and your arm wrestling softness.
    Let’s ride out widly over Amish hills and corn
    to motorcycle revs and animal noises.
    You’re still my mercury in the baths of hell.

  21. This is not a hemi. But my husband hopes some women are impressed.

    Would you reconsider the televised theme wedding. Please?

  22. You’re scaring me, Melissa. Are we talking Star Trek or Noir Leather? 😐

  23. Anna

    Foreign idiot here!!!
    I’ve seen pictures, but still don’t know what a Hemi is. Please tell me (in words).

  24. Spud

    Thanks for the pic dave, now I know what a hemi is.

    Rev heads over here call them Donks

    as in:- “Hey, didjaya see the new donk I got?”

    I guess it’s pretty much the same world wide, same thing, different name.

    Anna – a Hemi is a rather large powerful internal combustion engine for the rapid forward motion of a motor vehicle.


  25. Spud

    Oh, and it’s I before E except after C Anna…

  26. Anna

    Spud I zenk joe vor zee esplaining.
    (cross between German and Desi Arnaz) :limp:

  27. wantwit

    don’t forget the gene that doesn’t antagonize the misleading receptor.

  28. I have 2 dogs that weigh the same as an apple. On cold days they appreciate a nice sweater and mittens. 😎

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