What I Learned About Car Theft from Movies

  1. All cars can be hotwired. The first time the wires contact, they will spark. The second contact will always start the car.
  2. You’ll never steal a car with bad brakes, poor suspension, etc. Stolen cars can jump cliffs, bridges and take impossible turns.
  3. Stolen cars never have safety glass.
  4. Shooting a criminal’s windshield will always kill the driver instantly, causing the vehicle to roll off a cliff into a fireball. Shooting a hero’s windshield will cause the glass to spider 14″ to the right or left of the driver.
  5. When your car is too narrow to fit through a thin European alley, leaning to the side will angle the car upward on the passenger-side wheels only.
  6. When you steal a car, no matter how intense the security or parking regulations, there will always be a parking space out front.
  7. Wht have you learned about car theft from movies?
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comment 12 comments
  • Bigwavdave

    Running into a flower cart on the sidewalk is mandatory.

  • Davezilla

    Oh true! There is always a flower cart, hot dog cart or fruit cart. Unless in Asia, in which case there will be an entire marketplace to crash into. 8)

  • misterarthur

    The car you steal, no matter how ill-equipped to do so, will be able to out run, out handle, out corner whichever vehicle is chasing it. It will always be able to speed and go down the wrong way on a one-way street with no real police ever noticing it.

  • Meagan

    You can easily break off the antenna and use it to break into a car by sliding it into the window and pressing the unlock button… wait, who would leave their car window open?!

  • Davezilla

    Good points, misterarthur and Meagan! πŸ˜‰

  • Nicolette

    The car you steal will always have a full tank of gas so the hero can get to where ever it is he needs to be heroic at, unless there are Zombies…. then he’s pretty much screwed. :dead:

  • Lung the Younger

    Before driving off with your freshly stolen car, it’s always wise to spray some William Shatner repellent on the hood.

  • Davezilla

    Those pesky Shatners! :geek:

  • chris-moritz

    Your stolen car will be damn near indestructible, capable of sustaining at least a dozen side-swipes, rams, gun-shots, near-miss grenade explosions, and potentially (though not always) a full-speed collision with a concrete wall.

    I suspect, though it’s never actually depicted, that after these events, the hero’s deductible is always low and his or her rates never go up.

  • Ddad01

    Even though it’s not raining, the streets are wet and reflecting the streetlights.

  • Davezilla

    Good point, Ddad01. Also, tires will squeal and steam as if bleach is on the street, when in the middle of the desert.

  • Yucca

    I like how the star never has to look for a parking spot. There always seems to be the BEST spot you can find at the busiest times of the day.

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