Things to avoid saying on a first date

  1. “Look! I Photoshopped what our future kids will look like.”
  2. “Is it OK if my little brother films us?”
  3. “Even if you don’t put out, I’m telling everyone you did.”
  4. “You’d better chew on this wolfbane, and here, tie this pelt about your loins. It’s … just a precaution.”
  5. “Ever done it with a real clown before?
  6. “I’m severely lactose-intolerant, but I was craving dairy and had a half gallon of milk right before you showed up.”
  7. “I have some Mexicans … um Mexican products in my trunk to drop off first.”
  8. “I have fantasies about Dick Cheney.”
  9. “I’ve always fantasized about robbing a bank on a first date. Haven’t you?”
  10. “Would you like to lose weight with 29 other people?”
free viagra
buy viagra online
generic viagra
how does viagra work
cheap viagra
buy viagra
buy viagra online inurl
viagra 6 free samples
viagra online
viagra for women
viagra side effects
female viagra
natural viagra
online viagra
cheapest viagra prices
herbal viagra
alternative to viagra
buy generic viagra
purchase viagra online
free viagra without prescription
viagra attorneys
free viagra samples before buying
buy generic viagra cheap
viagra uk
generic viagra online
try viagra for free
generic viagra from india
fda approves viagra
free viagra sample
what is better viagra or levitra
discount generic viagra online
viagra cialis levitra
viagra dosage
viagra cheap
viagra on line
best price for viagra
free sample pack of viagra
viagra generic
viagra without prescription
discount viagra
gay viagra
mail order viagra
viagra inurl
generic viagra online paypal
generic viagra overnight
generic viagra online pharmacy
generic viagra uk
buy cheap viagra online uk
suppliers of viagra
how long does viagra last
viagra sex
generic viagra soft tabs
generic viagra 100mg
buy viagra onli
generic viagra online without prescription
viagra energy drink
cheapest uk supplier viagra
viagra cialis
generic viagra safe
viagra professional
viagra sales
viagra free trial pack
viagra lawyers
over the counter viagra
best price for generic viagra
viagra jokes
buying viagra
viagra samples
viagra sample
generic cialis
cheapest cialis
buy cialis online
buying generic cialis
cialis for order
what are the side effects of cialis
buy generic cialis
what is the generic name for cialis
cheap cialis
cialis online
buy cialis
cialis side effects
how long does cialis last
cialis forum
cialis lawyer ohio
cialis attorneys
cialis attorney columbus
cialis injury lawyer ohio
cialis injury attorney ohio
cialis injury lawyer columbus
prices cialis
cialis lawyers
viagra cialis levitra
cialis lawyer columbus
online generic cialis
daily cialis
cialis injury attorney columbus
cialis attorney ohio
cialis cost
cialis professional
cialis super active
how does cialis work
what does cialis look like
cialis drug
viagra cialis
cialis to buy new zealand
cialis without prescription
free cialis
cialis soft tabs
discount cialis
cialis generic
generic cialis from india
cheap cialis sale online
cialis daily
cialis reviews
cialis generico
how can i take cialis
cheap cialis si
cialis vs viagra
generic levitra
levitra attorneys
what is better viagra or levitra
viagra cialis levitra
levitra side effects
buy levitra
levitra online
levitra dangers
how does levitra work
levitra lawyers
what is the difference between levitra and viagra
levitra versus viagra
which works better viagra or levitra
buy levitra and overnight shipping
levitra vs viagra
canidan pharmacies levitra
how long does levitra last
viagra cialis levitra
levitra acheter
comprare levitra
levitra ohne rezept
levitra 20mg
levitra senza ricetta
cheapest generic levitra
levitra compra
cheap levitra
levitra overnight
levitra generika
levitra kaufen


  1. I sure hope nobody sees us. I wouldn’t want my wife to find out.

  2. Anna

    Why won’t you wear this latex outfit, the spiked collar and the leash?

  3. Spud

    Do you think my bum is too hairy?

    Could you hold my dentures for a sec, thanks, ta.

    I just have to stop in and see my parole officer for a moment…


  4. My sinuses are messed up, could you smell this for me?
    In my day, twist and shout meant something else. 😈
    Do you wax?
    Spit or swallow?

  5. mitch

    At some point during the evening I hope to score, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

  6. Sam

    I have to back at the home by 10:00 😕

  7. Craig

    ” I have seperation issues, i hope you don’t mind if my mother tags along!” :wtf:

  8. Patrick

    (While driving) “Hold my beer. I saw this done on a movie one time. Watch this, I’m gonna try something”. :wtf:

  9. Russell

    So uh are those :boob: :boob: real

  10. MandyLocke

    That looks like a :wang:. Only much much smaller. 😐

  11. “I believe humans are slaves to aliens put on earth to harvest gold.”

    Yah, that one really happened. I can’t make up stuff that good.

  12. bo

    what do i do for a living now that Im out of the porn industry?

  13. cbatdux

    Father Bill said this alter boy reunion party would be a religious experience for him. We should have a blast!

  14. BHamm

    – Have you said hello to my hairpiece yet? SAY HELLO TO MY HAIRPIECE!!!!!

    – So, do you think after we’re married you’ll be able to support my crack addiction?

    – I love dogs. Especially in salads.

    – (Looking at watch) Darn, they’ve already shaved the goat, but if we hurry, we can still attend the ritual.

    – (When picking her up) Ha Ha! I know where you live now!

    – Take a look at this rash and tell me what you think.

    – So… ever been in a drug-induced coma for more than a month? Oh, there’s nothing like it!

    – You realize that if I have to pay for dinner, you have to put out, right?

  15. Coley

    – I’m really looking forward to tonight, usually I have to pay $50 for a blowjob.

    – Wanna F@#k, and get it over with now? (that really happened, first words out of his mouth)

    – Any sentence that starts with, “Once we get married…” or “Once we move in together…”

    – I can’t wait for you to meet the other wives, I think they’ll really like you.

  16. My ex will be sitting at the table next to us. Be sure to tell keep complimenting how good I look loud enough for her to hear. Oh, and you should put your hair up. She always wears her up. It looks awesome that way.


  17. Is it ok if you drive? I don’t trust my car to not stall on the way.

  18. Hank

    So if I pay can I go home early? 😕

  19. “So this one time, I walked into a store and found the wedding dress of my dreams and I bought it right away. Shall I model it for you?”

  20. hippychick

    – do these pants make me look phat?
    – how long until your husband is due back from work?
    – this gal right cheer is my sister..err uhh…no my cousin…no uhh my wife? OH hell, I can’t remember but I just know you’ll get along right fine!
    – You can move in with my mom and me and share our bed together as one big happy family.
    – Do you like fava beans and cianti with your liver too?
    – You’re pretty and all but my dream girl in life is a midget with a flat head and no front teeth. NEXT!

  21. Craig

    Uh, I guess a Bl__ J_b is out of the question?

  22. “Have you ever thought about a :boob: job?”

    “Have you ever thought about a :wang: pump?”

  23. Bobby

    My mom says I have to be home by 8:30…I know I’m 34, but it’s her house… :wtf:

  24. Can you wait a couple of minutes while I drop by the pharmacy? I’m all out of condoms…

    I just thought you should know that I have a slight — FUCK YOU! — problem with my Tourette — UP YOUR ASS! — Syndrome.

    My mom wants to know if you know of any good places to pick up guys…

    I want you to know that I’m not a homosexual. I just like wearing a bra and panties on dates.

  25. jeffro

    ” Man! My balls itch something terrible.”

    “pull my finger.”

    “How you doin’ ” in your best joey voice.

  26. nicnic

    “How long have you been on your job” …….. “That’s good, well how do you feel about co-signing”

    “So how long is your :wang:. In inches I mean?”……..”What!!!”

  27. cbatdux

    yew gotta a purty mouth boy!

  28. Howie

    You have a nice mouth

  29. Howie

    Apparently, great minds think alike.

  30. Dawn

    “Nice shoes…wanna F@#$?” 🙄

  31. terri

    man my back hurts, my brother kicked me out of his bed so i was stuck on the coutch.

  32. family jules

    “Do you mind if we go by the pool hall? I just gotta show the guys that I finally got a real girl on a date!”

    Also, sadly, true.

  33. starheler

    hold on i need to call my mother she gets wored if i’m late ( true story)
    duck my polrole offecer might see you (same date)
    hey are we goting to f-ck or did i just wast an evening (end of date) :puke:

  34. Lace Valentine

    “Is it ok if we eat off of each other’s plate?”

    “Something in this car really smells like poontang.”

    “The last date I had, Jimmy Carter was in office.”

    “I’ve gotta dildo in the glove compartment.”

    “Actually, Gacey was a sweet clown.”

    “I like to give tongue on the first date.”

    “I already have an internet shrine page devouted to you. It’s called, WHY I LOVE SANDY!!1!”

    “If I clipped my toes nails, would you be cool with that?”

    ❓ ❓ ❓ ❗

  35. Lace Valentine

    And finally:

    “I’m sorta starting to get into autoerotic asphyxiation…”


  36. Spud

    Does my passing wind bother you? no? great! …….brrrrrrrpttttt!

  37. cbatdux

    Do you mind if I take a picture of you? Naked? In my bed? With my dog?

  38. tinamarie

    I hope you weren’t planning on scoring on the first date or anythings. See, I just got over the crabs, and everything is sensitive down there. Sorry. :wtf:

  39. Sue

    Oh, you wanted something to eat? Does McDonalds accept EBT cards!!

  40. Daniel

    1: “Is this the biggest :wang: you’ve ever seen or what!”
    2: “You’ve probably heard some guys say that 69 is their favorite number. Mine’s the number 10, because there is a stick and a hole to go in.”
    3: “Don’t worry, I’ve seen The Fonz do it many times.”
    4: “Could you help me out; in high school, they voted me least likely to get laid in my entire life, so far they were right. Could you help change that?”
    5: “You remind me of my ex.”
    6: “Can I tell the DJ to play Y.M.C.A.?”
    7: “How big are your :boob: :boob:?”
    8: See #5—“You remind me of my cousin.”(Not a bad thing in Kentucky by what I understand)
    9: “The closest I’ve ever come to getting laid is when the box of Lays Potato Chips about fell on me the other day.”
    10: “You’re the only woman that I know that can turn my :limp: into :wang:, other than dear ol’ ma.”

    Those of you offended by any of these, I’m sorry. Those of you that want to complain about it, I have no problem sending my evil were-rabbits of doom to deal with you in their own special way.
    Remember that’s EVIL WERE_RABBITS OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!
    And for all intents and purposes, you can add this ranting to the list above as #11!

  41. jwalkingthunder

    😈 I Love it more please lots more :wang: great 😆

  42. Daniel

    “I’ve this bad itch. What? With you fingers? No, use this screwdriver, it’s the only thing that works.”

  43. Stephanie

    :twisted:I am a scientologist.
    :wtf: You have great :wang:-sucking lips! (This REALLY happened!)

  44. jayray

    I suffer from Paranoid Delusional Pyscosis; my doctor says everyone has it, but they don’t know it, so don’t be alarmed if I duck or pull you into an alley occasionally, OK!!!!!!

  45. Paige

    So, would you like to watch me and my best friend go at it. (OH. Wait a minute. This is about what men DONT want to hear on a first date, isnt it??) Ok. would you like to watch me and your best friend go at it???? :wang: :boob:

  46. Spud

    pussy cat pussy cat
    I see you

  47. Daniel

    [Comment ID #17326 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Paige, I think men would more like to hear, “Would you like to join me best friend and I!” And further more for the second half, what if the guy’s best friend was a woman, not so bad after all.

  48. yea but knowing your luck daneil, it would be a guy who has been longing for you!

Comments are closed