Things Mother never said

1. Esther

   21 July, 2004, 1:46 am

   or “Watch out for that A-1 asshat, who will break up with you in McDonald’s, and then ask why you’ve stopped eating.”
   (True story, btw)

2. Anna

   21 July, 2004, 3:15 am

   So you’ve never met MY mother. She actually did say alot of similar things.

   The only thing she never said though was ‘go forth and do drugs’ … how uncool is THAT!!

3. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

   21 July, 2004, 6:25 am

   When I was a small boy, I would often receive “pearls of wisdom” from my grandmother.

   Whilst carrying my skateboard she would often shout out a comment like “You’ll have someone’s eye out with that!”

   I have never heard of a skateboard/eye related accident in my life, but proceeded with caution nevertheless.

   She was after all, older and wiser than me and had probably seen her fair share of skateboard impalements and missing eyes.

   Other gems included “If you fall off that wall and break your legs. DON’T come running to me!”

   Again, although impossible, I subconsciously stored it in my memory banks.
   The visual image of me stuck under the garden wall like Humpty Dumpty with no means of attracting help would give me nightmares well into my teenage years.

   “You’ll get a cold walking about like that!” was her particular favourite in mid summer or how about “If you keep pulling faces and the wind changes. Your face will stay like that”.

   OR

   Did you know that if you lie, a little goblin will come and take your tongue away to the goblin err……tongue town?

   You have been warned.

   

4. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

   21 July, 2004, 6:33 am

   P.S

   There was one more thing she also said on her hospital bed that has always stuck with me.

   “When I die, if you look in the sky at night, one of the stars will twinkle. That ones me looking down on you.”

   Funnily I always remember that one and somewhere in my heart, I actually think it may be true or at least.

   I hope so.

5. Davezilla

   21 July, 2004, 7:06 am

   “What stars are those, Mr. Scientist?”
   “Why that’s Cygnus. Oh and that’s Arcturus right next to the Grandma JeLLYBaBY Nebulae.”

6. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

   21 July, 2004, 7:29 am

   Carefull Dave,

   My grandmother said that if you look at the stars too much, goblins will take your eye out with a skateboard!

   

7. Spud

   21 July, 2004, 7:34 am

   My mother always used to say “if you don’t eat your crusts you won’t get curly hair”

   I didn’t, but I did.

   However she did used to say “go play in the street”

8. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

   21 July, 2004, 7:41 am

   Mine was carrots being somehow linked to having hairs on your chest!

   I wonder what eating cucumber is supposed to do?

9. Davezilla

   21 July, 2004, 7:52 am

   I wonder what eating cucumber is supposed to do?
   Well, I’d tell you, but that’s a trade secret.

10. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

    21 July, 2004, 8:15 am

    Your trade somehow being connected with cucumbers?

    Dave your not moonlighting as a greengrocer again are you?

11. Anna

    21 July, 2004, 8:25 am

    Now I always thought of Spud as being a person with curls …. all over ~runs like hell~

12. Steppenwolf

    21 July, 2004, 12:08 pm

    “Don’t worry about wearing clean underwear. If you get in an accident they’ll be soiled anyway.”

    “Yes, that *is* an impressive booger Billy.”

13. Nikki

    21 July, 2004, 12:11 pm

    “Playing with that too often will make it grow longer.”

14. Natalie

    21 July, 2004, 12:35 pm

    Mmmmmm, cucumber…

15. Esther

    21 July, 2004, 12:37 pm

    Oh my. 😯

16. Spud

    21 July, 2004, 5:54 pm

    Mother also said “stop it or you’ll go blind”

    *tap tap tap*

17. Davezilla

    21 July, 2004, 6:26 pm

    “Playing with that too often will make it grow longer.”
    Is that what caused it…

18. Spud

    21 July, 2004, 6:50 pm

    I think mother was refering to sitting too close to the Tv screen. 😉

19. kermit

    21 July, 2004, 10:33 pm

    I’m sure my mother would say all of those things, if only she thought of them. For instance, a recent incident:
    She comes over to visit and brings me some pots and pans.
    I say: “But mom, I don’t need them and I don’t want to wash them.” (Hey, anything that I can say to minimize the amount of dishwashing I have to do I will do).
    Her reply: “But your knee hurts!”
    Apparently having excess pots and pans is a cure for knee pain.

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