The Contents of Our Pugs Stomach

The Contents of Our Pug’s Stomach

25 April, 2014Posted inObservations1 Comment
We have a fat, old pug named Bennie. He’ll be 14 years old this year, so we don’t really give him shit about being husky. I’ve heard that Pugs cannot eat chocolate. That it’s poisonous to them. No one sent that memo to Bennie. He’s eaten chocolate, literally by the pound. He’s also eaten a pound of fudge from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, hunks of soap and bath bombs from Lush, glitter, an entire bunch of bananas, brownies and a loaf of bread. Not all at once, mind you. He does have some restraint. My favorite story about Bennie is…

Things I Learned from Movies, Ninjas

17 January, 2009Posted inObservations9 Comments
Modern Ninjas are generally six foot-tall white or Asian males, unmarried, who live on islands working as bodyguards for evil, French billionaires. Guard dogs cannot kill or overpower Ninjas, no matter how large or well-trained. Ninjas are not only silent — they’re mute from birth. They moonlight as mimes. Orphaned, white teenagers invariably become better at Ninjitsu than the 80 year-old Japanese masters who taught them. Ninja clans can hold grudges longer than the Middle East. Ninjas frequently hold practice sessions in abandoned New York warehouses that somehow still have electricity, but no rat or roach problems. Ninjas inevitably meet…