Observations Archives | Page 18 of 47

20 things to do by age 40

By Davezilla 10 August, 2006Observations31 Comments

Swallow a bug while bicycling Swallow a bug as part of a foreign dish Become embarrassed by a coworker's singing Wedgie a close friend, possibly of the opposite sex Poke a badger with a spoon Take off your clothes in front of the wrong person Go an entire day without noticing that your: Shirt is inside out Pants have an unidentifiable stain on it Collar has lipstick on it Socks don't match Face is only partially shaved Instant message a complete stranger with government conspiracy theories Let a penguin loose at work Order fast food from a drive thru, while…

Seasonal Ho

By Davezilla 08 August, 2006Observations21 Comments

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Complete this Sentence:

By Davezilla 06 August, 2006Observations34 Comments

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More people we can safely dislike #11

By Davezilla 30 July, 2006Observations28 Comments

People from the South who claim that 78°F is "chilly". Hold up, son. You don't know what chilly is. Flight attendants who are more concerned with their nails than their passengers. The guy you see in your rear view mirror, flipping you off because you dared to stop at the red light instead of blowing it.* People who forward me links to my own site, with the note, "Dude, this site is hilarious. You should check it out." Companies who actually send me mail addressed to "Mr. or Mrs. Dave Zilla". Neighbors who run their chainsaw at midnight. *The best…

Childhood Taboos

By Davezilla 29 July, 2006Observations22 Comments

Remember when your parents gave you wholly unscientific superstitions and warnings, such as "Don't swallow gum; it will stay in your stomach for seven years!" or, "If you make a face like that, it will stick that way forever." Nikki and I were discussing those this afternoon when I had the idea to write up some new ones. Step on a crack, break your mother's Internet connection. If you don't eat your broccoli, you will starve in Ethiopia when you grow up. If you don't stop talking on the cell phone, your ears will grow over it. If you wear…

Cruel things for flight attendants to say

By Davezilla 27 July, 2006Observations28 Comments

Last night's flight home was not uneventful. We were still in the airâ€”nearly a half hour lateâ€”when the pilot said, "I'm sure you may have noticed that we've just been flying around in circles. We can't land due to strong thunderstorms over Detroit, but we'll need to or we'll run out of fuel soon." Not the type of message that inspires confidence. People started panicking and biting their nails. He might as well have said, "I am in ur airplane, crashing ur passengers." While waiting to die land, I thought of some cruel things flight attendants could say: "We're running…

Words you can’t use in Scrabble

By Davezilla 23 July, 2006Observations28 Comments

Seriously. We checked. Barfz, as in, "He barfz a lot". Uepoxy, as in, "Can uepoxy this together?" Uquité, which Natalie insists is a Spanish word yet to be invented. Taintzo, as in, "Say it t'aintzo." Z-Slap, 3 bitch-slaps in a Zorro pattern Rootzen, Natalie insists this is German. Apparently my German dictionary is out of date. iLarge, New, from Apple. Eau de U.S., the smell of the United States Got any other words we should have tried? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free…

Fill in the blank #1

By Davezilla 22 July, 2006Observations34 Comments

Multi-tasking Combinations to Avoid

By Davezilla 21 July, 2006Observations23 Comments

While I'm a bit of a multi-tasker myself, I find that many combinations are simply not suitable together. For example: Putting in contact lenses while bull-fighting Bikini waxing while practicing the luge Ransacking a city while baby-sitting Performing testicular surgery while driving in NASCAR Committing hari kiri while toasting the bride and groom Raking leaves while pursuing a criminal Grooming a pet while eating spaghetti Training a dog to sit while jogging Talking to Davezilla while dressed as a clown What combinations would you avoid? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy…

Thanks, no

By Davezilla 16 July, 2006Observations31 Comments

Use only as directed

By Davezilla 14 July, 2006Observations37 Comments

Coca Cola: Intended as a soft drink, but does a great job cleaning whitewall tires. Do not use Coca Cola as birth control. Seriously. Mentos: Sold as a breath mint, but we all know Mentos are meant for rocketry experiments. Toothpaste: Intended for teeth, but does a great job polishing silverware and filling nail holes when showing the house to realtors. Clowns: Intended to make children laugh, but succeed only in scaring the crap out of adults. Hairspray: Meant to hold hair in place, but better at removing ink from fabric and when set afire, makes a brilliant bug repellant.…

Plagues that didn’t make it to Egypt

By Davezilla 11 July, 2006Observations36 Comments

The Plague of Slinkys The Plague of Double-Sided Tape (quickly followed byâ€¦) A Rain of Lint A Flood of Nail Clippings Each first-born son will have a third nipple The Plague of BeDazzlers A Flood of Grape Jelly A Plague of Chalkboard Screeching A Stampede of Rodeo Mimes What plagues would you envision? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy…