Tag: Observations

  • Fill in the blanks #2

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  • Elaborate Restaurant Hoax

    The Setup: Will require three couples. Ideally, two of the couples will look similar and one couple will look extremely different from the other two (extreme height or weight difference, skin color, accent, etc.). All couples should carry cellphones with ability to text each other. The couples that look similar should dress alike too, if…

  • 20 things to do by age 40

    Swallow a bug while bicycling Swallow a bug as part of a foreign dish Become embarrassed by a coworker’s singing Wedgie a close friend, possibly of the opposite sex Poke a badger with a spoon Take off your clothes in front of the wrong person Go an entire day without noticing that your: Shirt is…

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  • More people we can safely dislike #11

    People from the South who claim that 78°F is “chilly”. Hold up, son. You don’t know what chilly is. Flight attendants who are more concerned with their nails than their passengers. The guy you see in your rear view mirror, flipping you off because you dared to stop at the red light instead of blowing…

  • Childhood Taboos

    Remember when your parents gave you wholly unscientific superstitions and warnings, such as “Don’t swallow gum; it will stay in your stomach for seven years!” or, “If you make a face like that, it will stick that way forever.” Nikki and I were discussing those this afternoon when I had the idea to write up…

  • Cruel things for flight attendants to say

    Last night’s flight home was not uneventful. We were still in the air—nearly a half hour late—when the pilot said, “I’m sure you may have noticed that we’ve just been flying around in circles. We can’t land due to strong thunderstorms over Detroit, but we’ll need to or we’ll run out of fuel soon.” Not…

  • Words you can’t use in Scrabble

    Seriously. We checked. Barfz, as in, “He barfz a lot”. Uepoxy, as in, “Can uepoxy this together?” Uquité, which Natalie insists is a Spanish word yet to be invented. Taintzo, as in, “Say it t’aintzo.” Z-Slap, 3 bitch-slaps in a Zorro pattern Rootzen, Natalie insists this is German. Apparently my German dictionary is out of…

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  • Multi-tasking Combinations to Avoid

    While I’m a bit of a multi-tasker myself, I find that many combinations are simply not suitable together. For example: Putting in contact lenses while bull-fighting Bikini waxing while practicing the luge Ransacking a city while baby-sitting Performing testicular surgery while driving in NASCAR Committing hari kiri while toasting the bride and groom Raking leaves…

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