People we can safely dislike #3

  1. People who see every natural disaster or world event as somehow intimately tied to themselves, and view their existence as the cause.
  2. You’re waiting in a huge line at an over-priced coffee chain. The person in front of you has spent the entire time complaining about how ridiculous the line is and how long everyone is taking to order. It’s finally that person’s turn. Like a deer in the headlights, they suddenly have no idea what they want and need to have each item described in detail. Twice.
  3. The guy who always has a story one better than you. No matter who you are, or what walk of life you come from, he did it first, better, longer, faster, and more amazing than you.
  4. Women who wear spike heels and skirts to completely inappropriate venues — like rock climbing.
  5. People who introduce themselves to you out of the blue and try to shake your hand after you’ve just seen them scratch their nether regions.


  1. 1. People who tap on the glass of aquariums.

    2. People who use their cell phones in cinema halls.

    3. People who use their cell phones while driving.

    4. People who flaunt their cameltoes. Blech. Who wants to see your bulbous sacs outlined by taut fabric?!

    5. Jehovah’s witnesses.

    6. People who obnoxiously believe that the public should be entertained with the accoustics of their flatulence, while they, with the annoying air of someone who is deliberately ignorant, sit with their heads buried in newspapers in crowded NYC subways.

    7. Dubya. 😈

  2. Amen on #7 Minn, over and over and over.

  3. mikeB

    Idiots who say “it’s like deja vu all over again”. 👿

  4. Spud

    It’s all my fault this topic came to pass, I mean really, I tried to write the right thing, but I forgot the rules and so I have to rave on like a lunatic.

    On the other hand you do realise that in reading these words, you entered my realm of super abilities, my car is bigger than yours, I can fart longer and louder than you can, oh yes I hear you snigger, but it is true nontheless.

    My girlfriend thought I was inappropriately dressed going to her brothers wedding in my best scuba diving gear, but of course I dismissed this as nothing more than jealousy, especially seeing as how I had just farted in said scuba gear and felt the need to do a jock check by feeling in the afore said mentioned sounding area and then proceeded to shake hands with her father and mother.

    Why doesn’t she return my calls? 😕

  5. Frisko

    People without tinted windows that pick their nose while driving and recycle their findings, always crack me up.

    I don’t go to coffee places because of the person in front of me that never can decide.


  6. Esther

    People that cause you to miss an otherwise perfectly good left turn arrow, because they’re turning soooo..slooooooow.:dead:

  7. People who trim their nails on public transit (or anywhere in public, for that matter – it just seems like in Toronto, the TTC is apopular place for attending to matters of personal hygiene, for some unknown reason).

    ICK, ICK, EW!

  8. Margaret

    People who use the word ‘irregardless’, and the phrase ‘same difference’.

    My friends/family that come ALLLLL the way to Germany, and only want to eat McDonalds.

    Drivers that get to the check point at the military installation, and don’t have their identification to get on base~~backing up traffic while they get out and crawl around the back seat, hunt in the trunk for their ID card.

  9. People who feel the need to hack up a big’ol loogie and spit on the sidewalk within 100 feet of your personage.

  10. Icairus

    Can we hate the #4/#3 combo? The woman who goes rock climbing in a miniskirt and spike heels, yet still manages to be the best climber there?

  11. my personal favourite (errr… least favourite) are the dickheads that come into the cybercafe here and haven’t got a clue how to open a browser, how to get to HoTMaiL, how to type in their password, or expect me to REMEMBER their password for them.

    Where’s the “@” sign? HoTMaiL won’t accept my password, what’s wrong with *your* computer!? It says “SERVER TOO BUSY” — why is that? Why can’t I install my STOOPiT software on your system? How can I find out my friend’s address that I don’t have, that I never had, who I haven’t seen in ten years, who is probably DEAD?

    Why does Windows crash all the time? Why can’t you fix it? My system NEVER crashes! I NEVER have a problem with HoTMaiL! My password worked the LAST time I used it!

    “Dear User,
    If I knew why Windows crashes all the time, and I could fix it, I would be richer than BILL (Anti-Christ) GATES. HoTMaiL is a free service. Do you think that BILL (A-C) Gates gives a rat’s ass if your HoTMaiL account is not working?”

    Thank you for your visit. Goodbye, soto voce (doofus).

  12. Ignorant mouth-breathers who abdicate their responsibility to vote intelligently by setting voice to the words, “Anyone but Bush.”

  13. Or how about the guy who always has a story worse than yours. No matter what happened, or what how many times you got screwed over, it happened to him first, worst, longer, and harder, and more deserving of sympathy than you.


    In some ways, it’s worse than the guy who has the need to one up everyone they know…but often enough it’s the same guy…

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