Celebrity books that never saw print

29 November, 2007Posted inObservations41 Comments
Britney Spears Guide to Succesful Parenting Gene Simmons Golden Book of Celibacy Jokes to tell your grandmother, by Gilbert Godfrey Michael Jackon’s Makeup Secrets Rosie O’Donnell’s Art of Being a Lady An Illustrated History of Modesty by Paris Hilton Johnny Cash’s Guide to a More Colorful You Michael Vick’s Big Book of Pets Better English in 30 Days with Flavor Flav Shane McGowan’s Secrets to a Beautiful Smile Your turn. What books did I miss?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online…

Caption Time #209

28 November, 2007Posted inCaption Time33 Comments
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Separated at birth, No. 8

27 November, 2007Posted inUncategorized20 Comments
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Email chain that won’t die

26 November, 2007Posted inObservations31 Comments
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Lamest Super-powers to have

25 November, 2007Posted inObservations35 Comments
The ability to remove the fizz from all carbonated beverages in a two mile radius The ability to destroy two evils that have plagued mankind for ages: soap scum and dust bunnies A duo with the ability to turn themselves into a tasteful pair of Pottery Barn book ends The ability to warp time such that all watches and clocks end up set to the wrong time zone The ability to lower cholesterol to a healtheir, more manageable level The ability to shred cheese with a single touch The ability to make any piece toast stale on command The ability…

Why Johnny Can’t Read

23 November, 2007Posted inUncategorized17 Comments
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Complete this sentence, #39

22 November, 2007Posted inObservations36 Comments
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Risky things to do on Thanksgiving Day

21 November, 2007Posted inObservations33 Comments
Stuff the turkey with packing peanuts Schedule the cable TV to be disconnected during the 3rd quarter of the game Replace your grandparents’ decaf with double espresso Melt double salt licorice in the mashed potatoes. You know, for kids! If asked to bring pie and whipped cream, show up naked under a trenchcoat with several cans of whipped cream. Pretend you thought it was a “different type of party.” viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side…

Caption Time #208

19 November, 2007Posted inCaption Time45 Comments
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What I’ve learned from cats

17 November, 2007Posted inObservations43 Comments
New shoes are the natural repository for cats to vomit into Your current reading material is the most comfortable place to take a nap There is no cupboard door made that cannot be pried open with a paw The ideal surface for removing clingy cat litter from paws is a laptop keyboard If it can be clawed apart, it will be. If it was meant to be clawed apart, it will be ignored. Catnip is exciting sure, but houseplants, now that’s a real rush. Some of the scultpures in the litterbox Zen garden are deemed too important to be buried…

Getting rid of unwanted holiday guests

15 November, 2007Posted inObservations36 Comments
When the holidays come around, we are once again called upon to perform a duty which I feel should be made illegal as soon as possible: entertaining relatives. As that is not likely to happen in my lifetime, it is incumbent upon us to take matters in our own hands. Here are some solutions I dreamt up while sick in bed this week. I plan on implementing each one this season. John Cakes: Unlike Johnny Cakes which are in fact, edible and quite good, the John Cake is in fact, a highly toxic urinal cake, decked and trimmed into a…

Caption Time #207

14 November, 2007Posted inCaption Time, Observations57 Comments
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