Recent Effluvia:

  • No thanks

    Meme - Do you want to learn to play the banjo?

  • Always and forever

    Meme - When your lunchable comes with one less cracker and you’re just tired of all the bullshit

  • OEROOOOOO

    Meme – OREO, O&REO, O&O, OREOREO, RERERERE, OOOOO, OREOO, etc.

  • Every time I go to Olga’s…

    Meme - Batman, Me looking at the menu even though I’m going to get the same thing as usual.

  • It me.

    Meme: Person 1: Y’all ever seen someone so out of your league it’s depressing? Person 2: I have seen women, yes.

  • Croc Martens

    Croc Martens

  • Chuck Norris

    Conversation between any group of males in 1978

    “Chuck Norris could beat anyone.”

    “No way could Chuck Norris beat Bruce Lee.”

    “Yeah, Bruce Lee ripped the heart from a live cow with one strike.”

    “And he drank blood.”

    “And no one to this day, knows how he died.”

    “Norris got him.”

  • New Scents for Yankee Candles

    If Yankee Candles actually smelled like things from the Northern US, the candle scents would change up a bit.

    1. Brown Snowdrift
    2. Hoboken Hobo
    3. Leftover Pizza in the Fridge
    4. Warm IPA
    5. Overpriced, Overly-Sweet Cocktail that Looked Good in the Menu, But Wasn’t 
    6. Women’s’ Room After a Concert
    7. Crushed Black Fly
    8. Lacrosse Coach
    9. Middle-Eastern Man’s Cologne
    10. Air from a Hipster’s Bike Tire
    11. Flint Beach Water
    12. Union Worker Angst
    13. Mosquito Blood
    14. Coney Island Hotdog, Extra Onions
    15. Sublime Subway
    16. Rust
    17. Vacation Bible School
    18. Detroit Bar Mat
    19. Panera Lemon
    20. Fear of the South

  • Skunked

    Last night I was almost sprayed by a skunk. It was tiny.  Not much bigger than a baby squirrel, but the sight of its raised tail made me shriek and run away like a scared toddler.

    What. Me embarrassed? 

  • Siri is the devil

    Siri is the devil

    Was just in a client phone conference when SIRI popped up from my AppleWatch with this:

    SIRI: “Did you accidentally summon me?”
    ME: “Summon you? What are you, a demon?”
    SIRI: “Let’s talk about you, David. Not me.”

    Should I be afraid? I think I should be afraid.

  • It was 20 years ago today…

    Twenty years ago today, I quietly launched this little humor blog called Davezilla. It’s now one of the longest running humor blogs on Earth (if not the longest).

    One thing I am incredibly proud of is the amazing folks I have met through this site. Heroes (to me) like Jeffrey Zeldman, Heather Champ, Jesse James Garrett, Chris Brogan, Sara Evans, Alexis Ohanian, Matt Mullenweg, and too many more to mention. You know who you are.

    This blog has been featured in Wired multiple times, a book by Yahoo! called Five Years that Influenced the Web, and American Greetings even made a desk calendar of my Manly Tips for Bachelor Living section.

    The anagrams were my real start. In 1999, I started making anagrams of celebrities, accompanied by cartoons. Encouraged by Heather Champ to continue doing them, I began seeing my anagrams appearing on university sites, in books, and circulated through emails.

    I figured I had a popular blog when a few things happened.

    Davezilla.com Timeline:

    1999:

    My mother forwarded me an email that had two dozen forwards already called, “Ways to annoy waitstaff” and said I’d probably like it. I replied, “Yes I do. I wrote it.”

    2000:

    I got my first hate mail (2000). Definitely a good sign.

    2001:

    I got a cease and desist letter from billion dollar company in Japan. Toho, to be precise. Owners of all things Godzilla. Their law firm was sending out random C&Ds to any site with “zilla” in the name.

    I laughed about the C&D. Then freaked out. Then calmed down as I recalled that a new browser called Mozilla wasn’t being sued. Neither was a popular new show called Bridezillas.

    Instead, I asked several (150) blogger buds to repost my C&D. I got free legal help from all over the world. I also got a TON of free publicity. My site went from 200 visitors a day to 60,000 a minute (thanks to Slashdot, Wired, and Metafilter).

    I got interviewed 116 times over the C&D. I got on TV. Harvard Law School wrote about it.

    My web host was not amused by the spike and called me at home. Le sigh.

    Blogging has slowed down…

    Today, blogging doesn’t seem to have the camaraderie that it had back then. My audience has moved (mostly) to Facebook. I got married, and have two adorable, precocious girls. My blogging time became limited.

    But this year will change that. Times are getting weird again, and it’s time to anagram.

    Here’s looking at 20 more years of Davezilla…

  • Holy fucking shit, kid

    Holy fucking shit, kid. I need a god damn pizza
    Holy fucking shit, kid. I need a god damn pizza

Swiggety-Swag

I make things. People buy them.

Tarot of the Unexplained

USD $22.95

  • The first tarot deck to include cryptids, the paranormal, portals, and Forteana.
  • Silver, gilded-edge 30 gsm cards
  • Includes a 96-page full-color book
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Magical AI Grimoire

USD $22.95

  • 288 page grimoire chronicling the magical community’s adoption of tech and AI
  • Learn how to use AI for spells from multiple magical systems point of view
  • Forward by Peter J. Carroll
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