Bob: “I see you wear white frequently.”
Me: “Every day, Bob. We’ve been through this six or seven times.”
Bob: “I see you come to Starbucks a lot.”
Me: “Yes, Bob.”
Bob: “And I see you wear white frequently.”
Me: “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
Bob: “No, my name is Bob.”
Me: “Thank you, Captain Bobvious.”

Please tell me I’m not the only person who has to deal with someone like this. He isn’t slow. He’s actually rather intelligent, but idolizes me for some reason and won’t leave me alone.

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Show 36 Comments


  1. Anna

    Yes Dave, you are the only one who has to deal with these kinds of people. … it must be your zilla-ness.
    When WE meet you we will say similar intelligent things, like “I don’t believe it is you, I just don’t believe it. Is it REALLY you?”

  2. Quin

    Just some quick and quasi-reliable info about the playing cards. The title of the page reads “Jintai Torampu”; jintai is the human body, and torampu (from the English “trump”) means playing cards. If I’m not grossly misreading the text, the first paragraph suggests the rules that came with the cards weren’t very interesting, so this person decided to create a revised set of rules.

    Originally, this card set was to be played as a memory game where the player turns two cards face-up and keeps them if they match, or returns them to a face-down position if they don’t. There are two special cards, the nurse and doctor cards. If the nurse card is turned over, the player turns the four cards along its edges face-up, then keeps playing until he fails to make a match. If the doctor card is turned over, every card in that row and column is turned face-up and the player keeps playing until he fails to make a match. In either case, once the player fails to make a match, the nurse/doctor card is left face-up and cannot be triggered again, but all the other face-up cards are turned face-down again, and play proceeds as normal.

    The red-suited cards represent body parts and organs (e.g., stomach), and the corresponding black-suited cards represent matching illnesses and afflictions (e.g., gastric ulcer). The author’s suggested new rules are similar to War (each player turns over a card; highest number takes both cards). Note that the black-suited cards have negative numbers, so red will normally beat black. But here’s the twist: If one player plays a red card and the other plays a black card that shows an affliction that affects the body part shown on the red card — gastric ulcer vs. stomach, for instance — the black card beats the red card.

    Very cool cards!

  3. Spud

    I have to say that is probably one of the longest winded explanation I’ve read in awhile, but it was bloody good, I think I understand the game.

    Mucho grassy arse.

    When the day of colour madness Dave? May or something? then I expect pictures of you in Technicolour robes of some discription or other…

  4. Da Popster

    This syndrome does have a cure. Simply apply a green 2×4 or if that is unavailable, a wet brick to the poor unfortunate sufferers temple area ( in a swift and timely manner )…….. and voila! instant cure! …. at least it will have effect when they are around you, other people will have to look for their own cures or use the one described above. โ“

  5. [Comment ID #85690 will be quoted here]

    May 13th, and counting… ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

  6. Bjorn Freeh

    On May 12, you need to convert Bob. Then he’ll spend a year with you in his ear. After his year is just about up, I recommend Da Popster’s solution.

  7. An idiot savant as a familiar? Boy, you gotta learn to roll 20-sided dice better.

  8. Bigwavdave

    Dave, why, I wonder, are such folks drawn to you? Is this an isolated case? Of course it may just be a case of being in such awe of you, that he becomes tongue-tied when in your presence – Much the same way as one might be when meeting say, Mandy, for the first time face to face.

  9. Shrubby

    This was my latest intelligent coversation with a 120 something in line at the grocery store. My only reason for being there was to buy an enormous bag of Purina dog food for my yellow lab Duke:
    Lady: Hello young man.
    Me: Hello (while holding an 80lb bag of dog food).
    Lady: So do you have a dog?
    Me: …more like a horse..hehe, thinking this is a joke.
    Lady: Oh, well I like horses.
    Me: Is someone driving you?!

  10. Bigwavdave

    Or, perhaps, it’s just way too much high-octane, over-priced coffee.

  11. [Comment ID #85697 will be quoted here]

    It’s partly my karma in this lifetime to be a freak magnet, and partly that I live in the city with the highest freak density in the US. :geek:

  12. Jim S

    Iyawo…you wear white an aweful lot.


  13. StevieC

    It’s not just where you live, Dave. I truly believe that the freak density is increasing worldwide and that the total available number of IQ points available is a finite number. Increase the number of people and there will be fewer points for each one.

  14. Mandy

    omgwtflolpanda! ๐Ÿ˜€

  15. junkman

    -william s. burroughs had the answer on dealing with these folks, who i consider mentally deficient, in his “words of advice for young people”.
    -Do not offer sympathy to the mentally ill. Tell them firmly, “I am not paid to listen to this drivel. You are a terminal fool.”
    -bob dylan used to repeat what morons (donovan)said back to them. seems to shut down the mind when it’s mirrored. just need to be prepared for the uncomfortable silence at the end. :geek:

  16. Atryd

    What a coinkadink. Just got this call. (his voice: Winnie the Pooh)

    :geek: Hello Amanda, how’s it going?
    ๐Ÿ™„ Hi Larry. It’s Ambar. I’m ok. You?
    :geek: Oh, sorry. Are you guys busy today?
    ๐Ÿ™„ Busy as always Larry. What can I do for you?
    :geek: I have some people here that need police escort to keep the peace. Should I send someone or can I?
    ๐Ÿ™„ Is it Mrs Velasquez?
    :geek: Let me see…(long pause)…(very long pause)
    ๐Ÿ™„ Top left hand side, Larry, underlined and highlighted.
    :geek: Oh, Yes it is. Thank you Amanda. You guys are so good at your job.
    ๐Ÿ™„ Thanks, Larry, it’s Ambar though. I just sent them over. What you’re holding is a court order to keep the peace. You have to send a deputy out with them.
    :geek: Oh. Ok…(pause) well who should I send?
    ๐Ÿ™„ Larry, is Gary there?
    :geek: I think so. Do you wanna talk to him?
    ๐Ÿ™„ No. Gary can let you know what to do.
    :geek: (hesitates) He’s in charge of that?
    ๐Ÿ™„ Larry,…he’s your boss…
    :gook: Oh, ok. Thank you so much Amanda. You have yourself a wonderful day. Tell the girls I said hello.
    ๐Ÿ™„ It’s Ambar. I’ll tell them, you be careful ok?

    Yesterday I was Brandy, today I am Amanda.
    I’ve been working here 4 years now and we daily receive this call or something similar.
    He’s a very nice old man but I worry about him. The oddest part is that I think he truly believes those are our names…until the next day.

  17. Atryd

    Ha Ha! My :geek: became a :gook: . Sorry guys. It might be contagious. ๐Ÿ˜›

  18. Shrubby

    You said “freak density” hahahaha

  19. Spud

    Does this bloke have a gun Ambar/Atryd/Brandy? :wtf:

  20. Atryd

    No, thank god. He’s part of the civil division. Handles paperwork mostly.

  21. Well, see, Mr. Zilla, take into account the white clothes thing and consider the psychological signals it sends. People associate white garments with professions, i.e. doctors, nurses, televangelists, chefs, with whom people tend to build up a trusting relationship.

    Have you considered leather or latex rubber in white? (snap!)

  22. Atryd

    [Comment ID #85700 will be quoted here]

    Dave, does that make US freaks? โ—
    (she asks with a child-like sincere look on her face including big puppy dog eyes and bats lashes)

  23. [Comment ID #85730 will be quoted here]

    Yes. And we are proud of it.

  24. Here is the Google translation from Japanese to Engrish. I hope it posts (the link is rather long).

    http://tinyurl.com/2wcac4 (Shortened it with tinyurl.com รขโ‚ฌโ€ Zilla)

    Odd game. I won’t be playing it with my family anytime soon. :wtf:

    David Letterman gets his share of strange people too. Sorry that was supposed to sound reassuring.

  25. [Comment ID #85730 will be quoted here]

    You’re the good kind of freak, Attryd. 8)

  26. Bjorn Freeh

    [Comment ID #85744 will be quoted here]

    Careful, Dave, she has dog-shaped eyes and, apparently, bat lashes…

  27. pablo

    Today the person I work with came back froma 2 hour lunch. When I became angry his only response was, “Why,what did I miss?”

    I’lltake your coffee house guy over this moron any day!

  28. Dave,

    It seems that some poor bloke can’t get over all the .. different .. people he finds at Starbucks. Today, a dude dressed in white. Yesterday a dude in Madonna drag. Tomorrow?

    Like, Bob didn’t have his camera and the name of his internet web site on him, did he?

  29. Quin

    Spud > “I have to say that is probably one of the longest winded explanation Iรขโ‚ฌโ„ขve read in awhile, but it was bloody good, I think I understand the game.”

    Yeah, I suppose it was more thorough than concise, especially since it’s doubtful anyone reading the comment would have the cards and actually try to play it.

    adognamedgromit > “Here is the Google translation from Japanese to Engrish.”

    I used Rikaichan to help me read it in situ, then got lazy after a while and used Altavista’s Babel Fish translator. The results were awkward, as are Google’s, but there’s something endearing about algorithmic Engrish. ๐Ÿ˜†

  30. Mandy

    [Comment ID #85752 will be quoted here]

    Tomorrow a dude in white Madonna drag! :wtf:

  31. Atryd

    [Comment ID #85744 will be quoted here]

    Aww, shucks. Thanks Dave! ๐Ÿ˜ณ You made me blush…

    [Comment ID #85746 will be quoted here]

    Yes I keep them in a jar or sometimes in boxes along with many other collectibles and bodyparts that I’m sure somebody somewhere is missing, like Paris Hilton’s brain.
    She did have one once…long ago. It came to my Odds and Ends Abuse/Neglect Shelter. I’ve thought of giving it back but it’s gotten attached to Michael Jackson’s nose. It adopted MJ’s nose after seeing sow much damage MJ had inflicted. They’re both doing so much better now. I can’t bear to separate them. ๐Ÿ˜›

  32. Flash Gordon

    Paris Hilton’s brain—Britney’s beaver. What’s the
    difference? :limp: ๐Ÿ™„ ๐Ÿ˜› ๐Ÿ˜• :wtf:

  33. MistressElizabeth

    Maybe you should wear a different color shirt.

  34. Either he’s truly an idiot or the cold weather has effected his brain. Even I was afflicted with this recently.

    Me: It’s cold.
    Friend: Yeah.
    Me: It’s really cold.
    Friend: Yeah, I know.
    Me: It’s fucking cold!
    Friend: I know, shut up already!

    Fortunately, once I was inside with a cup of hot chocolate and Baileys I was cured. ๐Ÿ˜€

Comments are closed