If Men Planned Weddings

1. Ms Puppet Launcher

   15 May, 2007, 10:42 am

   Just like my wedding! Er, uh. 😳

2. Bjorn Freeh

   15 May, 2007, 10:47 am

   11. Mother-in-law dunk tank
   12. Father-in-law shark tank

   BTW, Dave, I take issue with #6: No self-respecting guy would plan a wedding during a game.

3. sledge

   15 May, 2007, 10:55 am

   Shooters before the service .Topless massages for all during and after the wedding. Nude pictures of both mother-in-laws for dart board targets

4. Jason

   15 May, 2007, 11:34 am

   The toast would be replaced with a keg stand! Yippee!

5. Ronica

   15 May, 2007, 11:49 am

   If men planned weddings there wouldn’t be a need for florists; caterers or rehersal dinners – VEGAS here we come – prostitution is legal and there’s a strip club every few blocks 😈

6. Astryd

   15 May, 2007, 12:05 pm

   Wedding?! WTF do we need a wedding for?! You live with me right? Everyone knows you’re my Old-Lady! That’s just as good! Wedding… Ha! Women, I swear… Honey, Grab me a beer the game’s started!

7. Lung the Younger

   15 May, 2007, 12:21 pm

   I’d add a caveat to your title Dave.

   ‘If Heterosexual Men Planned Weddings..’

   Otherwise there’d be no difference whatsoever.

8. Avalon

   15 May, 2007, 1:21 pm

   Who’s the “good” Christian that thought that scam up

9. Brad K.

   15 May, 2007, 3:30 pm

   The wedding would be held at Lupin Naturist Club, Los Gatos, CA. Think of the money saved, with the bridal party nekkid. Nekkid volleyball and tennis for the reception would be lots cheaper than a DJ. And no one would worry about someone looking at their daughter’s naughty bits.

   There would be no ‘practice’ run-through. Either the marrying guy knows what he is doing or not — as long as the license gets signed and sent in, who cares?

   We would have to screen the wedding photographer. We want more smiles pix than .. ahem. Remember, no suits or clothes in the pools or hot tubs.

   The bride would be 6 months up the pole, or why worry about getting married? Combine the reception and baby shower. Save everyone time.

10. Drusky

    15 May, 2007, 4:53 pm

    [Comment ID #181846 will be quoted here]
    I don’t have a problem with #6. That’s why you get a stand-in…
    #13 Instead of a cake, Bride & Groom cut a multi-level pizza.
    #14 Wife comes with a 100% satisfaction guaranteed or double your money back warranty.
    #15 Honor Guard extends fishing rods for happy couple to walk under.
    #16 Bride spends more time & money on planning honeymoon than actual wedding.
    #17 Bride’s wedding dress has no train to get caught up in the rear wheel of the Harley when she’s “riding bitch”…

11. Spud

    15 May, 2007, 6:27 pm

    Well Dave, the time has come, that was the list that finally got me, I busted out laughing at number 1 and kept going till the end, brilliant, bravo, author!

    I also like Drusky’s “multi layered pizza” that shows class and a real blokey bloke perspective that takes years to get to that level of sophistication.

    Mr Lung’s caveat is also an important feature to consider, as Carson Kressley types would probably stuff it up.

    So, all in all, great job.

    Think along the lines of Bam Magera’s wedding, that’s also how you do it.

12. Bjorn Freeh

    15 May, 2007, 7:37 pm

    [Comment ID #181878 will be quoted here]

    #14a Buy the extended warranty and get a free loaner when the bride is in the shop.

    #15a Captain of the Honor Guard uses a 2-aught offshank Gamakatsu hook to lift the bridal veil.

    #16a …and meets you at the airport when you return.

13. Davezilla

    15 May, 2007, 8:09 pm

    [Comment ID #181859 will be quoted here]

    Point taken, Lung.

14. Davezilla

    15 May, 2007, 8:10 pm

    [Comment ID #181887 will be quoted here]

    [ bows ] I’m finally getting more time to write again.

15. pablo

    15 May, 2007, 8:23 pm

    Bachelor party lasts for 2 months
    The service is performed by Ozzy Osbourne at a sports bar.
    The Honeymoon consists of visiting every sports hall of fame, the Rock’n’Roll hall of fame, the Daytona 500 and Graceland.
    The reception is held at Hooters.
    All of the bridesmaids wear cheerleader’s outfits and the groomsmen wear t-shirts, sandals & flip flops.
    Open bar (her daddy is paying for it, right?)
    The dollar dance gets turned into the mosh for money
    Flowers are replaced by large buds and the centerpiece at every table is a bong.
    The best man is decided by a round robin contest of Mortal Combat
    Wedding gift registry at record store, video store, liquor store and gas stations.

16. pablo

    15 May, 2007, 8:48 pm

    Bachelor party lasts for 2 months

    The service is performed by Ozzy Osbourne at a sports bar.

    The Honeymoon consists of visiting every sports hall of fame, the Rock’n’Roll hall of fame, the Daytona 500 and Graceland.

    The reception is held at Hooters.

    All of the bridesmaids wear cheerleader’s outfits and the groomsmen wear t-shirts, sandals & flip flops.

    Open bar (her daddy is paying for it, right?)

    The dollar dance gets turned into the mosh for money

    Flowers are replaced by large buds and the centerpiece at every table is a bong.

    The best man is decided by a round robin contest of Mortal Combat

    Wedding gift registry at record store, video store, liquor store and gas stations.

17. Mandy

    15 May, 2007, 10:08 pm

    [Comment ID #181902 will be quoted here]

    Yay! Does this mean more anagrams? I miss those..

18. AnnieB

    15 May, 2007, 10:43 pm

    Hey, sounds like a great wedding to me! I bet I’d have a lot fonder memories of that than the huge, nerve wracking one I had. Better pictures too! lol

19. AlexBallew

    16 May, 2007, 6:59 am

    Welcome back Mandy!

    My wife and I picked out no music; had limited flowers;
    lots of guests; and a ceremony that only took 4 minutes. We will be celebrating our 24th anniversary on May 28.

20. Bigwavdave

    16 May, 2007, 8:20 am

    C’mon folks – This constant portrayl of men as insensitive, no-class slobs with limited interests is unfair at the least and, long term, damages our society’s ability foster healthy relationships between the sexes, something which is difficult at best. Now may I please have another shot of tequila sweetheart? And while your at it, show me your :boob: :boob:.

21. Bigwavdave

    16 May, 2007, 8:21 am

    Did I say that out loud?

22. StevieC

    16 May, 2007, 9:07 am

    Stripper pole on the dance floor! :wang:

23. patrick

    16 May, 2007, 9:33 am

    Screw the wedding, let’s elope. After we get back from Arkansas,how about holding the reception at Hooters?! :wang:

24. patrick

    16 May, 2007, 9:33 am

    Screw the wedding, let’s elope. After we get back from Arkansas,how about holding the reception at Hooters?! :wang:

25. Joe-the-ragman

    16 May, 2007, 10:37 am

    Whutz so funnie? Ever dam one of em z good ider cept nuber 10!!!! ❗

26. harley quinn

    16 May, 2007, 10:50 am

    Why have a wedding at all? Just have a jp come to the living room and marry you while you’re in the recliners and the reception party is is grillin up hamburgers and hot dos out on the grill while tapping a keg… now THAT sounds like a good time to me!! 😈

27. chainstay

    16 May, 2007, 11:51 am

    Moterhead! I have not thought of them in years. Are they still around? I need to see if I can find some Moterhead at my local music store. On a sad note; I was talking to some of the students at my college. I mentioned the band Black Sabbath, blank looks. “Ozzy Osbourne?” I said. “Was he the dude that did that reality show?” “Oh crap, just go get me my walker and oxygen tank, it must be time for my nap and change my depends.”

28. armymn205

    16 May, 2007, 3:01 pm

    [Comment ID #181948 will be quoted here]

    dont worry ur not that old yet i’m 20 and love Ozzi.

    on another note this topic is kind of a coincidence b/c i’m thinking bout getting married

29. pablo

    16 May, 2007, 5:23 pm

    If at first you don’t suceed, try again. If that don’t work call tech support. Here I go again.

    Bachelor party lasts for 2 months
    The service is performed by Ozzy Osbourne at a sports bar.
    The Honeymoon consists of visiting every sports hall of fame, the Rock’n’Roll hall of fame, the Daytona 500 and Graceland.
    The reception is held at Hooters.
    All of the bridesmaids wear cheerleader’s outfits and the groomsmen wear t-shirts, sandals & flip flops.
    Open bar (her daddy is paying for it, right?)
    The dollar dance gets turned into the mosh for money
    Flowers are replaced by large buds and the centerpiece at every table is a bong.
    The best man is decided by a round robin contest of Mortal Combat
    Wedding gift registry at record store, video store, liquor store and gas stations.

30. Spud

    16 May, 2007, 6:10 pm

    You’re hired, I’m calling you next time I get married Pablo.

    What was the winner? the gas station bit, now that’s some practical wedding gift, that’ll do me billy bob.

31. Bigwavdave

    16 May, 2007, 6:10 pm

    Pablo – Sandals & Flip Flops? No shorts? :wtf:
    Try hitting the bong after you post dude 😀

32. pablo

    16 May, 2007, 6:39 pm

    Sorry folks.My responses have been in the que for 2 days and they all hit at the same time.

33. Bigwavdave

    16 May, 2007, 9:41 pm

    [Comment ID #181994 will be quoted here]

    Yeah, whatever… 🙄

    Wait a minute…Are you British or Canadian?

34. StevieC

    16 May, 2007, 10:25 pm

    [Comment ID #182008 will be quoted here]

    Must be British, we just have lines up here. The only que’s around have an “er” on the end.

35. AnnieB

    17 May, 2007, 7:10 am

    [Comment ID #182019 will be quoted here]

    Good one! hahahahaha

    I’m sure he meant queue but I guess Pablo no speak English either!

36. mick

    17 May, 2007, 9:49 am

    man planning wedding???…That’s starting with a false premise isn’t it???

37. brad s.

    18 May, 2007, 3:46 am

    landmines on the dance floor

38. Jim

    19 May, 2007, 5:00 pm

    The Mother-In-Law dance would last about 10 seconds, if it doesn’t get totally deleted. Ten seconds is just long enough for formality, but not long enough for the wind-bag to start wagging her chin and lecturing the poor bloke.

    No, this isn’t autobiographical…

39. Meagan

    19 May, 2007, 7:04 pm

    The vows would be “I promise to yadda, yadda, yadda… I do. Let’s go have sex.”
    Instead of tossing a bouquet, the single women would toss back shot drinks to see who gets drunk first (sort of a win-win thing).
    Instead of just removing the bride’s garter, the groom would remove her thong, bra… oh what the hell, everything! 😈

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