Hold the gravy

I went to the cinema on Saturday and were perplexed by some of the foods sold in the Toronto concessions of late. Burger King? Taco Bell? Pizza? A bit messy in a theatre seat, don’t you think?

Here are some other foods I hope will never be sold at the movies:

  1. Rice Krispies
  2. Floating Sushi Bar
  3. Whole Main Lobster
  4. Flaming Cheese (Opa!)
  5. Spaghetti and Meatballs
  6. Durian
  7. Noodle Soup
  8. Side of Beef
  9. Beer Bong
  10. Open Salad Bar
  11. Raw Oysters
  12. Absinthe
  13. Spicy Buffalo Wings
  14. Fondue
  15. Dim Sum
  16. Sloppy Joes
  17. Watermelon
  18. 20lb. Turkey Dinner with all the fixin’s
  19. Anything with Gravy
  20. Peas


  1. sorry, Dave and natalie
    Older generation of Taiwanese movie theaters do serve beef, wings and dim sum. As matter in fact there is planty of chinese treats that will gross out most westerners. Well I like them.

  2. Kirk

    Rocky Mountain Oysters; Cow Tounge; Monkey Brains; and My Mother’s Cooking!

  3. Many Of they movies I have watched lately would have benefitted from a few glasses of absinthe before I had to endure them.

  4. Lace Valentine

    I’ll skip on the steaming piles of Sauerkraut/chitlins/monkey eyeballs/and yams.

    The no yams rule is now in effect.

  5. Lace Valentine

    I do think bowls of chili with cheese bits on top would be a unique theatre treat, but 2/3rds of America would slurp and bang their spoons on the bowls. Damn uncouth vermin!

  6. Could be worse. You could be thinking it’s the Bee’s Knees.

  7. Spud

    You forgot choc-top icecreams and jaffas.

    Choc-tops used to melt quicker than people could eat them leading to icecream everywhere.

    jaffas used to either be rolled down between the seats and aisles or generally used as missles to be liberaly chucked all over the picture theatre and at each other.



  8. Esther

    What the heck is Durian? (/too lazy to look it up)

    Btw, Dave, the theaters I went to in Cali pretty much served everything except Grandma and the kitchen sink. Nothing like seeing a movie where all the attendees are hopped up on espresso and Milk Duds.

  9. Esther

    Would that be SFW, frisko? Can’t risk any freaky links here at the salt mines.:kiss:

  10. JFLY

    Jello molds
    Spam (except at Python movies)

  11. Durian is a very stinky fruit, Esther. It’s reputed to smell like a cross between blue cheese and old sweat socks. Delish!

  12. Esther

    Mmm, mmm! Sounds nummy, Dave!

    Just checked out the link, as well, and just have to ask, Why, God, why?

  13. what?

    NO CONEY FRIES? Oh, of course you’re talking about Tronna — not Hamilton.

  14. Keith

    You left out Natto.

    :boobs::boobs: I love these icons. Boobies!

  15. Esther

    Hopefully, Natto isn’t the same as Yatta!. I’d hate to have those guys in theater while I was trying to watch the latest Oscar-losing blockbuster.

  16. Mandy

    Is Natto like NATO? ๐Ÿ˜›

  17. Spud


    The Ultimate Health Food: Natto

    Let’s eat Natto once a day!

    Let’s make Natto once a month!


  18. Esther

    Oh, that stuff! I saw some bit on Spring of Trivia (the strangest game show ever imported from Japan, shown on SpikeTV), where they took a bowl of natto, and scooped some of it up w/chopsticks. They then proceeded to stretch the gooey stuff that sticks it together to see how long it would take before the string broke. Eww.

    Natto is not neato.:neutral::sad:

  19. wantwit

    for those of you who have never experienced durian first hand at a packed outdoor cafe in singapore where everybody is eating and drinking it after a big cheap greasy meal of satay. it’s AWFUL.

  20. Steak: handling a knife and fork in the dark would be interesting.

  21. Spud

    Well if we’re going to ban steaks in the theatre, perhaps those smoky BBq’s should be banned as well.


  22. Mandy

    I’d like to ban wrappers. No matter where I sit, someone always tears open a noisy wrapper right during the tense moments. ๐Ÿ˜•

  23. Esther

    Mandy, I didn’t realize that you and I went to the same theater. Next time you see those old guys who talked through most of ROTK, please beat them with their cane, and tell ’em I said ‘Hi’.:smile:

  24. Mandy

    You know it, sister. :kiss:

    Was it the same nutsack that kept passing gas during Fellowship of the Ring? The entire aisle was choking. ๐Ÿ˜

  25. Why limit ourselves to just noise? You can be offended through so many senses in a cinema.

    How about a guy with an afro hairdo and big elbows, eating Roquefort cheese on crackers while kicking the seat in front of him?

  26. I’ve had Durians. Some say they smell like open sewers but I disagree, I thought the smell far more like rotting fruit. My end conclusion on the taste was “Onion Custard.” I could, with perserverance, grow to like them….

  27. Eric

    Actually, many on your list sound like great theatre fare…especially absinthe.

    The only reason to go to Canada is so you can get gravy anywhere you go! It’s the land of gravy…

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