Category: Observations

Remember when your parents gave you wholly unscientific superstitions and warnings, such as “Don’t swallow gum; it will stay in your stomach for seven years!” or, “If you make a face like that, it will stick that way forever.” Nikki and I were discussing those this afternoon when I had the idea to write up…

Last night’s flight home was not uneventful. We were still in the air—nearly a half hour late—when the pilot said, “I’m sure you may have noticed that we’ve just been flying around in circles. We can’t land due to strong thunderstorms over Detroit, but we’ll need to or we’ll run out of fuel soon.” Not…

Seriously. We checked. Barfz, as in, “He barfz a lot”. Uepoxy, as in, “Can uepoxy this together?” Uquité, which Natalie insists is a Spanish word yet to be invented. Taintzo, as in, “Say it t’aintzo.” Z-Slap, 3 bitch-slaps in a Zorro pattern Rootzen, Natalie insists this is German. Apparently my German dictionary is out of…

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While I’m a bit of a multi-tasker myself, I find that many combinations are simply not suitable together. For example: Putting in contact lenses while bull-fighting Bikini waxing while practicing the luge Ransacking a city while baby-sitting Performing testicular surgery while driving in NASCAR Committing hari kiri while toasting the bride and groom Raking leaves…

Coca Cola: Intended as a soft drink, but does a great job cleaning whitewall tires. Do not use Coca Cola as birth control. Seriously. Mentos: Sold as a breath mint, but we all know Mentos are meant for rocketry experiments. Toothpaste: Intended for teeth, but does a great job polishing silverware and filling nail holes…

The Plague of Slinkys The Plague of Double-Sided Tape (quickly followed by…) A Rain of Lint A Flood of Nail Clippings Each first-born son will have a third nipple The Plague of BeDazzlers A Flood of Grape Jelly A Plague of Chalkboard Screeching A Stampede of Rodeo Mimes What plagues would you envision? viagra free…