Category: Observations

  • Can’t win.

    I got all excited because tomorrow night, Daylight Saving Time ends. Then my wife reminded me that our baby won’t likely adhere to that and we’ll still be up at the crack of dawn. Damn.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Instagram makes my house look haunted

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • What the what?

    I’m not sure what jungle Katy Perry’s “Roar” video was shot in, but it seems to have South African Elephants, Egyptian Baboons, Central American Capuchin Monkeys and Indian Bengal Tigers.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Stop it Bennie. I can’t breathe.

    Some days my pug’s gas is both lethal and plentiful. If I don’t finish this post, you’ll kn

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Fuck the duck

    Is it just me, or does anyone else wish that stupid Aflac duck died from his injuries? I hate those commercials!

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Pet Translation

    I just realized that telling my dogs and cats, “I’m going out; be good” is translated in their minds as, “I’ll be gone long enough for you to hide the evidence of whatever you’re planning on destroying.”

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • What Kind of Music Do I Like?

    Over the years, I’ve realized that my musical taste boils down to one element that’s proven remarkably accurate: If the singer or musician’s name is “Kenny”, there is a 99% chance I won’t like it.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • The Best Children’s Song Ever. By Me.

    I have absolutely no memory of any children’s song lyrics. I don’t think I ever knew (or cared) what they were when I was a child and now that I am a father, I am resorting to making up lyrics to sing to my girl. I hope I don’t screw her up too badly with…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Is gravity increasing? Or is the photographer shrinking?

    Seems to happen every time women cram together for a photo.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • More People We Can Safely Dislike, #25

    Jodi Arias supporters Twilight fans. Fuck all of you. Vampires don’t sparkle. People who change their profile photo to reflect the latest meme, social cause or trend with no clue why other than their friends are all doing it, too. [DISCLAIMER: This one is probably only a Michigan thing] Drivers who get into the Michigan…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Sleep deprivation

    LIZZ: “That’s it, honey.” [SITTING UP, ROCKING IN BED] ME: “What are you doing?” LIZZ: “I just… I have to stay awake and…to make sure the baby doesn’t fall asleep on me.” ME: “What? I didn’t even hear you get out of bed.” LIZZ “Oh. My. God. I am losing my mind.” ME: “What?!?” LIZZ:…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • What I Learned from Prescription Drug Ads

    Single folk don’t take prescription drugs. Only straight, married couples do. The people who take prescription drugs own Golden Retrievers. They wear matching sweaters tied around their necks and take long walks down the beach. They have unlimited resources for traveling to exotic locales. Only white and black people take prescription drugs. Asians, Hispanics, Pacific…

    Written by

    Davezilla