The Best Children’s Song Ever. By Me.

I have absolutely no memory of any children’s song lyrics. I don’t think I ever knew (or cared) what they were when I was a child and now that I am a father, I am resorting to making up lyrics to sing to my girl. I hope I don’t screw her up too badly with my version of Hush, Little Baby:

Hush little baby, don’t smack a nerd,
Papa’s gonna buy you an odd-shaped bird.

If that odd-shaped bird don’t sing,
Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring (I remembered this part!)

If that diamond ring don’t shine,
Papa’s gonna buy you a porcupine.

If that porcupine don’t swim,
Papa’s gonna buy you a cat named Jim.

If that cat named Jim don’t fly,
Papa’s gonna buy you a marble pie.

If that marble pie don’t speak,
Papa’s gonna buy you a homeless freak… etc.

Feel free to add new lyrics for this song so it never ends.


  1. Your daughter will probably grow up to be the only person in the world who can read Finnegan’s Wake without getting a splitting headache.

  2. That would make me so proud! I admit I could not finish that book.

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