Category: Freaks

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 1: The Earth Mother

The Earth Mother is probably the most common of artists’ models. A vast expanse of doughy flesh topped with a mop of unshorn hair, she is happiest walking aboutau naturale in the presence of young men. The Earth Mother feels it is her duty on earth to inform budding artists of the benefits of an all-tofu diet, something she is clearly not adhering to, given her ponderous girth.

Quotes:

1. “Maybe the men in the class would be more comfortable with my body if they explored it physically. Y’know, just to get a feel for the curves and textures.”
2. “I made a tofu-loaf, if anyone is hungry.”
3. “I’m saving my menstrual blood in a jar. Someday I may need it.”
4. “I have seven lovers right now, all between the ages of 17 and 24. I’m trying to make them explore their feminine side, but they keep refusing to wear the mumus I made for them.”
5. My youngest son and I often bathe together. He’s graduating medical school next month.”