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  1. Watermelon Man was distraught that he had cut the holes in the wrong place. No shakuhachi for him!

  2. Now Jimmy, this new “Watermelon Therapy” is relatively new so we don’t know if it will hurt or not. As long as you don’t inhale any seeds, you should be fine.

  3. Spud

    Melon Man … he’s everywhere he’s everywhere…

  4. “The Man in the Watermelon Mask”, starring Leoretardo Decrappio.

  5. “Damn, Freddy! I told you to stop hiding my mask.”

  6. Quick hand me the machete NOW!
    Murder alibis like this don’t happen very often.

  7. Ned Kelly’s younger brother Jeff was not as well known, nor quite as successful at bank robbery.

  8. mikeB

    “I coulda been a V8!”

  9. Anna

    One of the few remaining prototypes for Darth Vader’s mask

  10. Merry

    “Pippin! The watermelon talked to me!”
    “It’s not a watermelon. It’s a melon herder.” :wtf:

  11. mikeB

    “Come back here! Green knights never lose!”

  12. cliche

    dumbass of the opera

  13. Sel

    Can anyone else smell watermelon?

  14. Robusto

    alright, mom, there’s no more seeds!

  15. This guy showed up with his girlfriend for Empire Day celebrations in Guelph. She had a couple of real nice watermelons on her and he was packing the liquor cabinet. He started making Southern Comfort coolers out of a couple of plastic jugs, big ones too, with crushed ice. Then he takes off his shirt to soak up some sun on his pathetic pallor blinding half the attendees. He finally got into his girlfriend’s watermelons, wolfing it down, seeds and all. He was flying. He was on his second bottle of Comfort when he got it into his head it would be good to act as his hero, “Tony the Stark” also known as “Ironman” — he said it was from DC and I said, “No way, son, that’s Marvel Universe. The REAL world in a comic book. EXCELSIOR!”
    Right after the photo was taken, someone punched him in the face. He later puked all over the awards table.

  16. Mandy

    Yes! lol @ rust

  17. That is one pale fellow. He is awfully green in the face. Someone get this man a doctor!

  18. DK

    You should see what he did with the two cantalopes…

  19. Hey… aren’t you in the Tijuana Bibles?

  20. Dave too

    AURORA, IL — Burn victim Del Johnson relieves the pain with a cool watermelon facial as temperatures soared into the upper 80s on Saturday. Mr. Johnson, a former Army supply truck driver now home from Iraq, actually likes to eat the melon before putting the rind on his face according to friend and neighbor James Hinkl. “It was my idea to put the eye-holes in”, said Hinkl.

  21. Dave called the doctor for his diagnosis. Yes, it was true, he had skin cancer. That’s right folks, he suffers from MELONOMA.

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