A theory

Look at several pictures of spontaneous human combustion and you’ll notice one unifying thread: the feet never burn up.

Spontaneous human combustion

Watch any group of fire walkers and you’ll notice that again, the feet do not burn up

Fire walking

I think you know where I’m going with this. Feet are fireproof.

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Show 19 Comments


  1. Esther

    That’s good to know! Too bad they’re not stink-proof, though.:dead:

  2. I wonder if it’s the skin or some combination the skin, muscle and foot odor…

    They should start making fireman’s jackets out of foot skin… I can see “Tissue, organ, and foot donor” on drivers licenses 😀

  3. I wish my feet were heat-proof. I was washing my car today and had nothing on my feet. Of course I was on asphalt, so my feet were very hot.

    They are pretty tender now, but no, they did not burn up. 😛

  4. Does this mean that if I can’t find a potholder, I should take things out of the oven using my prehensile toes?

  5. You’re right. I’ve been trying for a couple hours now, and my feet just won’t ignite.

    Maybe kerosene…

  6. Spud

    Throw petrol on the rocks and see if their feet don’t burn…


  7. Anna

    ~sigh~ the only thing I remember (of all that is mentioned above) is that James lives in a nice and warm place, while I live in a rainy, slushy, cold place ~sigh~

  8. Steppenwolf

    I dropped a tray of baked chicken on my foot once. No flames but these little piggies cried, Wee, wee, wee, all the way to the pharmacy. ❗

  9. Mmmm. Now that you mention it Natalie, I’ve never seen ‘Oven Socks’ advertised. You could be right, although opposing toes might be necessary for some of the shallower oven dishes.

    As for the photos above – I believe they’re a few of Jim Carey’s unfortunate stunt doubles from some of his more challenging fart-lighting scenes.

  10. Lace Valentine

    I don’t think Steve Martin would call those “happy feet.” 😎

  11. An here I thought spontaneous combustion always resulted in a pair of shoes with a wiff of smoke coming out of them. Of course it might be that spontaneous combustion behaves differently if the combustee is barefoot.

  12. Kirk

    Once again Dr. Scholl’s foot powder is at work! It stops the burning! Or maybe they are just “gellin'” (reference to some other stupid commercial).:razz:

  13. JFLY

    Thanks Dave – now the song “Footloose” is stuck in my head…:wtf:

  14. mikeB

    I prefer the Gold Bond medicated powder for all my burning foot and groin needs. 😳

  15. JFLY

    Burning groins…:wang:

  16. Didn’t Spinal Tap lose a member due to spontaneous combustion? :wtf:

  17. Feet are fire proof IF you don’t wash them too many times and remove the flame retardant material they’re covered with.

  18. In a related story, the fire fighters of Houston, TX have ditched their Nomex suits in favor of ones constructed from the feet of medical cadavers. The only complaint so far is the apparently high number of hangnails.

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