The Vatican will inform us of their decision to elect a new Pope using a time-honored method: Cryptic smoke signals.

Choosing the new pope

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35 thoughts on “Choosing the new Pope

  1. The spanish cardinal… Cardinal Sicola. Once he is elected, he will make much advertising revenue for the church, as he will become Pope Sicola!
    (sound it out if it doesn’t make sense)

  2. ooops, I forgot to vote…dang nabbed paper ballots and chalice thingy….”I call as my witness, Chris the Horde who wil be my judge, that my vote is given to the one who, before (insert your choice of supreme being here), I think should be elected……I elect as supreme powerpoint…Davezilla!” :wang: :wang: :wang: (the official seal):wang::wang::wang:

  3. I nominate Cardinal Joseph Bernadine of Chicago.

    Okay…so he’s dead. But then again, he wouldn’t get the Catholics into any child molestation problems. And besides, he was a very nice man. Very nice. Just ask my Nana Jean. Uh…then again, don’t. She’s dead too.


  4. Don’t care, as long as she’s pro gays, aids prevention and birthcontrol. Also she must be tough [read: shoot them] on childmolesting priests.
    She may wear a papal pair of paints if she so wishes (al those old geezers in dresses … bbrrr :limp:)

  5. Hell, why not let Wolfowitz have that job too!

    “Ah-woo! The Wolfowitz of Romans…”

  6. Why, isn’t it obvious who the next Pope should be? Davezilla, of course!

    We could call him “Popezilla.”

    As a graphic artist, he could design his own rock-star-style “Popezilla World Tour” T-shirt and raise millions of dollars for the needy.

    He could pimp out the Popemobile.

    When he moves to Europe, imagine all the new species not indigenous to North America that could be added to the Freak Watchers Textbook!

    His Manly Tips for Bachelor Living would make a great guide for all the priests who aren’t allowed to marry.

    He could develop a website that automatically absolves sin online, thereby increasing the efficiency of the confessional by 50%! (Maybe by more if we could get all the porn sites to offer a link to this site. Just think: getting naughty with one’s self then immediately being forgiven. That greatly decreases the chance of getting killed and being sent to hell between the two acts for millions of Internet users.)

    Davezilla for Pope in 2005!

  7. Oh, yeah. I forgot.

    Davezilla could also realize the “Catholicism Wow!” campaign and make the Buddy Christ the new symbol of the Catholic Church. (With Kevin Smith’s permission, of course.)

    (Thanks for jogging my memory, Andy M.)

  8. TheFaramir makes a strong argument.

    However, I tender the following nomination for Pope…

    Alfred E. Neuman

    The reasons are obvious,

    He’s young
    He’s good looking
    He’s available
    He’s your man


  9. I hate to say it, but isn’t it obvious? No matter what the Cardinals vote, GEORGE DUBYA BUSH-BABY will steal the election …

  10. I know who it is, but I think Eddie Izzard should have been the next Pope. We’ll just overlook the fact that he’s Anglican. High Anglicans are almost the same thing as Catholics anyway.

    Cake, or death?

  11. 😈 we shall have elected a new pope that will decry the idolatry that is the worship of the prophet jesus. :wang: The new pope will proceed to rape another priest to symbolize his support for the homosexual marriage :wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang:

  12. Looks like the prize goes to the college of cardinals …who in their wisdom have elected a ultra conservative former Nazi as Pope! Woot-woot! Now we ALL can burn in hell!

  13. I think Winnie should be the new Pope because it would be fun to say Winnie The Pope.

    And you forgot a smoke signal. A succession of short brown smoke signals means the Cardinals are taking turns farting into the pipe.

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