Choosing the new Pope

The Vatican will inform us of their decision to elect a new Pope using a time-honored method: Cryptic smoke signals.

Choosing the new pope

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Join the conversation

comment 35 comments
  • Matt

    Elton John!
    Terri Schaivo!

    or if you’re into child molestation, Michael Jackson 😳

  • millie

    The spanish cardinal… Cardinal Sicola. Once he is elected, he will make much advertising revenue for the church, as he will become Pope Sicola!
    (sound it out if it doesn’t make sense)

  • Kirk

    Excellent Millie! :wang:

  • Kirk

    ooops, I forgot to vote…dang nabbed paper ballots and chalice thingy….”I call as my witness, Chris the Horde who wil be my judge, that my vote is given to the one who, before (insert your choice of supreme being here), I think should be elected……I elect as supreme powerpoint…Davezilla!” :wang: :wang: :wang: (the official seal):wang::wang::wang:

  • notsnot

    Rev Jellybaby. (for some reason, having a “jellybaby” as a world leader of sorts reminds me of Ronald Reagan.)

  • Spud

    Yeah, I’ll second the Rev as a candidatecardinale…

  • Elkit

    I’m voting for Joe Bob Briggs. I think the world is ready for Pope Joe Bob.

  • TinaMarie

    I nominate Cardinal Joseph Bernadine of Chicago.

    Okay…so he’s dead. But then again, he wouldn’t get the Catholics into any child molestation problems. And besides, he was a very nice man. Very nice. Just ask my Nana Jean. Uh…then again, don’t. She’s dead too.

    Nevermind.

  • Lung the Younger

    I have no idea why, but for some reason Alan Greenspan keeps coming into my head when I think of a possible new pope.

  • Anna

    Don’t care, as long as she’s pro gays, aids prevention and birthcontrol. Also she must be tough [read: shoot them] on childmolesting priests.
    She may wear a papal pair of paints if she so wishes (al those old geezers in dresses … bbrrr :limp:)

  • Lace Valentine

    Hell, why not let Wolfowitz have that job too!

    “Ah-woo! The Wolfowitz of Romans…”

  • Lace Valentine

    Enjoyed the Cartoon, Dave.

    Great job.

  • Fellow Eskimo

    Jon Stewart! Cant you just see him holding out his papal ring and asking other men to kiss it?!

  • TheFaramir

    Why, isn’t it obvious who the next Pope should be? Davezilla, of course!

    We could call him “Popezilla.”

    As a graphic artist, he could design his own rock-star-style “Popezilla World Tour” T-shirt and raise millions of dollars for the needy.

    He could pimp out the Popemobile.

    When he moves to Europe, imagine all the new species not indigenous to North America that could be added to the Freak Watchers Textbook!

    His Manly Tips for Bachelor Living would make a great guide for all the priests who aren’t allowed to marry.

    He could develop a website that automatically absolves sin online, thereby increasing the efficiency of the confessional by 50%! (Maybe by more if we could get all the porn sites to offer a link to this site. Just think: getting naughty with one’s self then immediately being forgiven. That greatly decreases the chance of getting killed and being sent to hell between the two acts for millions of Internet users.)

    Davezilla for Pope in 2005!

  • TheFaramir

    Oh, yeah. I forgot.

    Davezilla could also realize the “Catholicism Wow!” campaign and make the Buddy Christ the new symbol of the Catholic Church. (With Kevin Smith’s permission, of course.)

    (Thanks for jogging my memory, Andy M.)

  • frisko

    I vote for George Carlin as Pope. There would be much reform in Europe.

  • Spud

    TheFaramir makes a strong argument.

    However, I tender the following nomination for Pope…

    Alfred E. Neuman

    The reasons are obvious,

    He’s young
    He’s good looking
    He’s available
    He’s your man

    😀

  • woozy

    either
    a. “Ron Mexico” or,
    b. Rae Carruth

  • Merth

    I am really starting to like soccer. Thank you mikeB!

  • rust

    I hate to say it, but isn’t it obvious? No matter what the Cardinals vote, GEORGE DUBYA BUSH-BABY will steal the election …

  • jen

    white smoke… waiting for the grand unvieling. I’m guessing the African guy.

  • JFLY

    My answer is Jesus Christ – he’s perfect for the job.

  • Natalie

    I know who it is, but I think Eddie Izzard should have been the next Pope. We’ll just overlook the fact that he’s Anglican. High Anglicans are almost the same thing as Catholics anyway.

    Cake, or death?

  • Quality26

    Bill Clinton

  • Lord Satan

    😈 we shall have elected a new pope that will decry the idolatry that is the worship of the prophet jesus. :wang: The new pope will proceed to rape another priest to symbolize his support for the homosexual marriage :wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang::wang:

  • Mandy

    Millie! :mrgreen:

  • Kirk

    Looks like the prize goes to the college of cardinals …who in their wisdom have elected a ultra conservative former Nazi as Pope! Woot-woot! Now we ALL can burn in hell!

  • Andy M

    I’d back Nathalie on Eddie Izzard. He could save the vatican a fortune and bring his own frock.

  • RoscoeP

    I think Winnie should be the new Pope because it would be fun to say Winnie The Pope.

    And you forgot a smoke signal. A succession of short brown smoke signals means the Cardinals are taking turns farting into the pipe.

  • Kelley Bell

    For Pope?

    How about the chick from “Misery”

    you remember her…

    “Im your number one fan…”

    Creepy. (Shiver)

  • wantwit

    i didn’t enter the contest because i just wanted the 40 dollars.

  • Esther

    Cake.:kiss:

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