Things to avoid saying on a first date

1. Kenn

   06 January, 2006, 12:43 am

   I sure hope nobody sees us. I wouldn’t want my wife to find out.

2. Anna

   06 January, 2006, 3:20 am

   Why won’t you wear this latex outfit, the spiked collar and the leash?

3. Spud

   06 January, 2006, 3:44 am

   Do you think my bum is too hairy?

   Could you hold my dentures for a sec, thanks, ta.

   I just have to stop in and see my parole officer for a moment…

   :geek:

4. Kami

   06 January, 2006, 6:34 am

   My sinuses are messed up, could you smell this for me?
   In my day, twist and shout meant something else. 😈
   Do you wax?
   Spit or swallow?

5. mitch

   06 January, 2006, 6:38 am

   At some point during the evening I hope to score, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

6. Sam

   06 January, 2006, 6:38 am

   I have to back at the home by 10:00 😕

7. Craig

   06 January, 2006, 7:08 am

   ” I have seperation issues, i hope you don’t mind if my mother tags along!” :wtf:

8. Patrick

   06 January, 2006, 7:47 am

   (While driving) “Hold my beer. I saw this done on a movie one time. Watch this, I’m gonna try something”. :wtf:

9. Russell

   06 January, 2006, 7:59 am

   So uh are those :boob: :boob: real

10. MandyLocke

    06 January, 2006, 8:15 am

    That looks like a :wang:. Only much much smaller. 😐

11. Tami Jo

    06 January, 2006, 8:15 am

    “I believe humans are slaves to aliens put on earth to harvest gold.”

    Yah, that one really happened. I can’t make up stuff that good.

12. bo

    06 January, 2006, 8:23 am

    what do i do for a living now that Im out of the porn industry?

13. cbatdux

    06 January, 2006, 8:27 am

    Father Bill said this alter boy reunion party would be a religious experience for him. We should have a blast!

14. BHamm

    06 January, 2006, 8:36 am

    – Have you said hello to my hairpiece yet? SAY HELLO TO MY HAIRPIECE!!!!!

    – So, do you think after we’re married you’ll be able to support my crack addiction?

    – I love dogs. Especially in salads.

    – (Looking at watch) Darn, they’ve already shaved the goat, but if we hurry, we can still attend the ritual.

    – (When picking her up) Ha Ha! I know where you live now!

    – Take a look at this rash and tell me what you think.

    – So… ever been in a drug-induced coma for more than a month? Oh, there’s nothing like it!

    – You realize that if I have to pay for dinner, you have to put out, right?

15. Coley

    06 January, 2006, 9:00 am

    – I’m really looking forward to tonight, usually I have to pay $50 for a blowjob.

    – Wanna F@#k, and get it over with now? (that really happened, first words out of his mouth)

    – Any sentence that starts with, “Once we get married…” or “Once we move in together…”

    – I can’t wait for you to meet the other wives, I think they’ll really like you.

16. Merth

    06 January, 2006, 9:20 am

    My ex will be sitting at the table next to us. Be sure to tell keep complimenting how good I look loud enough for her to hear. Oh, and you should put your hair up. She always wears her up. It looks awesome that way.

    :dead:

17. Esther

    06 January, 2006, 9:40 am

    Is it ok if you drive? I don’t trust my car to not stall on the way.

18. Hank

    06 January, 2006, 9:54 am

    So if I pay can I go home early? 😕

19. Minnie

    06 January, 2006, 10:20 am

    “So this one time, I walked into a store and found the wedding dress of my dreams and I bought it right away. Shall I model it for you?”

20. hippychick

    06 January, 2006, 10:23 am

    – do these pants make me look phat?
    – how long until your husband is due back from work?
    – this gal right cheer is my sister..err uhh…no my cousin…no uhh my wife? OH hell, I can’t remember but I just know you’ll get along right fine!
    – You can move in with my mom and me and share our bed together as one big happy family.
    – Do you like fava beans and cianti with your liver too?
    – You’re pretty and all but my dream girl in life is a midget with a flat head and no front teeth. NEXT!

21. Craig

    06 January, 2006, 12:00 pm

    Uh, I guess a Bl__ J_b is out of the question?

22. Nina

    06 January, 2006, 12:22 pm

    “Have you ever thought about a :boob: job?”

    “Have you ever thought about a :wang: pump?”

23. Bobby

    06 January, 2006, 12:30 pm

    My mom says I have to be home by 8:30…I know I’m 34, but it’s her house… :wtf:

24. rust

    06 January, 2006, 12:53 pm

    Can you wait a couple of minutes while I drop by the pharmacy? I’m all out of condoms…

    I just thought you should know that I have a slight — FUCK YOU! — problem with my Tourette — UP YOUR ASS! — Syndrome.

    My mom wants to know if you know of any good places to pick up guys…

    I want you to know that I’m not a homosexual. I just like wearing a bra and panties on dates.

25. jeffro

    06 January, 2006, 1:44 pm

    ” Man! My balls itch something terrible.”

    “pull my finger.”

    “How you doin’ ” in your best joey voice.

26. nicnic

    06 January, 2006, 1:51 pm

    “How long have you been on your job” …….. “That’s good, well how do you feel about co-signing”

    “So how long is your :wang:. In inches I mean?”……..”What!!!”

27. cbatdux

    06 January, 2006, 2:48 pm

    yew gotta a purty mouth boy!

28. Howie

    06 January, 2006, 2:48 pm

    You have a nice mouth

29. Howie

    06 January, 2006, 2:49 pm

    Apparently, great minds think alike.

30. Dawn

    06 January, 2006, 3:39 pm

    “Nice shoes…wanna F@#$?” 🙄

31. terri

    06 January, 2006, 3:44 pm

    man my back hurts, my brother kicked me out of his bed so i was stuck on the coutch.

32. family jules

    06 January, 2006, 4:10 pm

    “Do you mind if we go by the pool hall? I just gotta show the guys that I finally got a real girl on a date!”

    Also, sadly, true.

33. Esther

    06 January, 2006, 5:18 pm

    Did you go, Jules?

34. starheler

    06 January, 2006, 5:43 pm

    hold on i need to call my mother she gets wored if i’m late ( true story)
    duck my polrole offecer might see you (same date)
    hey are we goting to f-ck or did i just wast an evening (end of date) :puke:

35. Lace Valentine

    06 January, 2006, 6:30 pm

    “Is it ok if we eat off of each other’s plate?”

    “Something in this car really smells like poontang.”

    “The last date I had, Jimmy Carter was in office.”

    “I’ve gotta dildo in the glove compartment.”

    “Actually, Gacey was a sweet clown.”

    “I like to give tongue on the first date.”

    “I already have an internet shrine page devouted to you. It’s called, WHY I LOVE SANDY!!1!”

    “If I clipped my toes nails, would you be cool with that?”

    ❓ ❓ ❓ ❗

36. Lace Valentine

    06 January, 2006, 6:36 pm

    And finally:

    “I’m sorta starting to get into autoerotic asphyxiation…”

    :dead:

37. Spud

    06 January, 2006, 8:03 pm

    Does my passing wind bother you? no? great! …….brrrrrrrpttttt!

38. cbatdux

    06 January, 2006, 8:41 pm

    Do you mind if I take a picture of you? Naked? In my bed? With my dog?

39. tinamarie

    06 January, 2006, 11:14 pm

    I hope you weren’t planning on scoring on the first date or anythings. See, I just got over the crabs, and everything is sensitive down there. Sorry. :wtf:

40. Sue

    07 January, 2006, 12:11 am

    Oh, you wanted something to eat? Does McDonalds accept EBT cards!!

41. Daniel

    07 January, 2006, 12:57 am

    1: “Is this the biggest :wang: you’ve ever seen or what!”
    2: “You’ve probably heard some guys say that 69 is their favorite number. Mine’s the number 10, because there is a stick and a hole to go in.”
    3: “Don’t worry, I’ve seen The Fonz do it many times.”
    4: “Could you help me out; in high school, they voted me least likely to get laid in my entire life, so far they were right. Could you help change that?”
    5: “You remind me of my ex.”
    6: “Can I tell the DJ to play Y.M.C.A.?”
    7: “How big are your :boob: :boob:?”
    8: See #5—“You remind me of my cousin.”(Not a bad thing in Kentucky by what I understand)
    9: “The closest I’ve ever come to getting laid is when the box of Lays Potato Chips about fell on me the other day.”
    10: “You’re the only woman that I know that can turn my :limp: into :wang:, other than dear ol’ ma.”

    Those of you offended by any of these, I’m sorry. Those of you that want to complain about it, I have no problem sending my evil were-rabbits of doom to deal with you in their own special way.
    Remember that’s EVIL WERE_RABBITS OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!
    And for all intents and purposes, you can add this ranting to the list above as #11!

42. jwalkingthunder

    07 January, 2006, 2:06 am

    😈 I Love it more please lots more :wang: great 😆

43. Daniel

    07 January, 2006, 2:01 pm

    “I’ve this bad itch. What? With you fingers? No, use this screwdriver, it’s the only thing that works.”

44. Stephanie

    07 January, 2006, 4:31 pm

    :twisted:I am a scientologist.
    :wtf: You have great :wang:-sucking lips! (This REALLY happened!)

45. jayray

    07 January, 2006, 4:58 pm

    I suffer from Paranoid Delusional Pyscosis; my doctor says everyone has it, but they don’t know it, so don’t be alarmed if I duck or pull you into an alley occasionally, OK!!!!!!

46. Paige

    07 January, 2006, 10:53 pm

    So, would you like to watch me and my best friend go at it. (OH. Wait a minute. This is about what men DONT want to hear on a first date, isnt it??) Ok. would you like to watch me and your best friend go at it???? :wang: :boob:

47. Spud

    08 January, 2006, 5:18 am

    pussy cat pussy cat
    I see you
    yes
    I
    do

48. Spud

    08 January, 2006, 5:18 am

    😛

49. Daniel

    10 January, 2006, 4:23 pm

    [Comment ID #17326 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Paige, I think men would more like to hear, “Would you like to join me best friend and I!” And further more for the second half, what if the guy’s best friend was a woman, not so bad after all.

50. Dark_N_Evil

    11 January, 2006, 12:54 am

    yea but knowing your luck daneil, it would be a guy who has been longing for you!

Comments are closed