Posted inBad Ideas

I rarely have snappy comebacks

22 December, 200736 Comments

…but today I nailed one without skipping a beat.

[SCENE: Starbucks]
Woman: “Ahem. Is that an Apple product?”
Me: “Yes, it’s a G4 Laptop”
Woman: “Well, you must be a devil worshipper, because only Democrats and satanists use Apple products.”
Me: “Why, I am a devil worshipper. Did the Mac give it away?”<

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Last updated on 04 September, 2014
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36 Comments

  2. Spud
    22 December, 2007,

    [SCENE: Starbucks]
    Woman: “Ahem. Is that an Apple product?”
    Me: “Yes, it’s a G4 Lap—”
    Woman: “Well, you must be a devil worshipper, because only democrats and satanists use Apple products.”
    Me: “WTF :evil:, you crazy motherf*&$@ing bitch, here look into these barrels and I’ll show you your future”

  3. Penguin Pete
    22 December, 2007,

    I would have responded “Pardon me madam, but you have us confused with FreeBSD. They have the demon.”

    Actually, I run Linux, so I would have to explain my apparent penguin fetish instead.

  4. Indigo
    22 December, 2007,

    I think it’s interesting that she assumed you were not a democrat and skipped straight to satanist.

  5. AnnieB
    22 December, 2007,

    Well, heh, heh, that’s where you’re wrong m’lady. Only men with big dicks use Apple … wanna bite?

  6. Chris S
    22 December, 2007,

    Wow. I usually have good comebacks most of the time but a comment like that is so completely ridiculous I think I would have drawn a blank due to its sheer stupidity. Of course the fact that you really ARE a devil worshiper made it easier for you I am sure. 😈

    Also her statement sounds like she is proud to be a republican which given the current state of affairs in the US I don’t see how anyone can be “proud” of that at the moment, at least not enough to compare Democrats to devil worshipers. Or maybe she’s a Greenie…oh wait only devil worshipers are Greenies. 😛

  7. Nicolette
    22 December, 2007,

    :wtf: Who the hell do you sit next to at Bux, the Church Lady?!? I would have gotten up, gotten her another cup of crap and told her, “Here, have a Grande cup of STFU on me, bitch!! Have a nice Holiday!” 😈 😈 😈 :java: 😈

  8. patrick
    22 December, 2007,

    “Why yes, you’re right. And my G4 works flawlessly EVERY FREAKING TIME! It’s also true that Republicans use PCs. And a PC freezes up as often as a Republican lies! BTW notice anything about the taste of your Grande cupt of STFU, like perhaps the hint of goat urine?

    BTW Dave, apologies for unintended Grande-sized font with yesterday’s post. I have no idea how that happened. Certainly unintended.

  9. blaster gas
    22 December, 2007,

    [Comment ID #220849 will be quoted here]

    Maybe it is because you are using one of those devil worshiping macs…..Sorry I couldn’t help it!!!

    😈

  10. Zilla the Younger
    22 December, 2007,

    So, if Mac’s are the Devil’s handiwork, that makes Steve Jobs the designer from hell…but I think we all knew that.
    :wtf:

  11. Brad K.
    22 December, 2007,

    “Why, Ma’am, you must be a Chrustian! Only Christians even believe in the devil!”

    • or –

    “I hear Salem let’s people like you visit the old lady’s graves, now. Witch.”

    • or –

    “And how do my religious observances affect the flavor of your coffee this morning?”

    • or –

    “And how old were you the first time you had sex?”

    • or –

    “Can I take your picture? There are dozens of friends that would love to see a picture of you, even if you keep your clothes on! And, please, do hold that Bible right in front of you, so my camera won’t steal your soul! Now, can you look stern but self-righteous and proud? Or at least ignorant?”

  12. Fleetwood
    22 December, 2007,

    Well lady, I am a democrat..and you are in luck..It’s give a democrat a blow job day..now on your knees

  13. Fleetwood
    22 December, 2007,

    In a very loud voice…Stop sending me Naked Pictures of yourself! BTW you need breast implants and a butt tuck.

  14. Supercharged_goddess
    22 December, 2007,

    No, you are all wrong- she MUST know from experience- probably recognized him from her local satanist anonymous meeting. Should have told her Eve was the original Apple user, Bitch.

  15. Natalie
    22 December, 2007,

    Crap, that must mean I’m a Satanist too.

  16. Pablo
    22 December, 2007,

    Woman: “Ahem. Is that an Apple product?”
    Me: “Yes, it’s a G4 Lap—”
    Woman: “Well, you must be a devil worshipper, because only democrats and satanists use Apple products.”

    A) Oh I get it. The apple looks like Hilary Clinton’s head and if you take a couple of hours to straighten out the logo you can make a pentangle out of it, right?

    B) I see, only a christian / republican would revel in the use of outdated theology / technology.

    C) I’m sorry, I think they called your name. Someone just called “ignorant bigotted bitch”. That’s you, right?

    D) May I suggest the redrum mocha?

    E) Would you mind taking your i-pole out of your ass?

  17. Marcus
    22 December, 2007,

    1: They are an unholy gift from the desolate one. The first of the fallen. Bitch you are 555 I am 666. I am a heritic with a Mac.

    2: Was your mother the whore of babylon.

    2: I am the all american anti-claus.

  18. Flash Gordon
    22 December, 2007,

    Hell, lady, I’M both and I’m preparing to turn
    you into a republican sack of shit. 👿 😈 🙄 😕

  19. Fleetwood
    22 December, 2007,

    Hi Mom. Glad you could stop by. Want to see my new tat of your face on my ass.

  20. Fleetwood
    22 December, 2007,

    [Comment ID #220875 will be quoted here]
    Too late she already is.

  21. Pablo
    22 December, 2007,

    Woman: “Ahem. Is that an Apple product?”
    Me: “Yes, it’s a G4 Lap—”
    Woman: “Well, you must be a devil worshipper, because only democrats and satanists use Apple products.”

    Thank you for noticing. It looks cold outside, let me get you a verde cup of STFU!

  22. Pablo
    22 December, 2007,

    Woman: “Ahem. Is that an Apple product?”
    Me: “Yes, it’s a G4 Lap—”
    Woman: “Well, you must be a devil worshipper, because only democrats and satanists use Apple products.”

    I’d tell you to blow it out your ass, but I’m looking at what happened when they told your mother the same thing.

  23. Jay Laverdure
    22 December, 2007,

    Devil worshiper? Satanist? Democrat? Ma’am, why
    do you keep repeating yourself?

    Anyway, if you don’t mind, I’ve got to draw a pentacle around my table with the blood of a 666-minute old baby (you get better Wi-Fi reception that way, you know)…

  24. Nicolette
    22 December, 2007,

    [Comment ID #220884 will be quoted here]

    Quit copying me Pablo! 👿

  25. cbatdux
    22 December, 2007,

    Actually Ma’am, I think Adam and Eve have a patent on that Apple thing.

  26. Fleetwood
    22 December, 2007,

    [Comment ID #220888 will be quoted here]Repeating yourself….go Bush yourself…BTW hope you have a very special holiday in Iraq while cleaning up all of the blood with hundreds of billions of American dollars. Jerk.

  27. Pablo
    22 December, 2007,

    [Comment ID #220890 will be quoted here]

    So sorry. I was not as generous as you. I only offered a verde.

  28. Nicolette
    22 December, 2007,

    [Comment ID #220953 will be quoted here]

    What can I say, the Christmas Spirit moved me! :java:

  29. brad s.
    22 December, 2007,

    i would chew the apple off the end of meagan’s whip!

  30. Penguin Pete
    23 December, 2007,

    [Comment ID #220849 will be quoted here]

    What PCs do depends on what operating system you run on them…
    😆 8)

  31. Bjorn Freeh
    23 December, 2007,

    “No, ma’am, there was a misprint in that part of the user’s guide. Actually, we worship satin (anything smooth and comfortable)… like a Mac.”

  32. Fleetwood
    23 December, 2007,

    Merry Christmas ZillaGirls. See you in a couple of weeks.

  34. Meagan
    23 December, 2007,

    [Comment ID #220967 will be quoted here]

    Maybe this woman would like a taste of my Apple too. WHIP! 👿

  35. Amber
    24 December, 2007,

    Wait WUT? Are you serious? She really said that? How funny. Ill have to email you the link to this video on youtube of this crazy lady screaming at kids for using the iPhone. Its pretty hilarious.

  36. Astryd
    26 December, 2007,

    “I’m glad to see my fellow devil worshippers recognize each other. Tell me, will you be attending the virgin sacrifice this weekend? I don’t know if I should bring something, you know, pot-luck style or if we’ll be eating out. It’s my first time.”

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