Spirit Animal
I think my spirit animal was taken by the Humane Society and put up for adoption.
Parenting: What no one told me
So I became a father for the first time. At 49. I had pretty much given up the hope of having children, but then it happened. No, don't congratulate me. It was easy. What wasn't easy was sifting through the reams of advice you're given from doctors, family, magazines, blogs, friends and complete strangers—yes the same strangers who feel compelled to feel up your wife's belly like she was a prize Berkshire hog at a county fair. Most of the advice a new parent gets seems to come from well-meaning, but childless adults who are disappointingly often dead right. Other…
Two Shakes of a Lamb’s Tail
How come when someone says, "I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail," it always takes about 45 minutes? Just how big is a lamb's tail?
Ready? Package is up… and PULL!
Amazon claims it will use flying robot drones to deliver packages to us in the near future. Sorry, USPS. You've been replaced. Perhaps this is smart thinking on Amazon's part as they plan for a United States that may lose its short-sighted postal service. On the other hand, duck hunters now can have twice the fun blasting the bloody hell out of someone's 50 Shades of Grey novel.
For the Time Being
When people say, "Oh, it's just for the time being," I freak out. We have Time Beings that demand offerings from us? When did this start? Next thing, you'll be telling me the government is being run by Reptile People.
My fish hate me
Every morning, my fish stare at me, blankly. I always wonder if they are hungry or don't like what I'm wearing.
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