2006 New Years Resolutions

Every year since this site began in 1995, I have posted my resolutions. To date, I am still not King of the World, Master of Time, Space and Depravity, but I am still trying.

  1. Continue on my yearly mission to find a cure for clowns and mimes
  2. Catering to my 15 year-old cat’s ever changing whims
  3. Discover a cure for skorts and gauchos
  4. Lobby for a Federal Bill to make wearing of mullets at the workplace a punishable crime
  5. Progressive cities like Toronto have declared it completely legal for women to go topless in public. Should a forward-thinking nation like America be left behind? I say nay!
  6. Write a lengthy dissertation proving once and for all, that bowling is a game, not a sport
  7. Declare winter illegal after Christmas, Hannukah or Kwanzah, whichever ends first
  8. Find ways to integrate bunnies and cheese into everyday conversations
  9. Drink more coffee
  10. Do share at least one of your resolutions with the rest of the class
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  1. Spud

    Well, those were pretty bloody good, however since the class has been asked, I will share.

    In the year 2006 I resolve to:
    1. Ride a mechanical bull in drag.
    2. Bring back disco.
    3. Wear more lacy black lingerie.
    4. Generate more bad karma.
    5. Wear spandex every other day.
    6. Pick my nose at stop lights.
    7. Drink more beer.
    8. Stop making silly resolutions.

    Thanks for the year that was Dave!



  2. HippyGuy

    1. Drink. Drink some more. Wasn’t it Benjamin Franklin who said, beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. So be happy.
    2. So many women, so little time – I will make more time. :wang:
    3. I will own a monkey.
    4. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. :mrgreen:
    5. If I see a UFO I won’t tell anybody about it.
    6. Stop exercising. Its just a waste of time.
    7. I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.
    8. I will spin in circles until I hurl every chance I get.
    9. Read less.
    10. I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth. 😈

  3. JFLY

    I love lists…must the Virgo in me. 😀

    1. Stop listening to the voices in my head
    2. Try not to “iggy” more than 3 foreign guys a day
    3. Complete my collection of US quarters
    4. Be brave enough to board the “mother-ship” the next time
    5. Resist the temptation to add Nyquil to the Kool-Ade
    6. Gain 20 pounds
    7. Learn to speak Aramic
    8. Quit smoking and start chewing
    9. Run for president
    10.”Role-play” with Hugh Jackman

    Oops…my mind wandered. That last one was from a completely different list. 😛

  4. Steppenwolf

    1. Stop fantasizing about being the Virgo in JFLY. :wang:

    2. Not to get arrested for DWI this year. Be careful and have a happy & safe New Years everyone. :mrgreen:

  5. Doug

    I am new to this site, and I love it. I have a question, though. What are those little emoticon-like boxes that say things like “Wang” and “Boobs,” and more to the point, where can I get them??

  6. They are just there to pepper your comments as you see fit, Doug. You will not find them anywhere but this site as I created them. The only ones I did not create in this set are :idea::roll::eek: and 😡

    Which Virgo is in you, JFLY? 😈

  7. Craig

    1. I will try not to make so much fun of “Diamond” David Lee Roth
    2.Number 1 will pretty much tie up most of my time.

  8. Magda

    In the year 2006 I resolve to:
    Slap stupid people in the head.:lol:

  9. buffy

    1. i resolve to start a dance workout at least once a week
    2. to start my christmas shopping in january
    3. to be more creative with my outfits
    4. to stop my bad habit of bitting my nails
    5. to keep my room clean
    6. to not bust up my cell phone
    7. to do good in school
    8. to have fun and be myself more no matter what people may think
    9. to finally dye my hair purple
    10. to keep my room clean and organized this year
    11. be more of a teen instead of an adult.
    12. stay true to my boyfriend.
    13. keep in touch with all of my friends.
    well i think that preety much wraps it up.

  10. Dave,
    about number 5… could you let us know next time Natalie is going topless so that we can all sit and watch them :boobs::boobs: bounce by…?

  11. cbatdux

    I resolve to stop giving up my resolutions for lent every year.

  12. This year I resolve to:

    1. Lose the v-card (that’s the easy one).
    2. Play and sing an early Rolling Stones song in front of a crowd.
    3. Dress up as a bum and see if anyone gives me cash.
    4. Buy condoms, lube, and a large zuchinni at the grocery store… and nothing else.


  13. JFLY

    I wonder if Hugh Jackman is a Virgo? 😈

  14. JFLY

    Some Famous Virgos:

    Steve Guttenberg
    Bill Ray Cyrus
    Elvis Costello
    Regis Philbin
    Paul Reubens
    Michael Jackson
    Adam West


    Hugh Jackman was born on 10-12-68. Wish I had some Libra in me…:razz:

  15. Lace Valentine

    Lace Valentine’s Horoscope Experiments for the New Year:

    👿 Aries–Pretend you’re a woose for one hour. Yes it’s hard but try to live like the calm cowards that make up the rest of humanity.

    :undies: Taurus–Invest in Mormon underwear. Make love on the second date rather than the first. With your princibles, try being flexible as a steel pole.

    :grin::lol:Gemini–Try not repeating the clever thing your friend told you last week, or the thing you read on the internet, and if you do, try not to pass it off as your own. Remember, your thoughts aren’t you, they’re just thoughts.

    :???:Cancer–Don’t be so squeamish. Quit being a homebody. Forget complexity. Learn to be glib and superficial for a change. Oh and loose weight dearie.

    :kiss:Leo–Realize this year you’re not always liked. And let someone else get some attention dammit! You cry in private too often and this ugly world isn’t a fairy tale.

    :roll:Virgo–ok you picky spinster in drag, leave the ashtray in my car alone. If I want it empty, I’ll empty it. You’re sexier than you know, but we all know you don’t like sex, so try taking care of goldfish instead.

    :mrgreen: Libra– Learn this year there’s a difference between a flirt and a whore. Male libras accept yourself: you’re all gay. Even if you don’t know it. Everybody hates how elegant and prim you Libra’s are. You’ll always be popular, a likable snob.

    :evil:Scorpio–You already know you’re cool, that you cut no one slack. Try to relax for one day. Where others need java, your intensity is of the axe-welding type. Lay your arms down.

    :razz:Sagittarius–Before you start speaking, just go ahead and put your foot in mouth. Keep it there all year. Did you know people could die from too much cuteness? Avoid philosophical discussion at all parties. Sleep.

    :dead: Capricorn–Try wearing yellow or orange for once, I dare ya. Try prancing or skipping rather than glum walking. I know you’ll feel silly, somewhere in you is an inner child about 300 years old.

    :java: Aquarius– Stop the zaniness. I tell you stop the spacey thoughts and the weird perspective, however interesting. Learn how to be wallpaper for a moment. Avoid groups where you’re the central force.

    :hurl: Pisces–Toughen up man. You’re friends don’t want to hear one more conversation about your dreams. We all dream, dude, we just don’t talk about it. Don’t sacrifice yourself for ice cream.

  16. cbatdux

    Hilarious, Lace. Pulling on something orange for the festivities tonite….

  17. mitch

    Hey, I’m a sexy Virgo…well, on the to the resolutions.
    1)I resolve to bitch slap only one Republican a day.
    2)I resolve to…fuck it, I can’t even keep the first one. Don’t get me started on the Republicans.
    3) I resolve to stop carrying guns with me on my postal route. I will use them only at the office.
    4) I resolve to love, honor and obey the next woman who will sit on my face.
    5) Sorry about #4…kinda drunk right now.
    6) I resolve…wait, wait there’s a Republican…WHAP!
    Everyone have a great new year….

  18. kate

    hi i is a tarus and i do believe that all ppl who whrite there resalutions whilst drunk shoul stop that because you won’t remember in the morning you weenis:limp:

    hokay so i will stop saying weenins

    i will not get hurt by those who love me

    i will not be mean to ppl i do not know

    i will not be able to keep my resolutions because i am such a effing idiot i probably wont remember these tomarrow.

  19. starheler

    hi mitch i will sit on your face:eek: i’m new to the sight. any way

    i will fuck my boy frind more and my girl frind less

    i will stop fucking them a t the same time

    i will eat less candy

    i will lern to cook and cleen (girl frind will leve me so better lern)

    will stop dating woman they bicth to much

    love star (femaile scorpio slightly drunk)

  20. tinamarie

    1. Quit being so boring.
    2. Start dry cleaning my leather sex suitmore often.
    3. Give up prostitution.

  21. Mandy

    Show my :boobs::boobs: and :thong: on Dave’s site again next year. Woo! :kiss::kiss::kiss:

  22. jules

    Promise, Mandy? 😈

  23. Christall



  24. Paige

    1. I resolve to not be such a homebody(Cancer)2. I resolve to masturbate at least twice a day- with the other hand. 3. I resolve to come up with more witty comments for Davezilla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAPPY AND SAFE NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!!PARTY TIL YOU PUKE:hurl:

  25. mikeB

    I resolve to watch Paige masturbate and help out if necessary, That goes double for Mandy :wang:

  26. Dennis Bookhart

    No resolution offered here. But I am amazed that your cat has remained 15 yrs old since 1995. Must have graduated magma cum laude from the Jack Benny School of Aging.

  27. Anna

    Even though it’s already the new year ……
    1) I will sleep with him or her on the first date.
    2) I will not stop smoking.

  28. jeffro

    Mandy ,
    did you say “again”? where the hell was I?When did the :boob: :boob: make an apearance?

  29. I don’t do resolutions, but if you could let me know when you find a cure for clowns, I would really appreciate it.

  30. marcus

    1. I resolve not to make a resolution ever again.

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