20 ways to be left alone at work

1. larfus

   19 May, 2006, 12:28 am

   Ha! funny thing is I just got a tooth pulled tuesday. :wtf:

2. Spud

   19 May, 2006, 1:47 am

   Kill everyone

   Burn the building

   Problem solved

   :dead:

3. paul

   19 May, 2006, 1:48 am

   1) Admit that you just shit yourself.
   2) Gain several hundred pounds and get a Chick Magnet T-Shirt.
   3) Hang your pants on your office door.
   4) Hang yourself on your office door.
   5) Smile big while you wear your SBD T-Shirt as you tell everyone you had chili for lunch .
   6) Relate everything anybody does or says to a Cathy or Dilbert comic strip.
   7) Display an additional dozen pictures of your dog dressed up as Boba Fet on your desk.
   8) Hang a box of tampons on your door.

   Only the tip of the iceberg

4. April

   19 May, 2006, 1:56 am

   I like #15. That’s the one I would do out of all of them.

5. Ace

   19 May, 2006, 3:06 am

   1. Smell everything that comes into your hands
   2. Talk like a 1850s prospector
   3. End every conversation with “your mom”
   4. Stare. stare at anything and anyone
   5. Get the word “mail” shaved into your hair
   6. When people ask you why you choose the word “mail” pretend you can’t hear them and ask them to repeat it louder (try to get them to scream)
   7. Pop a pimple right in the middle of a conversation
   8. Claim it is Frog Jumping Jubilee Day and jump instead of walk all day and ecourage other to do so
   9. When someone tells a joke laugh like maniac and overexaggerate
   10. Wear a cone hat that says troll on it :troll:
   11. Frequently, almost compulsively, reapply chap stick, smack your lips and blow a kiss to whoever is present
   12. Get fungus on feet and take your shoes off at work. Ah, the smell of success!
   13. Say it is Gilbert Gottfried day and immitate his voice all day
   14. Ask in a very deep and philosphic way “if one is able to repeat, can one ever just peat?”

6. Anna

   19 May, 2006, 3:19 am

   It’s friday morning, had a bad night and can’t think of a single thing ….. except:

   @Ace: re nr. 14. I thougth it was Pete and his twin brother REPete. (:puke:)

   I’m at the office and I’ll go back to sleep now, thank you.

7. JFLY

   19 May, 2006, 3:37 am

   1. Don’t bathe and eat lots and lots of raw garlic (this will keep away the vampires, if nothing else).
   2. Argue out loud with the little voices inside your head that are telling you to set fire to your boss.
   3. Keep a thick stack of “The Watchtower” leaflets on your desk.
   4. Pick your nose constantly…or drool.
   5. Line up Voo Doo dolls on your desk, tagged with the names of your co-workers.
   6. Ask around the office for the nearest STD clinic.
   7. Frantically answer the phone with “Is my prescription ready yet? I don’t know how much longer I can control myself…”.
   8. Talk romantically to a hand puppet and make frequent trips to the restroom.
   9. Clean your handgun at your desk.
   10. Continually spray everything your co-workers touch with Lysol.

8. Mandy

   19 May, 2006, 6:31 am

   10. Continually spray everything your co-workers touch with Lysol.
   Or just spray the coworkers! 😛

9. Lisa

   19 May, 2006, 7:08 am

   Spray co-workers with Febreeze and act shocked when they don’t disappear.
   Answer questions with questions.

10. Francesca

    19 May, 2006, 7:11 am

    Hang carnival signs everywhere.

    “You must be this tall to ride this” on the bathroom stall doors.

    “Pregnant women and persons with a heart condition should avoid this” on the copy machine.

    “This way to the Incredible, Bearded Woman” on the boss’s door.

11. Nikki

    19 May, 2006, 7:11 am

    “Grag your phone…” sounds dirty. :kiss:

12. bhamm

    19 May, 2006, 7:51 am

    1) Hang a GI Joe by his neck in plain view of co-workers with a sign that says “Are you sure you need to talk to me?”
    2) Decorate your cubicle for Halloween. In May.
    3) Fill your desk drawers with syrofoam peanuts. Accuse everyone you work with of pulling this “stupid prank”. Keep it up for a week.
    4) Repeat everything anyone tells you.
    5) Repeat yourself.
    6) Repeat yourself. Louder.
    7) Build a shrine for a bagel.
    8) Keep about 15 different clocks scattered throughout your cubicle all set to very incorrect times. Whenever anyone asks you what time it is, tell them to look at the clock and leave you alone.
    9) Fart on purpose.
    10) Demand that everyone call you Lord Crizzleglob. For that is your title on your home planet of Zurrin 7.

13. Bjorn Freeh

    19 May, 2006, 8:47 am

    In my office, you just need to do some actual work. People keep their distance from that.

14. Bob

    19 May, 2006, 9:08 am

    keep scratching your underarm and ask everone ” will you look at this for me?”

15. Paige

    19 May, 2006, 9:31 am

    Dont bathe for a few days and keep asking everyone”Do you smell something funny?” I think I want to find a place that serves frog legs for dinner.YYYUUUMMMM!!!!

16. phud

    19 May, 2006, 9:32 am

    when the sun shines on you desk ,put in a request to management to move the building to a different angle.

17. Mjaz

    19 May, 2006, 9:56 am

    True story: I worked with a woman who never bathed and literally had FLEAS!! She kept food stashed under her desk, which either came complete with – or attracted – roaches. To top it all off… in the ladies room, she would speak encouragingly to herself, to coax her bodily products. (ie: “C’mon.. you can do it… Yes, yes, thats good…” *PLOP* .. “very good!!”)

    I swear to God that this is true. She couldn’t be fired, because we were a Government Contractor, and OPM rules applied.

18. Mjaz

    19 May, 2006, 10:13 am

    1) Men: Put a lifesize blow-up love doll (dressed, of course) in a chair, Introduce her to everyone who comes in your office.

    2) in reference to no. 1 (above) make it Dolly the Love Sheep http://www.baronbob.com/dolly.htm . Proceed as above.

    3) Clip your nails and try to hit your coworkers with the missles.

    4) Play polka or squaredance music and ask coworkers to dance with you (preferably same-sex).

    5) Put a bowl of cheap candy on your desk, with a mousetrap or novelty buzzer in it. Yell GOTCHA when someone springs the trap.

    6) Wear the most nauseating perfume you can find (Original Georgio / Old Spice come to mind). Layer it on thick, and refresh it continually throughout the day

    7) Women: Keep several boxes of sanitary products prominantly displayed, with a sign saying “Free to a good home.. They don’t fit me”

19. Ace

    19 May, 2006, 11:29 am

    [Comment ID #52478 will be quoted here]

    My hero!

20. family jules

    19 May, 2006, 12:03 pm

    Tell a select few busybodies that you have a crazy secret crush on someone in the office, you’ve been circling their house at night and have their routines down to the minute in your day planner.

    And today is the day you are finally going to tell them when the wedding will be.

21. sgf

    19 May, 2006, 2:01 pm

    Step 1) Find the strongest, meanest, toughest co-worker, sneak up on them and take them down in a very public area such as the break room.

    Step 2) Drag them back to your cubicle and stick them on the open-flame rotiserie that you fashioned earlier in the day.

    Step 3) Tell everyone that walks by, ‘Luau starts in five!’

22. Meagan

    19 May, 2006, 3:43 pm

    1. Pee in the coffee pot.
    2. Put a recliner in your cubicle and sleep the day away.
    3. Recite steamy passages from a romance novel.
    4. On the day of the full moon, come into work skyclad and chant all day in worship of the goddess Diana.
    5. Wear an eye patch and a parrot on your shoulder and talk like a pirate all day. Arrrrrrrr, matey!

23. Tara

    19 May, 2006, 4:40 pm

    1. Wait until a quiet moment in a meeting and whisper to your neighbor, (just loud enough for everyone to hear) “I think I just sharted,” and run to the door with an ashamed look on your face.
    2. Make sure you share the six hundred pictures of your cat with everyone in the office – with commentary.
    4. When you leave the bathroom, post a note that says, “I wouldn’t go in there for thirty-five, forty-five minutes.”
    5. Sell candy bars for your “kids.” Make sure everyone knows you don’t have any kids and cry when they point it out to you.

    Thats all I gots.

24. Jeffro

    19 May, 2006, 5:57 pm

    1). Sit at your desk with yourshirt pulled up on your head like a hood and mumble ” I am Cornholio. I need T.P. for my bung hole. ” over and over. Then when someone comes in to your office Scream “ARE YOU THREATENING ME”.
    2). Stuff a tube sock with tissue and stick it an your pants so that it goes nearly to your knee, then hang out at the water cooler all day and talk to people in your best Ron Burgundy voice.( I, of course, don’t need the tube sock. ) 😛
    3). Wear an adult diaper and take a dump in it. Then stand too close to people when you talk to them.
    4). Answer every Question with 80’s metal lyrics.

25. JFLY

    19 May, 2006, 6:16 pm

    LMAO…I don’t know who to comment on because every single post was hysterical!

    BTW Sept. 19th is officially “Talk Like A Pirate Day”. http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html

    Aaargh…ye be a bunch of wicked scoundrels, indeed! 😈

26. Carl

    19 May, 2006, 6:26 pm

    1) Walk around with giant, noise-canceling head phones, attached to nothing, all week, ignore all attempt to communicate with you.

    2) Walk around with an iPod. No head phone, just an iPod strapped to your belt and violently SSSSSSHHHHHH anyone that talks to you. For extra credit, play the air guitar, air drums or conduct a symphony at random intervals.

27. miss tickle

    19 May, 2006, 8:03 pm

    1.) Girls, Dont shave ur legs for a week, then where a short skirt, and if someone points ur legs out say : Ur just jealous that you didnt think of it first!
    2.) stick a buch of sticky notes on ur door reading: i like u, will u come in.
    3.)take a squirt gun and squirt everyone with it, when they ask you to stop squirt them again.
    4.)go to a meeting you wernt invited to a demand to no why u wernt
    5.) get a huge water bottle and back wash in the kindly ask everone you see if they would like a drink.

28. mikeme

    19 May, 2006, 8:13 pm

    Come back from the restroom with a toilet plunger under your arm and proclaim
    to the entire office” The next one in there has a little work to do”

29. radio1

    19 May, 2006, 9:43 pm

    [Comment ID #52463 will be quoted here]

    seems that they do that here in my office too!!!!!!

30. Drusky

    19 May, 2006, 9:52 pm

    1) Announce that the next day is pajama day then show up in a pink bunny suit…
    2) Walk around with a sock puppet on your hand. Tell everyone it’s ‘take your child to work day’…
    3) Keep a refrigerator box in your office. Cut a door into it and tell your co-workers it’s your ‘special‘ conference room.

    4) Tell them that JFLY, someone you’ve seen online, posted a list of how to kill your co-workers and you just can’t get it out of your head… 😆

    5) Sit naked on your flatbed scanner then e-mail it to the whole office. Extra bonus points if you can make it look like a smiley face as you scan it… 😈

31. Tina Marie

    19 May, 2006, 10:47 pm

    Arizona. We are so damn consistent. We always come in 45th or 47th out of 50 in rankings with other states. For once, I am proud to be 47th…in natural tooth loss. 😆

32. Tina Marie

    19 May, 2006, 10:59 pm

    And now to attend to how to be left alone…

    I worked with someone who came to work with a letter signed by themselves and their psychiatrist, stating that they would behave themselves at work and alert someone immediately if the ‘bad voices’ started coming out of the radio again.

    Can you say FIRED? I knew you could. 😕

    So I changed careers (I was a computer programmer, now I am a counselor/clergyperson) and this gem arises:

    One of my professors related how one of his clients gave him a tinfoil helmet to wear during their sessions so that ‘the bad people couldn’t read his mind.’ They proceeded to spend the next several months wearing tinfoil helmets whenever they had a session.

    Can you imagine sitting in the waiting room, waiting for your counselor to finish with the previous client, when suddenly they both emerge wearing tinfoil helmets? :wtf:

33. Anita Mann-Badley

    19 May, 2006, 11:55 pm

    Why not just threaten to post their picture on Davezilla? Nobody could handle that much pressure. 😈

34. Cara

    20 May, 2006, 12:01 am

    Thats alot to memorize I think I would just let eveyone bother me :troll:

35. Adam

    23 May, 2006, 7:26 pm

    There is nothing funny about Satan. lol. 😈

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