What I Learned from Movies, XV: Cop-Out Answers

One thing I really hate? Unacceptable answers to cover a weak plot or to justify why a character can do a certain thing. The second and third Matrix movies are notorious for covering plot gaps with lines that at first listen sound like they could be deep—then you remember that these are movies with Keanu […]

What I Learned from Movies XIV: Military Movies

Holding up a fist will instantly stop an entire army dead in their tracks. Any time bullets are shot at you in slow motion, you can avoid them (in slow motion) by leaning way back until your spine is almost broken. Hover in this position for several seconds until the bullet-time effect has ended. Make […]

What I Learned About Caves from Movies

An explosion in a cave, no matter how small the blast, will result in the precise amount of falling rocks needed to just cover the solitary entrance. The rocks will always be small enough to be carried away by hand. Even when there are tens of thousands of bats, the guano will have no affect […]

What I Learned About Car Theft from Movies

All cars can be hotwired. The first time the wires contact, they will spark. The second contact will always start the car. You’ll never steal a car with bad brakes, poor suspension, etc. Stolen cars can jump cliffs, bridges and take impossible turns. Stolen cars never have safety glass. Shooting a criminal’s windshield will always […]

What I Learned from Movies: Car Chases

All car in a chase will eventually run into an Italian fruit stand ominously parked in the middle of the road. This fruit stand is an omen of death and the proprietor is actually a minor demon; a minion of Lucifer set to test mankind’s will… and driving skills. Alternatively, two elderly identical men will […]

Things I Learned from Movies: Vampires

They never check a vampire for ID Likewise, no one asks child vampire why they aren’t in school The DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) never seems to notice that vampires are about 2,000 years too old to drive. Oh wait, they OWN the DMVs. Vampires exist by hard and fast rules. Once you turn, that’s […]