The Claw

1. Infernos

   12 August, 2007, 1:25 pm

   During a French class we stuffed strips of paper into an overhead projector each time the teacher had his back to us. He went to use it during the next class and it caught on fire.

2. Pablo

   12 August, 2007, 2:11 pm

   Back in Jr High we had a quite large english teacher. Above and beyond her girth was a less than happy personality thatr made the learning experience suck more than it usually did.

   Anyhoo, the early 70’s was not the technological world we live in now. The only choices to put on a teacher’s chair was thumb tacks or a whoopie cushion (makes loud frating noise when you sit on it. Tacks would have gotten us suspended so we opted for the whoopie cushion. Needless to say we were all waiting , holding in our giggles for the big moment. When she finally moved to her desk and started to sit our aticipation of the noise was almost unbearable. Unfortunately for us we should have bought the industrial stregnth model because no fart noise emerged, just a loud ker-pop!

   Damn, foiled again

3. t1nyturtle

   12 August, 2007, 2:37 pm

   One of my most vivid h.s. memories is of my chemistry teacher and the flask of liquid nitrogen. With rubber gloves on, and a patter about how careful one had to be with this stuff, she stuck her finger down in the flask and held it there for a little while. (!) Then she pulled her hand out, put it flat on the lab desk, and whacked the finger with a hammer — crack! I was stunned and speechless, and I think several girls in the class nearly passed out. Then she took the glove off and shook out the bits of the short length of hot dog she’d substituted for her finger…

   The joke, such as it was, was on us, that day!

4. AnnieB

   12 August, 2007, 2:38 pm

   So Dave … when you saw the texting, boob-steering woman, with the long talons you swerved to avoid on Tuesday did ya have like a flashback to your hot typing instructor? Did ya have to pull over and stedge-off?

   Spud … you may have to add a #5 to your list of what Stedgers are noted for.

   😈 😛

5. patrick

   12 August, 2007, 3:25 pm

   Sophomore History-before the class began I instructed my partner in crime to have our teacher aske how my mother’s dance lessons were coming along. When I was asked about mom’s dance lessons, receiving the Oscar for Most Overdramatic Male Role in a Drama-Patrick, who uttered, “OH MY GOD, Mrs. Gibson, my mother had polio. She can’t even walk”! The four licks I got from the golf coach/principal were definitely worth it! 👿

6. Spud

   12 August, 2007, 6:05 pm

   Water pistoling a young pretty substitute teacher till she cracked and ran from the room.

   We were 11 or 12, year 6 anyway.

   Goodtimes.

7. TimM

   13 August, 2007, 6:34 am

   Sr. Mary Grace had a bell, the type with a button on top that you tapped. Whenever she wanted order in the classroom she would poud the button and “Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding” would ring out. One day when she wasn’t in the room I turned over the bell and put a piece of tape on the clapper. She came into the room, We all made noise so she would use the bell. She reached over and…. “tick, tick, tick, tick”

   In 6th grade We had a young inexperienced teacher, so I had my Grand Finale of being the class clown. I forgot about Parent Teacher day, when it came I thought “I AM SO Screwed!” but the teacher didn’t complain or tell my mom of the ways I drove her up the wall. (The teacher did laugh at the stuff I did, when she should have been telling me to behave.)

8. StevieC

   13 August, 2007, 7:47 am

   So, Mr. Z, any pics of The Claw? She sounds wildly sledgeable! Perhaps Astryd and I could get sent to detention 😈 :wang:

9. junkman

   13 August, 2007, 8:55 am

   we had a mensa english teacher that didn’t know how to function or interact with human beings. when it came to creative writing he would dish out c’s and d’s for great work that he could not see the point of. it was discovered that he had just laid a new lawn down on his property. we went over at night and silently removed the whole lawn. then wrote in the dirt “how do you like this plot?”

10. junkman

    13 August, 2007, 9:21 am

    he also had a picture of the queen above the chalkboard because he loved england. when he was writing and had his back to us we would spitball her. her face was obliterated. he would hear the sound and turn around but never found any evidence because he was notorious for never looking up. always staring down at his shoes or off to the left to avoid eye contact.

11. sledge

    13 August, 2007, 10:21 am

    Chemistry class we stuck pencils in the nozzles for the Bunsen burners and propane at 40 lbs psi would back up. we would get a lighter ready ,then knock the pencils out and try to get the flame at leasrt 12 feet in the room

12. Astryd

    13 August, 2007, 12:51 pm

    When I was transferred to the alternative hs I was hurt 🙁 . I don’t have an evil bone in my body 😈 and I had straight a’s but I was pregnant and the hs did not want to deal with me. :geek: “It would not be conducive for you or our school to keep you here and give the other students the idea that what you did was ok…” *fuck you 👿 * So the new school administrator, my mentor, (and staff) took me under her wing. She taught me about politics, etiquette and took me to meet the Governor, Senator, etc. Taught me to put together presentations , grant requests and petitions.
    My senior year I rallied the Alternative HS students and we went before the student counsil to request seperation from the High School. We got our Independance Day 😀 !! The HS principal came to me and shook my hand for a job well done (after saying how we were too unruly and irresponsible to handle our own school) :geek: (photo-op for losing gracefully?). My response & with a giant ‘appreciative’ 😈 smile (in front of everyone), “Thank you. What you witnessed are the teachings & unyielding support & dedication of Mrs. Mentor, the staff at CENTURY HS and the students you deemed unfit to attend Your HS. I can’t thank you enough for forcing me out of your high school, despite my positive academic qualities and achievements, when I came to you for guidance. Had you not rejected me in such a way I believe I would have followed a path not meant for me with no true direction in life. I’m sure I can speak for all of us, we are truly grateful, for we were not meant to follow like sheep but were meant to achieve greatness.” “Oh and on a side note, I apologize for trying to punch you in the face ;). I was offended by the things you told me but my hostility was uncalled for. 😳 I’m sorry.” I got a standing ovation and he had to stand there with me, puzzled, embarrased smile crawling on his face… hee hee hee
    My moment of glory (my only act of vengance) and his very public humiliation! 😆

    Oooooh, I guess I had a little evil bone 😳 !!! 😈

13. junkman

    13 August, 2007, 1:32 pm

    nice.

14. Bjorn Freeh

    13 August, 2007, 2:25 pm

    Government class, senior year. We were in the oldest section of the school and the room had large, double-hung sash windows. The teacher, always late to class, walked into the room to find not a piece of student furniture there. We were just standing about, looking puzzled.

    He went off to find a janitor (obviously they would know what happened) and returned 15 minutes later to a fully-furnished classroom and well-behaved students all sitting in their places.

    We had taken every desk and chair and put them on the section of roof just outside the windows. It was about 8 or 10 feet wide and easily held everything. As soon as he waddled off, we sent 5 or 6 guys through the windows to hand everything back.

    I wish I were a smooth now as I was then.

15. Astryd

    13 August, 2007, 3:14 pm

    OH! I was always a small kid. The runt of the litter, kinda. My freshman year I had a teacher that loved me and was so overprotective of me. I called ‘Timmy’ my next door neighbor and told him to tell her I was running late to class.
    When I showed up she ran and picked me up crying and scolding the other kids for saying what they’d said, I had no clue, what was going on.
    Close to the end of class they all shared what I’d missed. ‘Timmy’ got together with the neighborhood kids and started in the most elaborate tale ever heard about me. They said I wouldn’t be coming back but they couldn’t tell her why then they said they would if she would keep it secret because the police told them not to say anything.
    I was appearantly an innocent victim and had been shot and killed in some sort of gang war. That my parents were known gangsters and possibly had Mexican Mob ties and drugs and money were even found in my teddies (I collect Anne Geddes dolls) That it was all on the down low but the kids involved lived by me so all their parents had told them what had happened supposedly. That the reason the news hadn’t covered it was because they had evidence on the bad guys and testimonies and the police wanted to keep those that had spoken out safe. They went on to embellish even more, all of a sudden every kid in class had seen me at one point or another with the “big kids” behind buildings possibly selling the stuff. She told me she was so shocked that she just sat in her chair quietly listening to their stories. When recapping her eyes welled up but she was smiling. She was such a good sport. And he apologized. Of course I felt awful and never asked another student to relay my messages. It’s like playing eXtreme telephone! 😆

    If it had been me, they’d all be sleeping with the fishies right now 👿 . 😈 😀 😛

16. officeratt

    13 August, 2007, 9:57 pm

    OMG Pablo thats funny!! :limp: :limp: :wang: :wang: :boob: :boob: :wtf:

17. Meagan

    14 August, 2007, 4:44 pm

    Had I not been so shy and a teacher’s pet in school, I would’ve done more pranks. Although, I did stab a girl with a pencil once. I can’t remember why. 😈

18. Ronica

    14 August, 2007, 5:19 pm

    We had this principal, Mr. Reitz, who drove this little cart around campus. The 8th grade boys all got together and put it between two pilars. It sat there for weeks before they could figure out how to get it out.

    My freshman history class was so mean, we went through like 15 subs in 3 weeks, they just wouldn’t come back. I ashed one guy to kindly remove his butt from my face or I would file sexual harrasment charges, he tried to suspend me but my dad had him fired for it. Gosh, Mr. O’neill if you are reading this I am SORRY!!!

19. Comedy Blog

    15 August, 2007, 1:15 am

    I poisioned one of my teachers with arsenic. She called in dead the next day.

    Nah, I just used to steal the classroom flags. I had 14 of them before I got caught and in-school suspended for a week. It was promptly changed to out-of-school suspension when I asked the monitor what fellatio was. :wang:

20. Josh

    15 August, 2007, 12:55 pm

    Well up here in the rural areas of Cleveland stuck between the big city life and the barn uppings of the Amish…We had to improvise.

    So one year a few of the guys and I let a greased pig through the halls and tossed 3 chickens into the teachers lounge during lunch time.

    Closer to our graduation we became obsessed with numbers. Somehow…and I’m still sketchy on how we obtained all of them…the crew and I placed 1999 pink flamingos on the lawn of our school…then proceeded to let loose 1999 feeder crickets in the board of education office…

    God damn do I miss high-school…

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