Close encounters of the work kind

03 March, 2023Posted inObservations
A former coworker posted something today about the awkwardness of running into coworkers in public places. How, despite liking that person, you instantly lose the ability to form speech. It reminded me how even passing coworkers in the hallway at work can be awkward and soul-destroying. First Encounter: You smile, exchange pleasantries, and move on. Second Encounter: The briefest of eye contact, the “I’m busy, pal” dismissive smile and a simian grunt that resembles the word, “Hey.” Third Encounter: The upward head bob. No eye contact is made. The exchange is silent and understood. Fourth Encounter: You pretend to be…

How to sit through an all-day meeting

08 January, 2009Posted inObservations28 Comments
8:00AM: Listen attentively. Take fastidious notes that would put a science reporter to shame. 9:00AM: Tap chin with pen while slightly lifting brows to appear highly engrossed. 10:00AM: Take a relaxed sidelong glance at the clock for no reason. Notice a thirst developing. 10:15AM: Finally let out for a 15 minute break. Crack a joke about bladder control with coworker, grab another coffee and cringe when team leader says time's up. 11:38PM: Stare incessantly at clock waiting for lunch hour. 12:00PM: Turn white-faced in horror when team leader announces that we should "really go till 12:30 to get through as…

ZOMG!! BANQUETZ!!

09 September, 2008Posted inObservations19 Comments

My posting has been intermittent of late because work, while not intellectually challenging, is physically demanding and most nights I get home these days too tired to string together a coherent word spoken aloud, much less work the keyboard.

As an example of my sheer tiredness, the other day I got home, took off my pants to change into a pair of shorts and managed to get one sock off before I fell asleep on my bed. Yes, that’s right, pantless and semi-sockless. I am well aware of the image this presents. And now you must carry the image of a bearded wookie in one sock and boxers unconscious on a bed to your grave.

The reason for this tiredness is, as I hope you garnered from the title, because banquet season has begun.

Isn’t Work Fun?

02 September, 2008Posted inAnnouncements, Observations29 Comments
Crossing the casino floor (I'm legally prevented from saying which one by a NDA so profound I can't even comment if it's on this planet, let alone something as simple as it's name) is like wandering through a menagerie of Darwinism (indeed, and participants in the Darwin Awards). Though the dude sucking back the eighteen pound hamburger pictured above has never hopped on his electrified fat-mobile and zoomed through the double-wide front doors to drop a few bucks before eating himself into a grease-coma, more than a few of our 'guests' (we don't call them customers because apparently they feel…

Ten Best Reasons to Get a Cold

05 May, 2005Posted inBad Ideas, Observations18 Comments
Colds are disgusting. Your eyes look and feel sand-blasted, your nose has lost five layers of epidermis and you are left with the lung capacity of an asthmatic sparrow, but look on the bright side: Your boss will encourage you to go home early. You can keep ill-tempered coworkers at bay with a mere sneeze. No one's going to sneak in your cubicle and use your phone. If you come in looking disheveled, women will take pity on you, rather than scoff at you. Other employees will do the heavy lifting for you. You get to catch up on all…