How to Speak Waiter

20 October, 2009Posted inObservations16 Comments
"I made this drink special for you. It has a unique, subtle flavor.""I've added a toxic cleaning chemical to poison you. Can you guess what it is before the EMT arrives?" "May I take this out of your way?""You selfish bastard. You're taking up a table for four by yourself during our dinner rush. I will continue to remove things until it soaks through your proto-hominid skull that you're not wanted." "How is everything tasting?""I don't give a shit how my service is, so I won't ask you about it." "Small, medium or large?""Just choose the large, fat-ass." "Would you…

Overheard: “Sangrina” edition

28 April, 2008Posted inwtf33 Comments
Bartender: "So what did you two do last night?" Waitress #1: "We had some sangrinas. They were so good." Bartender: "I've heard of those. They're like margaritas, right?" Waitress #2: "No, they're a wine thing with like fruits and shit." Bartender: "Oh, that's sound good! What kind of wine is it?" Waitress #2: "Dark wine." Waitress #1: "Yeah, dark wine. I dunno, Chardonnay or something." I swear, I lost 10 IQ points listening to that.