Fuck the Detroit News

Detroit News? Time to train your telemarketers some manners

13 November, 2013Posted inObservations, wtf
At least one of the telemarketers, excuse me, consumer solutions experts that works for the Detroit News is a rude asshole. SOME BACKGROUND In June, a kid came by selling short-term (60-day) subscriptions that would help him through college. We decided to help him out and paid him by check so that the paper would end after two months. It didn't. They kept sending it and we let it pile up. I finally called them and had one of the rudest, most condescending conversations ever. She told me that subscriptions automatically renew without the need for me to approve them.…
I will take up two parking spaces. Deal with it.

I will take up two parking spaces. Deal with it.

09 November, 2013Posted inObservations
This post originally appeared on Medium Thoughts on parking etiquette from an utter douchebag. Fellow Driver, I know I took up two parking spaces leaving you circling the lot like a Perrigine Falcon whose prey has mysteriously escaped. I know you’re probably cursing my name and wishing it was legal to ram my Hummer H2 with the “Take Back America—Tea Party 2012” bumper sticker, but you won’t. I’m counting on it. Why? Because unlike myself, you possess manners—a social skill I am blissfully unaware of. You see, I am what is referred to in the vernacular as a douchebag and…

More People We Can Safely Dislike, #25

02 April, 2013Posted inObservations3 Comments
Jodi Arias supporters Twilight fans. Fuck all of you. Vampires don't sparkle. People who change their profile photo to reflect the latest meme, social cause or trend with no clue why other than their friends are all doing it, too. [DISCLAIMER: This one is probably only a Michigan thing] Drivers who get into the Michigan turn lane diagonally, thus taking up both lanes and refuse to pull out into traffic, even after a vicious, sustained honk. While, not a person, Punxsutawney Phil, who needs to be made into a rug. That useless, pus-bag has never predicted spring correctly. Ever. And…

People Who Need to Go Far, Far Away

18 August, 2012Posted inObservations3 Comments
People who hit their brakes inexplicably when nothing is in front of them and they aren't speeding. People who use douchebag words like 'braggadocious' and 'YOLO' in everyday speech. The inventors of Powerpoint, Jeggings, Crocs and UGGs. The creators of 'Call of the Wildman', 'Hillbilly Handfishing' and other white trash train wrecks. Professionals who say, "Let's really think out of the box on this one, guys." As if their coworkers were intentionally coming up with tired ideas because no one reminded them to be innovative. Honey Boo Boo, although I rather feel bad for this kid. She'll grow up realizing…

Screw Tumblr. I’m back.

20 July, 2010Posted inAnnouncements, Freaks16 Comments
Thought it was more fun to post quickly to Tumblr, but it's not fun to write on Tumblr and I have been itching to write again. And take my own pictures again, instead of reposting others images. With that, I give you this d-bag who decided to park in a no parking spot in front of the local Pei Wei.

More People We Can Safely Dislike #23: Travel Edition

27 August, 2009Posted inObservations12 Comments
Oh my readers, I have not abandoned you. I am working myself to death slowly. I've been in 5 states in four days. Anyway, all this travel got me hating on folks again, so here's my travel edition of more people we can safely dislike. UPDATE: No idea how comments got turned off! They are back on. The guy on the plane who keeps kicking the back of your seat The woman who comes back from the airplane lavatory with a fresh gallon of perfume on The psycho next to you who is afraid of flying and keeps grabbing your…

More people we can safely dislike #20

14 April, 2009Posted inObservations18 Comments
Kids that dropped out of school because, "My teachah's ignernt." Clowns. Always clowns. Douchebags that tell their girlfriends they can't hang out with their guy friends, but they of course can continue to hang out with their ex-girlfriends. People with shit taste in films who insist that despite the critics, despite what my friends have said, despite the awful trailers that I'm really missing out on the depth of Pauly Shore's venerable acting career. Anyone who defends Coldplay. People who act affronted that they can't carry automatic weapons with them into Wal-Mart. The Illuminati. I mean, what good are they…