Recent Effluvia:

Vacation’s over. Back to work!

Just added a new 3D tagcloud so you can see which tags are more popular. I still need to tag older posts, but will be doing that all week.

05 January, 2009
Caption Time #265

03 January, 2009
Friday Question #1

I’ve decided to ask a question every Friday this year. We’re starting out with a two-part question. Try to keep up.

Guns or bacon and why?

02 January, 2009
But, I was helping!

I was helping!, originally uploaded by Davezilla.

02 January, 2009
2009 New Years Resolutions
As has been the custom on this site since 1994, I am posting my New Years Resolutions. I try to make mine easily attainable so I don’t get down on myself midway through the year.
1. I resolve not to accept a Sloppy Joe from a Maori Cannibal
2. I resolve not to incite our distant cousins—the Langurs—into an all-out revolt against their human overlords
3. I resolve not to invent a beer called Stupid Douchebags Enjoying Time Off With Their Relatives
4. I resolve not to watch any shows starring Howie Mandel, Rachel Ray or Abe Vigoda
5. I resolve not to dress and act like a Drum Major in front of potential clients
6. I resolve not to get a Tay Zonday tattoo
7. I resolve not to dress like my pets
8. I resolve not to grow vestigial limbs on my body
9. I resolve to post more often in 2009 (for reals)
10. What are your New Years Resolutions?
31 December, 2008
My Crazy Neighbors

OK, well they;re not direct neighbors. I’m a mile south of them. Every year this couple goes a little overboard with the decorating and packs on the weird—even for Royal Oak. Rather than describe it, I’ve recorded it on my cell phone so you too can share in our private hell.

This display will be up until around May or so, when they get ready for Halloween.

30 December, 2008
Redneck Fire Alarm

Image via David Dunlap

29 December, 2008
Caption Time #264

27 December, 2008
The End of Christmas

26 December, 2008
Things I Learned from Medical Ads
1. All senior citizen couples live on the beach, are both still living and have a Golden Retriever
2. All women laugh and dance in meadows during their periods
3. Overweight people cannot date or go on vacations until they are on a weight loss medication
4. Erectile dysfunction happens to handsome men who suffer no signs of depression over it, in fact, they seem downright happy about it
5. The side effects of drugs are generally worse than the condition they purport to cure or control
6. You can get drugs for conditions you didn’t know required drugs
7. Women frequently discuss tampons while swinging on swingsets, during tea parties or in trendy New York nightclubs
8. Acne medications transform near-lepers into super models
9. Tooth whiteners give you perfectly straight, even teeth with no chips or gaps
10. Whjat have you learned from medical advertisements?
25 December, 2008
Caption Time #263

22 December, 2008
An Open Letter to All Friend Requests on Facebook
Thank you for trying to add me as a friend because you:
- read my blog
- saw me speak at your conference
- want me to fix your computer
- want me to link to your blog so you’ll be “popular, real fast”
- are stalking my girlfriend
I’d love to reciprocate, however I have a few prerequisites, so bear with me.
I will probably NOT add you if…
- …your profile photo is a shitty pencil drawing of yourself that you did one weekend on the beach when you were drunk and “artistically inspired” but actually looks like you are an epileptic Yeti with no feet
- …you only have one friend and it’s Ann Coulter
- …you’ve slept with Ann Coulter
- …you’ve sold your soul to Ann Coulter
- …you are Ann Coulter
- …I see an ad for you, saying you are a fan of yourself
- …you are a 93rd Level Cleric-Elf-Mage
- …you are a thinly-disguised product pretending to be a hot, college girl
- …your GPA has the same score as your blood-alcohol level: 1.9
- …you list monster truck pulls and hog-calling as interests
- …you’re my evil twin
- …this is your dog’s Facebook page. Srsly?
- …you’re being ironic by having a Facebook profile. Well aren’t you fucking clever?
20 December, 2008