Pet Translation
I just realized that telling my dogs and cats, "I'm going out; be good" is translated in their minds as, "I'll be gone long enough for you to hide the…
What Kind of Music Do I Like?
Over the years, I've realized that my musical taste boils down to one element that's proven remarkably accurate: If the singer or musician's name is "Kenny", there is a 99%…
The Best Children’s Song Ever. By Me.
I have absolutely no memory of any children's song lyrics. I don't think I ever knew (or cared) what they were when I was a child and now that I…
Children’s Books?
Via Lung
Is gravity increasing? Or is the photographer shrinking?
Seems to happen every time women cram together for a photo.
More People We Can Safely Dislike, #25
Jodi Arias supporters Twilight fans. Fuck all of you. Vampires don't sparkle. People who change their profile photo to reflect the latest meme, social cause or trend with no clue…
Sleep deprivation
LIZZ: "That's it, honey." [SITTING UP, ROCKING IN BED] ME: "What are you doing?" LIZZ: "I just… I have to stay awake and…to make sure the baby doesn't fall asleep…
What I Learned from Prescription Drug Ads
Single folk don't take prescription drugs. Only straight, married couples do. The people who take prescription drugs own Golden Retrievers. They wear matching sweaters tied around their necks and take…
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