Personality Test

1. Esther

   23 July, 2004, 12:22 am

   Frogs are to cannon balls what Valium is to donkey suit-wearin’ furries. Snowflakes are to Australians what abject poverty is to skanky, anorexic, hotel heiresses. Large, fake breasts are to women what tooth decay is to Jerry Seinfeld. George W. Bush is to meatloaf what Cable TV is to hillbillies. John Kerry is to salsa dancing what linguini is to lutefisk. Heidi Fleiss is to soup ladles what Turtle Wax is to most women who own cars. Shrek is to Michael Jackson what sandpaper is to plastic surgeons. Happiness is to fire escapes what measles are to a third grader. Davezilla is to fishcakes what lingerie is to Davezilla. Mullets are to merkins what filigree is to cheesecake.

2. Stacy, the motor city bad kitty

   23 July, 2004, 1:23 am

   Frogs are to cannon balls what Valium is to Rush Limbaugh.

   Snowflakes are to Australians what abject poverty is to Saudi Royal Family.

   Large, fake breasts are to women what tooth decay is to the British.

   George W. Bush is to meatloaf what Cable TV is to my family in the 1980s.

   John Kerry is to salsa dancing what linguini is to ketchup.

   Heidi Fleiss is to soup ladles what Turtle Wax is to Chevettes.

   Shrek is to Michael Jackson what sandpaper is to wood.

   Happiness is to fire escapes what measles are to Shirley Temple.

   Davezilla is to fishcakes what lingerie is to gefilte fish.

   Mullets are to merkins what filigree is to Davezilla.

3. Spud

   23 July, 2004, 1:23 am

   Frogs are to cannon balls what Valium is to The Flying Nun.
   Snowflakes are to Australians what abject poverty is to Donald Trump.
   Large, fake breasts are to women what tooth decay is to The Easter Bunny.
   George W. Bush is to meatloaf what Cable TV is to Good viewing.
   John Kerry is to salsa dancing what linguini is to The Japanese.
   Heidi Fleiss is to soup ladles what Turtle Wax is to Paris Hilton.
   Shrek is to Michael Jackson what sandpaper is to A goodtime.
   Happiness is to fire escapes what measles are to Lumps.
   Davezilla is to fishcakes what lingerie is to the common man.
   Mullets are to merkins what filigree is to me.
   😉

4. PaganJewLilBro

   23 July, 2004, 1:30 am

   Frogs are to cannon balls what Valium is to Don Quixote. Snowflakes are to Australians what abject poverty is to the leaders of our nation. Large, fake breasts are to women what tooth decay is to a talking skull. George W. Bush is too blank. John Kerry could use some salsa. Heidi Fleiss is to soup ladles what Turtle Wax is to large, fake breasts. Shrek is to Michael Jackson what sandpaper is to Peter Pan. Happiness is to fire escapes what measles are to Frank the giant rabbit. Davezilla is to fishcakes what lingerie is to a fur parka. Mullets are to merkins what filigree is to fornication.

5. Stacy, the motor city bad kitty

   23 July, 2004, 3:15 am

   *wipes a tear from my eye*

   I’m so proud of my Pagan Jew Little Brother.

   Oh my gawd, I’m farklempt! Tawk amongst yaselves. You’ve got your topic. Discuss!

6. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

   23 July, 2004, 4:19 am

   AN EXERCISE IN RANDOM OCCURANCES AMONG THE HILLS AND VALLEYS. CHEESECAKES.

   Well I was going to fill in the blanks like a good lad, but today I’m feeling rebellious, so I’m not going to.

   Humorous results can however be achieved by substituting different words in the blank spaces in order to create nonsense and sillyness.

   For those of you at home with smaller vocabularies, a condensed version of this post is now available by special request from the Davezilla bookshop. Priced at $40 with nothing to pay until you reach the till. Remember. This offer is not available in chip shops.

   Instead of participating in such foolishness and tomfoolery, I shall be mostly talking about important issues in the modern world such as “dolphins being the most intelligent creatures on the planet” and explaining my theories on why this statement is untrue.

   Reasons why dolphins ARE intelligent:

   They can talk
   They can swim and do tricks.
   They can hold down a job at Seaworld.
   They can fly underwater.

   Reasons why dolphins ARE NOT intelligent:

   They get caught in tuna nets.
   They keep eating tuna despite of this.
   They like humans.
   They have their own American football team and not one dolphin has ever made the side.

   I therefore conclude my argument with this statement by Mr. Albert Einstein:

   “Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.”

   I rest my case.

   P.S

   NEVER attempt to save a dolphin from drowning, as they start sulking by keeping really still and not breathing*

   *Probably due to shock.

7. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

   23 July, 2004, 4:25 am

   P.P.S does anyone know where I can score some pot?

   I appear to have run out whilst writing the above.

   

8. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

   23 July, 2004, 4:27 am

   ONIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   ONLY $1 a kilo!!!!!!!!!

   NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL VALUE.

9. Spud

   23 July, 2004, 4:39 am

   You idiot!

10. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

    23 July, 2004, 4:41 am

    My friend Trevour lives in my pocket and tells me to burn things.

    Just thought I’d make you all aware of this short story and hope you enjoyed all the loverly puddings kindly provided by Mrs. Beaton last Tuesday at this weeks meeting.

    The winner of this raffle is……

    Velcro sticky tape for all those jobs you hate. Our sponsors elephant died, but I can’t for the life of me find a torch.

    THE END.

    THE END.

    THE END. (No really. No more randomness for me)

11. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

    23 July, 2004, 4:47 am

    THE END. (well a bit)

12. kismet

    23 July, 2004, 4:59 am

    Decaf Rev, decaf.

13. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

    23 July, 2004, 5:49 am

    Yes Kismet,

    the cafe is just 5 minutes away from the station. Turn left past the church,walk along till you come to a garden with a dog in it.

    If it’s a scottie you’ve gone too far.

    Drinks are available as well as a selection of cold pies and rolls.

14. TheFaramir

    23 July, 2004, 7:52 am

    Large, fake breasts are to women what tooth decay is to the British.

    Ah, I guess I wasn’t the first to think of that one. (And I’m allowed think it, too. I’m of British descent and I need, like, 6 fillings.)

15. Mandy

    23 July, 2004, 7:54 am

    T.M.I. Faramir

16. wookiee

    23 July, 2004, 9:42 am

    Frogs are to cannon balls what Valium is to Heroin.
    Snowflakes are to Australians what abject poverty is to The Republican Party.
    Large, fake breasts are to women what tooth decay is to Dentists.
    George W. Bush is to meatloaf what Cable TV is to the brains of America.
    John Kerry is to salsa dancing what linguini is to a wall.
    Heidi Fleiss is to soup ladles what Turtle Wax is to Heidi Fleiss.
    Shrek is to Michael Jackson what sandpaper is to rough wood.
    Happiness is to fire escapes what measles are to zee Germans.
    Davezilla is to fishcakes what lingerie is to Bill Clinton.
    Mullets are to merkins what filigree is to DIE!! DIE!! KILL EVERYBODY!!.

    Er.. how’d I do?

17. Frances the Cockatoo

    23 July, 2004, 11:52 am

    Dave,
    Isn’t it about time for a new anagram?
    Sqworrk

18. Bill Shakespeare

    23 July, 2004, 12:12 pm

    Frogs are to cannon balls what Valium is to speedballs. A nice start, but need to kick it up a notch.

    Snowflakes are to Australians what abject poverty is to Republicans. Totally alien.

    Large, fake breasts are to women what tooth decay is to walruses. How to ruin a good thing.

    George W. Bush is to meatloaf what Cable TV is to infomercials. It’s what’s in the box.

    John Kerry is to salsa dancing what linguini is to gourmet. Limp and unexciting entrées.

    Heidi Fleiss is to soup ladles what Turtle Wax is to spit. Minor equivalents. The first two dish it out to varying degrees. The second two shine.

    Shrek is to Michael Jackson what sandpaper is to the French. The first two are abrasive cartoon characters. The second two… well, they just rub me the wrong way.

    Happiness is to fire escapes what measles are to sick days. Did I ever tell you about the time my boss came home while I was shtuping his girlfriend and I had to climb down the fire escape? No? Did I ever tell you about the time I called in sick with the measles? No? Same day. And my boss wound up with the measles. Well, okay – it wasn’t the measles, exactly, but same idea.

    Davezilla is to fishcakes what lingerie is to EPT. Causality, baby. Not saying Davezilla actually makes fishcakes, but they’re often seen in his wake.

    Mullets are to merkins what filigree is to Goldmember. Do I really need to explain this one?

19. Natalie

    23 July, 2004, 1:26 pm

    The answer to everything is “bunnies”.

20. PaganJewLilBro

    23 July, 2004, 3:01 pm

    Stace, ya done got everybody off topic… not that the good reverend wouldn’t’a done it anyways…

    PJLB

21. Cherish

    23 July, 2004, 3:50 pm

    1. Orange

    2. Switzerland

    3. Turtles

    4. Cable TV

    5. Marinara

    6. Saturday Afternoon

    7. Cotton Candy

    8. 6 Flags

    9. Davezilla

    10. Frasier

22. Solitas

    23 July, 2004, 10:28 pm

    Hey c’mon, it snows in Australia. In quite a few places.

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