I own this town, bitch.

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Notes to Self: No. 6,229

The next time I spill pasta sauce on an expensive pair of white jeans, be sure to remove the wallet before soaking them overnight in hot water.

Worst. Rice Rod. Ever.

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Should I wait?

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Caption Time #145

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More people we dislike #13: Long queue edition

The earth mother who holds up the entire queue by taking 18 minutes to arrange her carry-on in the overhead compartment, and then complains that the flight is late taking off The prat who holds up the line at the coffeehouse by demanding a 142° latte. As if they can tell. The senior citizen who […]

Spa Day for Men

I was instant messaging with my dear friend Minnie, yesterday. She mentioned that she had just gone to one of those fancy, all-day spa treatments. She had a chocolate body wrap and then 500 naked slave men washed her in Crystal champagne while virgin turtledoves flew down from heaven and fed her cheese nips. Or […]

Complete this Sentence:

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It’s for sale! Any takers?

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Well, we know what Harry is thankful for

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Winner, 2006 Not My Job Award

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Open letter to Continental Airlines

Dear Continental, First of all let me thank you for all the exciting new terms I learned this week, while traveling on your aircraft. News to me: I thought “departure” meant “the time the plane will leave”. I now know that it means, “the time we decide to announce that your plane will be two […]

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