Quotes

  • Salmon is the new crustacean

    MOM: “What’s your favorite shellfish.” DAUGHTER: “Salmon!” FAMILY: “OMG, totally! Salmon is the BEST shellfish.” DAD: “Not even a contest.”

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Not chicken

    LIZZ: “Phaedra? Would you like some chicken?” PHAEDRA: “No! I don’t like chicken anymore today. I’d rather eat myself.”

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Don’t Worry

    DAUGHTER: “Daddy? I need a new diaper.” ME: “You do? OK, I think we can handle that.” ME: “Oh, this is a bad one.” DAUGHTER: “Don’t worry, Daddy. It’s only poop. It not bite you.”

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • I like George Washington

    “I like George Washington waaay better than Spiderman.” —Five year-old boy at the park.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Redneck Death or Innovation?

    If it seems contrary to common sense, you’re either about to die a redneck death, or have an innovative breakthrough. —Davezilla

    Written by

    Davezilla