Asides

  • That Dirty Hill guy

    [ picking up my lunch ] CLERK: ZZ Top. ME: Wha? CLERK: You. Your beard. ME: […] CLERK: You look like the ZZ Top guy. ME: I’ve gotten that before, yes. CLERK: Yeah, I bet. That Dirty Hill guy. That’s who you look like. ME: You mean Dusty Hill? CLERK: Whatever it was. Here ya…

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Like one does

    You know when you wake up from a dream that you were assisting Robert Smith solve a cold case that it will be an interesting day.

    Written by

    Davezilla
    Robert Smith solves another cold case!

  • My daughter follows the Pope on Twitter

    Letting my 10 month-old girl play on my laptop. She manages to call up Pope Francis’ Twitter page and turn off the TV.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Shiny Coat

    I caught my 10 month-old gnawing on our Pug’s Busy Bone. On the plus side, at least she’ll have a shiny coat.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Spirit Animal

    I think my spirit animal was taken by the Humane Society and put up for adoption.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Two Shakes of a Lamb’s Tail

    How come when someone says, “I’ll be there in two shakes of a lamb’s tail,” it always takes about 45 minutes? Just how big is a lamb’s tail?

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • For the Time Being

    When people say, “Oh, it’s just for the time being,” I freak out. We have Time Beings that demand offerings from us? When did this start? Next thing, you’ll be telling me the government is being run by Reptile People.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • My fish hate me

    Every morning, my fish stare at me, blankly. I always wonder if they are hungry or don’t like what I’m wearing.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Comments are fixed

    Something was borked on the comments from GD spammers. So that happened. I switched them to Disqus, which allows pretty much any login you want. Your welcome.

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Dog penis

    Something I thought I’d never have to say, “Honey, please let go of the dog’s penis.” #babymeme #dadproblems

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • How come every time I use my car’s sun visor, the sun is directly between the visors?

    Written by

    Davezilla

  • Can’t win.

    I got all excited because tomorrow night, Daylight Saving Time ends. Then my wife reminded me that our baby won’t likely adhere to that and we’ll still be up at the crack of dawn. Damn.

    Written by

    Davezilla