Asides

  • Free idea

    Why hasn’t any razor company had the common sense to call their product Occam’s Razors? It’s such a simple and obvious solution.

  • That Dirty Hill guy

    [ picking up my lunch ] CLERK: ZZ Top. ME: Wha? CLERK: You. Your beard. ME: […] CLERK: You look like the ZZ Top guy. ME: I’ve gotten that before, yes. CLERK: Yeah, I bet. That Dirty Hill guy. That’s who you look like. ME: You mean Dusty Hill? CLERK: Whatever it was. Here ya…

  • Like one does

    You know when you wake up from a dream that you were assisting Robert Smith solve a cold case that it will be an interesting day.

    Robert Smith solves another cold case!
  • My daughter follows the Pope on Twitter

    Letting my 10 month-old girl play on my laptop. She manages to call up Pope Francis’ Twitter page and turn off the TV.

  • Shiny Coat

    I caught my 10 month-old gnawing on our Pug’s Busy Bone. On the plus side, at least she’ll have a shiny coat.

  • Spirit Animal

    I think my spirit animal was taken by the Humane Society and put up for adoption.

  • Two Shakes of a Lamb’s Tail

    How come when someone says, “I’ll be there in two shakes of a lamb’s tail,” it always takes about 45 minutes? Just how big is a lamb’s tail?

  • For the Time Being

    When people say, “Oh, it’s just for the time being,” I freak out. We have Time Beings that demand offerings from us? When did this start? Next thing, you’ll be telling me the government is being run by Reptile People.

  • My fish hate me

    Every morning, my fish stare at me, blankly. I always wonder if they are hungry or don’t like what I’m wearing.

  • Comments are fixed

    Something was borked on the comments from GD spammers. So that happened. I switched them to Disqus, which allows pretty much any login you want. Your welcome.

  • Dog penis

    Something I thought I’d never have to say, “Honey, please let go of the dog’s penis.” #babymeme #dadproblems

  • How come every time I use my car’s sun visor, the sun is directly between the visors?