Today’s horoscope

1. Esther

   06 December, 2004, 1:30 am

   Well, at least they didn’t catch me when I sent all those Cia!lis soft!tabs and Unnowkn Cleebrity naked potohs spams. :limp:

   This way, I’ll get a nice firing, and won’t have to train the new person. Whew!

2. Nikki

   06 December, 2004, 1:39 am

   It’s a shame too. I have a real craving for french apple.

3. Lace Valentine

   06 December, 2004, 2:46 am

   👿 Venus in Aries: you like headstrong attraction and a little fight with your love; try new sex positions at the top of a staircase.

   Venus in Taurus: the meadow and the mud is your lovemaking divan. In the throes of passion, try not, if at all possible, to compare your lover to a barnyard animal.

   😆 Venus in Gemini: Your lover might not be able to talk as dirty as you, or as long about sweet-nothings, instead, find new uses for all that 9/11 duct tape.

   :boobs: Venus in Cancer: Ah the poetry! The home-made bread! The rose petal pathway to the bubbling bath… All you need now is to lose some breast-fat and get out of your lazy-boy chair.

   :kiss: Venus in Leo: A lace valentine inside a cellophane bag inside a hatbox inside a trunk inside a hearse inside a garage inside an abandoned building somewhere under moonlight.

   :geek: Venus in Virgo: Please do not make the bed before lovemaking. Instead let the sheets wrinkle if they must, let dampness be, if a pillow should be tossed during orgasm, let it land where it may and god forbid don’t let your love-talk mention Star Trek.

   😎 Venus in Libra: You are a classic beauty and a little remote. You are as fickle as a raven pecking at a hill of marbles. Your beauty will never be forgotten if you can stay out of the brothel industry.

   :wang: Venus in Scorpio: You are sex, rest, more sex, rest, eat, sex, sleep, sex, dream sex. Everything is a metaphor for sex. Everything is either an excuse to get out of sex or to have it again or to use it against someone else or to get hurt by it. Did I mention sex?

   😳 Venus in Sagittarius: Although you might say something with little tact to your lover, you never really mean to harm anyone by your words. You are all butterflies and sunlight. If people aren’t available a horse or a dog or a cat could be a great companion (wink/wink). You like Twinkies.

   😈 Venus in Capricorn: Not everyone can be a charming devil, a chess champion, a know-it-all and a needy lover, but you are. Cut your partner a little slack. They can’t be as erudite as you or as consistent as horseflies on poop. Get a whip.

   :java: Venus in Aquarius: The waterbearer likes to spread their contacts around, especially if you’re just being friends (or are as faceless as a mob) versus the solo act called by the rest of western civilization as a marriage commitment.

   😕 Venus in Pisces: You are the holy grail of love, when you’re not farking like rabbits in the drive-thru car wash. Can’t it wait till you get home? Or do you think sex can transform the everyday world like a dream where car-wash employees become oompa loompas in your weird gondola of psychedelic reverie?

4. wantwit

   06 December, 2004, 3:19 am

   🙄

5. Spud

   06 December, 2004, 3:20 am

   I was only 10 minutes late.

   I can’t decide if that was something I liked or not.

   Best to toss a coin I think

   *flip*

   😀

6. mikeB

   06 December, 2004, 7:06 am

   That poodle had it coming. 👿

7. Moxie

   06 December, 2004, 7:11 am

   I was going to comment but I had to scroll so long I forgot what I was going to say.:roll:

8. rust

   06 December, 2004, 7:18 am

   When the moooooon is in the seventh house! And Jupiter aligns with Mars — Then Peace will guide the planets and LOVE will steer the stars!
   This is the dawning of the AGE of AQUARIUS, the age of Aquarius, Aquarius, Aquarius, Aquarius, Aquarius….

9. Esther

   06 December, 2004, 7:29 am

   I’m not sure that I can afford a whip, since I got fired. Damn Spam, uh, I mean, spam.

10. Dan Martin

    06 December, 2004, 7:57 am

    Damn Dave, I am virgo… and I find it so insulting that you could be right on the money.

11. white pebble

    06 December, 2004, 9:09 am

    Words of One Syllable Dept.
    Davezilla – Daily humor, tomfoolery and monkeyshines » Today’s horoscope
    Pisces: A sad day, You trip over your own shadow. Twice.

12. Nikki

    06 December, 2004, 9:27 am

    :wtf:

13. Natalie

    06 December, 2004, 10:44 am

    Mondays are for boyfriends, Tuesdays are for girlfriends. It’s less confusing that way.

    What’s this about Bush and the Oreo conspiracy? Sounds intriguing. Tell me about it and I’ll show you what I can do with duct tape. 😈

14. Merth

    06 December, 2004, 11:13 am

    I have only tripped over my shadow once so far! These things are never right… sigh

15. BOKlava

    06 December, 2004, 1:30 pm

    I have absolutely no spiritual desire on this earth other than I wish for everyone in Heaven. Join this sinful mortal Upstairs after our lifelong demise. Our URL shows you the Way home.

16. Robin

    06 December, 2004, 9:23 pm

    Five whole dollars! YES! Now I can buy holiday gifts for my friends! Let’s see… fruit pies, Day Planner, Rolaids, arsenic (but only if my Scorpio pals will use it to soak bread to throw to all the pigeons)…

17. Spud

    06 December, 2004, 10:02 pm

    Natalie does: things with duct tape?

    😀

18. Merth

    07 December, 2004, 9:01 am

    My bad, I tripped again later in the day. It was right. Darn you stars above!

19. hedgeblog

    09 December, 2004, 3:46 pm

    Today’s horoscope
    Totally scotching this from Davezilla but it’s such brilliant commentary on people actually believing that looking at huge rocks floating…

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