19 Things You Never Want to Hear Senior Citizens Say

  1. “You go girl!”
  2. “Are you a natural blonde?”
  3. “I’m not wearing underwear.”
  4. “That’s the last time I have unprotected sex with a grizzly bear.”
  5. “Two grannies. One cup. Just imagine.”
  6. “Nearer to the grave is what you’ll crave.”
  7. “Like the grey? The carpets match the drapes, you know.”
  8. “Let’s pump this jam!”
  9. “I’ll even take my teeth out.”
  10. “Ever done it bent over a walker?”
  11. “Perry Como Madourravit”
  12. “Up for some Hanna Montana cosplay?”
  13. “Ya wanna see a real lady gaga, sonny?”
  14. “Loose dentures. The baseball mitt is for the sneezing.”
  15. “Chillax!”
  16. “So for you, how many cats is too many cats?”
  17. “Pitchin’ the viagra tent tonight.”
  18. She’s a 75 year old but with the body of a 64 year old.
  19. (Lung will go to hell for this one) “Ever had a Parkinson’s handjob?”

Co-written by Lung the Younger


  1. rem1967

    Call me old-fashioned, call me dull, but #4 is something I never want to hear ANYONE say. :wtf:

  2. lambchopper

    Here’s one to add to the list:

    “Grab the lube sonny, otherwise you’ll chafe your willy…”

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